Do not underestimate the power of ridicule. This is not a laughing matter. Mock Muhammad and Islam as this will eventually help the Muslims get rid of their cult. They must feel embarrassed for calling themselves Muslim. Expose the stupidity of Islam and laugh at its ignorant supporters. Islam will become history once the asininity of it becomes so obvious that any person with intelligence feels embarrassed associating himself with it or defending it.

- Ali Sina

(Iranian Ex-Muslim AuthorFounder of Faith Freedom International)

On a Lighter Note

Putting aside the calls for Jihad against non-believers, the disparate treatment of women, the barbaric capital punishments, inhumane treatment of animals, questionable science, etc., which many Muslims seem to have no problem with or can somehow find some inane justification for, let us look at some of the many asinine statements and commands from the scriptures which should be sufficient to shame any sane believer into disbelief.

Sometimes the only wake-up call for the indoctrinated is the ridiculing of their belief system; exposing the ludicrous foundations of their faith in light of modern knowledge and commonsense.

Islamic scriptures are brimming with superstitions, absurdities and sheer madness. To think that there is a higher being out there who would take the time out to reveal universal secrets to mankind yet frequently deliver a hodgepodge of nonsense, would normally be below the intelligence of any right thinking individual, unless shrouded in faith. Anyone prepared to open their mind rather than let it blindly fall into deep submission of blind faith will quickly see through the pretence of Islam's divinity.

The charismatic Muhammad made some extraordinary claims, which at the time, to those hoodwinked under his messenger spell, would have seemed astonishing. For instance his ability to talk to a date palm tree must have been miraculous to those venerating him. In Sahih Bukhari 56:784 we read The Prophet used to stand by a date-palm on Friday. Then an Ansari man said. "O Allah's Apostle! Shall we make a pulpit for you?" He replied, "If you wish." The next Friday, he delivered the sermon from the pulpit. The date-palm cried like a child! The Prophet said, "It was crying for missing the religious knowledge given near to it." Do all trees on the planet long for religious sermons to be given near them? Are they all in tears for want of Islam? Maybe it was a special tree! But in SB 58:199 a tree also speaks to Muhammad telling him about the Jinns (spirits) hearing the Qur'an. Muhammad was obviously able to convince his followers of the reality of talking trees back in seventh century Arabia.

In addition to trees, monkeys also have lessons to teach humans. Apparently it is not only Muslim men who are paranoid with adultery amongst their women-folk. Monkeys are also keen on eradicating such undesirable females from amongst their flock. Muhammad says: SB 58:188: During the pre-Islamic period of ignorance I saw a she-monkey surrounded by a number of monkeys. They were all stoning her, because it had committed illegal sexual intercourse. Muhammad was so eager to reintroduce stoning he related a tale confirming its practice in the animal kingdom.

Fish can also be used by Allah to taunt humans into sinning. The Qur'an tells us of the story of fish that would pop their heads out of the water to tempt the people to catch them but only on the Sabbath, Q7:163 They transgressed in the matter of the Sabbath. For on the day of their Sabbath their fish did come to them, openly holding up their heads, but on the day they had no Sabbath, they came not: thus did We make a trial of them, for they were given to transgression. Q7:166 When in their insolence they transgressed prohibitions, We said to them: "Be ye apes, despised and rejected..." After Allah tempts them to work on the Sabbath he summarily turns them into despised apes.

Not only was Allah fond of turning people into apes but he had a penchant also for pigs and rats. SB 54:524 The Prophet said, "A group of Israelites were lost. Nobody knows what they did. But they were cursed and changed into rats.

Performing any act that is prohibited in Islam, such as wearing silk, playing musical instruments or committing adultery can invoke some rather ruthless punishments from the so-called merciful God. In Sahih Bukhari 69:494v Muhammad tells us, "From among my people those who consider illegal sexual intercourse, the wearing of silk and the use of musical instruments, as lawful, Allah will destroy them during the night and will let the mountain fall on them, and He will transform the rest of them into monkeys and pigs and they will remain so till the Day of Resurrection." Obviously no Muslims contravene these rulings else mountains would be toppling down around us, monkeys and pigs would be appearing out of nowhere running around until the day of resurrection, and destruction would be occurring unabated before dawn.

Stones can also have a mind of their own. We read in Sahih Bukhari 5:277 The Prophet said, Once Moses went out to take a bath and put his clothes over a stone and then that stone ran away with his clothes. Moses followed that stone saying, "My clothes, O stone! My clothes, O stone!" till the people of Bani Israel saw him and said, "By Allah, Moses has got no defect in his body." Moses took his clothes and began to beat the stone. Here Muhammad reveals to mankind the earth shattering news that Moses had no blemishishes on his body in addition to the amazing powers of some stones.

Another interesting concept is Allah's love for sneezing and his obvious dislike for yawning which apparently stems from the devil. SB 73:245 gives more details, The Prophet said, "Allah loves sneezing but dislikes yawning; Yawning is from Satan, so if one of you yawns, he should try to stop it, for when anyone of you yawns, Satan laughs at him." So now that we know the Islamic explanation for the cause of yawning, Satan, we can disregard the scientific reasoning which is a physical reflex within the body when the blood system, lungs and brain require a burst of oxygen to be invigorated. In addition we have a God who declares his love for sneezes yet openly proclaims, throughout his Qur'an, hatred and curses on disbelievers. Some may say he has his priorities in the wrong place, but who is to question such a God without at least loosing a limb?

Muhammad was a man well versed in medicine. No, he did not discover penicillin, nor did he leave a cure for cancer or vaccinations for common diseases. He did however expound on the theory of the fly antidote. In SB 71:673 the apostle declares, from his God given wisdom, If a fly falls in the vessel, dip all of it into the vessel and then throw it away, for in one of its wings there is a disease and in the other there is healing antidote for it. So now we know the remedy for dealing with diseases such as anthrax, cholera, dengue fever, dysentery, typhoid fever, etc caused by flies, simply dip both wings in your child's food and voila the antidote is activated.

Some further medical breakthroughs in brief from the last prophet are:

• SB 71:663 Eating dates will protect you from poison and magic all day long.
• SB 71:641 The earth of our land and the saliva of some of us cure our patient
• SB 71:637 Treat poisonous stings with Ruqya {reciting from Qur'an}
• SB 71:619 Fever is from the heat of Hell, so put it out with water.
• SM 23:5113 A non-Muslim eats in seven intestines whereas a Muslim eats in one intestine
• SB 71:599 The best medicines you may treat yourselves with are cupping and sea incense
• SB 71:596 Treat with the Indian incense, for it has healing for seven diseases
• SB 71:591 Black cumin is healing for all diseases except death
  • SM 16:4131 Eight men came and swore allegiance to Islam, but became sick. Muhammad said: Why don't you go to our camels and drink their milk and urine.

For many more medical miracles refer to the Medicine section in the Hadith chapter. Should you decide to try any of these cures at home but somehow they do not work as prescribed, note that the prophet has sound scientific reasoning for such failures. In Sahih Bukhari 71:614 we have a man coming to Muhammad for advice on diarrhoea, A man said, "My brother has got loose motions." The Prophet said, "Let him drink honey." The man returned and said, "I made him drink (honey) but that made him worse." The Prophet said, "Allah has said the truth, and the abdomen of your brother has told a lie." So there we have it. When a person does not respond to Allah's treatment it must be the body that is lying, for Allah always tells the truth! An important final note regarding medicine is the knowledge that it is only Allah who truly heals. In Sahih Bukhari 71:640 we have Muhammad treating with recitations from the Qur'an saying, "O Lord, remove the trouble. The cure is in Your Hands, and there is none except You who can remove disease." So essentially there is no need for doctors or hospitals. All that is required is reading from the Qur'an and depending on Allah to remove illnesses. None, not even doctors, have any ability to cure except Allah.

Polluted water was not a problem for Muhammad. In Sahih Muslim 1:66-67 - The people asked the Messenger of Allah: Can we cleanse out of the well of Buda'ah, which is a well into which menstrual clothes, dead dogs and stinking things were thrown? He replied: Water is pure and is not defiled by anything. The people of the time, though not aware of bacteria or germ theory, had an inkling of the dangers of unclean water. However Muhammad with his divine wisdom informed them that water can never be polluted because it is pure. One wonders how many innocent lives were lost because of such advice.

Playing games is certainly not child's play in Islamic societies. A simple game of chess is equated to staining oneself with the blood of pigs. Muhammad informs us in Sahih Muslim 28:5612, He who played chess is like one who dyed his hand with the flesh and blood of swine. No specific reasons are given, but from the psychological make up of Muhammad's mind, one can deduce that he would rather have his men out on the real battlefield as opposed to sitting at home battling on a board.

Of course it is imperative that we all pay our taxes. We know the penalties in this world for withholding our assets and earnings from the taxman. However are we aware of the punishment for such crimes in the hereafter? Fortunately Muhammad has kindly informed us in Sahih Bukhari 86:89, On the Day of Resurrection the wealth hidden from taxes, will appear in the shape of a huge bald headed poisonous male snake and swallow the hand of its owner. If the owner of camels does not pay their tax, then, on the Day of Resurrection those camels will come to him and will strike his face with their hooves. It is therefore imperative that all camels in your possession are taxed and road worthy. Defaulting on taxes for any other asset will incur the wrath of those assets in the form of a poisonous snake ready to devour its owner's hands! Muhammad must have been very keen on collecting taxes in this world for Allah to instigate punishments of such magnitude in the next realm, on behalf of his prophet.

However, prior to being judged on the day of resurrection we must be questioned on entering the grave by angels of the Lord. Muhammad explains the process in Sahih Bukhari 23:422 "When a human being is laid in his grave two angels come to him and make him sit and ask him: What did you use to say about Muhammad? ... a non-believer will say to the angels, 'I do not know' It will be said to him, 'Neither did you know nor did you take the guidance (by reciting the Qur'an).' Then he will be hit with an iron hammer between his two ears, and he will cry and that cry will be heard by whatever approaches him except human beings and jinns." Don't know about Muhammad at the time of your burial or cannot recite the Qur'an? Well don't be surprised when the merciful Allah sends his angels to whack you over the head with an iron hammer. Muhammad says the crime of not knowing him at death is extremely detrimental and our skull will feel the punishment. But as it cracks, the cries will not be heard by fellow humans or the imaginary jinns.

After you have had a good night's sleep, always remember to clean your nose thoroughly in the morning. For the reason why, let's read what Muhammad has to say in Sahih Muslim 2:462 When any one awakens from sleep he must clean his nose three times, for the devil spends the night in the interior of his nose. So here we have another important titbit of information regarding the whereabouts of the devil and how to rid ourselves of his presence from up our nostrils. Sahih Bukhari 54:491 continues, During sleep, Satan ties three knots at the back of the head and breathes the following words at each knot, 'The night is long, so keep on sleeping.' If that person wakes up and celebrates the praises of Allah, one knot is undone, when he performs ablution the second knot is undone and when he prays, all the knots are undone, and he gets up in the morning lively and gay, otherwise he gets up dull and gloomy. Satan up to his tricks again tying knots at the back of our heads. So if every non-Muslim appear dull and gloomy it must be because they did not awake, praise Allah and pray.

Dreams are also important and must be dealt with if unfavourable. Muhammad says in Sahih Bukhari 87:115, A good dream comes from Allah, a bad dream is from Satan. If anyone has a bad dream, he should seek refuge with Allah from Satan and should spit on the left, so the bad dream will not harm him. Apparently spitting on the right is not recommended for dealing with Satan. It must be to the left, but be cautious if someone is in bed with you on the left!

But things can get worse should we oversleep and not get up in time to say our prayers to Allah. Muhammad warns us against such a transgression in Sahih Bukhari 21:245 One who kept on sleeping till morning and had not got up for the prayer, Satan urinates in his ears. The majority of people in the world do not arise early for pre-dawn Salah (prayers) to Allah, which would suggest a hell of a lot of peeing done by Satan. And because of the varying time zones around the earth, he must be kept quite busy, 24/7.

While on the topic we should note that Muhammad teaches us about everything, even about excrement. Sahih Muslim 2:504 informs us that He has forbidden us to face the Kaaba at the time of excretion or urination, or cleansing with less than three pebbles, or with dung or bone.Never face the Kaaba while using the toilet. A compass may be required the next time nature calls. Cleaning up after requires the use of three stones; nothing less will do and it must be an odd number though. Using bones or dried dung is not allowed and no mention is made of toilet paper or good old soap and water.

But the world could, for the last fourteen hundred years, have been rid of Satan. Yes, our hero Muhammad did catch the little devil and as he was about to tie him to a pillar, Allah came along and contrary to simple logic and concern for our ears, nostrils, dreams and misguidance He thought it wise to free the devil to continue causing havoc. The report of the event is included in Sahih Bukhari 22:301 where Muhammad relates"Satan came in front of me and tried to interrupt my prayer, but Allah gave me an upper hand on him and I choked him. No doubt, I thought of tying him to one of the pillars of the mosque till you get up in the morning and see him. Then Allah made him (Satan) return with his head down humiliated." Muhammad wanted to have Satan tied to the mosque to prove to his followers his supremacy over the devil but conveniently for him Allah decided to let the devil go free, but humiliated nonetheless!

Some of us may wonder why Muslims sport long beards, sometimes dyed a reddish colour, yet shave their moustaches. Well the answer is quite simple. At that time in Arabia, the styles among the Pagan tribes were moustaches on men and among the Jews, beard and moustache. Muhammad was keen on differentiating his Muslim community from outsiders. This was helpful in battle to ensure recognition of combatants and also essential in creating that barrier between believers and non-believers. Therefore in Sahih Muslim 2:500 we have Muhammad saying, Act against the polytheists, trim closely the moustache and grow the beard. Then in Sahih Bukhari 72:786 the Prophet says, Jews and Christians do not dye their hair so you should do the opposite of what they do. To act against the non believers, it was crucial that the Muslims devise a new look.

According to Muhammad, poets are Satan and it is better to be filled with pus than their poetry. Sahih Muslim 28:5611 tells us of the time Muhammad was travelling and he met a poet reciting poetry. He said: Detain the Satan, for filling the belly of a man with pus is better than stuffing his brain with poetry. We do not know the fate of the poet after being detained, however at least we are informed of the folly of filling our brains with poetry.

Muhammad was also a keen geneticist, revealing information only an expert in DNA research could have disclosed so many centuries ago. In Sahih Bukhari 82:830 A Bedouin came to Allah's Apostle and said, "My wife has delivered a black child." The Prophet said to him, "Have you camels?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet said, "What colour are they?" He replied, "They are red." The Prophet asked, "Are any of them grey in colour?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet asked him, "Whence did that greyness come?" He said, "I think it descended from the camel's ancestors." Then the Prophet said, "Therefore, this child of yours has inherited the colour from his ancestors." The mother and father were fair skinned Arabs, the child was black. Grey haired camels exist among red camels therefore according to Muhammad the child must have inherited its colour from a distant ancestor. No consideration of the possibility that one of the many black slaves kept by the Arabs may have had some input in the matter!

The prophet also warns us about the last day. It is important we keep an eye out for this critical day of judgement; after all our eternity depends on it. He answers the question in Sahih Bukhari 88:232 What are the portents of this cataclysmic event, "The Hour will not be established till the buttocks of the women of the tribe of Daus move while going round Dhi-al-Khalasa." The Daus tribe must be special to Allah because he has predetermined that their women's dancing around their idol, Dhi-al-Khalasa, while their posterior gyrates, will determine when the last day will be upon us. It would be wise for scientists to study and monitor this tribe and inform the rest of humanity when their women are about to commence their earth shattering dance.

In the Last Days the Dajjal (Anti-Christ) will make an appearance. Muhammad describes him as follows: Sahih Muslim 41:7005-9 ... behold that Dajjal is blind of the right eye and his eye would be like a floating grape. On his forehead are the letters k f.r. (Kafir) which every Muslim would be able to read.

Those alive during the last days would hear the sounding of trumpets and at that time people would be transformed in a rather strange manner: SM 41:7055 Then Allah would cause the water to descend from the sky and people will sprout like vegetables. The only thing in a man which would not decay would be the spinal cord from which the whole frame would be reconstituted on the Day of Resurrection.

According to Muhammad the spinal cord will not decay and that is what will form the basis for rebuilding the body when Allah is ready for the last day. Shame about those cremated, their spinal cord will not be available for reconstruction.

When this last day does arrive the Muslims will have to kill the non-Muslims. They will be aided and abetted by stones and trees that will give up the whereabouts of the Jews. Allah's Messenger did say in Sahih Muslim 41:6985, The last hour would not come unless the Muslims will fight against the Jews and the Muslims would kill them until the Jews would hide themselves behind a stone or a tree and a stone or a tree would say: Muslim, there is a Jew behind me; come and kill him; but the tree Gharqad would not say, for it is the tree of the Jews. It is important that mankind, for its long term safety, plant sufficient Gharqad trees so that non-Muslims hiding behind them will not be revealed to the marauding Muslim fighters.

Dangerous prophecies like this could, in the wrong hands, be self fulfilling, encouraging believers to hasten the last day by fighting against Jews and non Muslims. What could be better, for a believer, than bringing about the last day?

Praying will ensure we are in good stead for that critical day of resurrection. But ensure that when prayers are being offered, the eyes do not glance upwards. Muhammad warns mankind to be aware of this in Sahih Muslim 4:863, People should avoid lifting their eyes towards the sky while supplicating in prayer, otherwise their eyes would be snatched away.

Only when prayers are to be offered, should one wash their hands after using the toilet. In Sahih Muslim, Muhammad tells his followers that washing after toilet use was not necessary even if handling foodstuff. SM 3:728 The Apostle of Allah came out of the privy after relieving himself and food was brought to him and he took it, and did not touch water. It was said to the Apostle of Allah: You have not performed ablution. He said: I do not intend to say prayer that I should perform ablution (washing).

It is important to be clean before prayers. But how clean? Muhammad tells us that dust on the face and palm is a sufficient enough cleanser. Sahih Muslim 3:718 explains that after sex, most likely with some unfortunate captives of war, his soldiers had no water to purify themselves. Therefore Muhammad makes the following recommendation, We were in a military detachment and we had had a seminal emission and did not find water. I rolled in dust and said prayer, and the Apostle said: It was enough for you to strike the ground with your hands and then blow the dust and then wipe your face and palms.

When the prayers are to be said, make sure you have not eaten camel meat or are among the camels. Praying amongst Sheep is fine though, as explained in Sahih Muslim 3:700 A man asked whether he should perform ablution after eating mutton. Muhammad said: If you do not wish, do not perform it. The man asked: Should I perform ablution after eating camel's flesh? He said: Yes, perform it after eating camel's flesh. The man asked: May I say prayer whilst amongst the sheep? Muhammad said: Yes. The man then asked: May I say prayer where camels lie down? Muhammad said: No. In other texts we are warned against praying amongst dogs, donkeys and women, so we can now add camels to the list.

Muhammad was obviously a man subject to serious delusional attacks. Either that or he was a compulsive liar. He tells us in Sahih Bukhari, 8:345, of the night Gabriel came down, opened his chest, washed his organs and filled him up with wisdom prior to taking him off to heaven."While I was at Mecca the roof of my house was opened and Gabriel descended, opened my chest, and washed it with zam-zam water. Then he brought a golden tray full of wisdom and faith and poured its contents into my chest. Then he took my hand and ascended with me to the nearest heaven..." With Muhammad's chest now cleaned, wisdom could be poured in. In those days the function of the brain was unknown and the heart was considered the reservoir of emotions and knowledge. Hence Muhammad's claim that wisdom and faith was poured into his chest and not his head is understandable coming from someone of that period rather than someone with bona fide knowledge.

With such wisdom though, one would think the prophet would not be afraid of a solar eclipse. But we read in Sahih Bukhari 18:167, The sun eclipsed and the Prophet got up, being afraid that it might be the Day of Judgment. He went to the Mosque and offered the prayer with the longest Qiyam, bowing and prostration that I had ever seen him doing. Obviously terrified of the last hour, thinking a solar eclipse was the end of time, the prophet went scampering to the mosque and prayed like he never did before.

There will come a time when faith will not benefit those who never previously believed in Allah. That time will come when the sun rises from the West. Muhammad explains as follows: SM 1:297 The Messenger of Allah said: The sun glides till it reaches its resting place under the Throne. Then it falls prostrate and remains there until it is asked: Rise up and go to the place whence you came, and it goes back and continues emerging out from its rising place. Then it would be said to it: Rise up and emerge out from the place of your setting, and it will rise from the place of its setting. {i.e. the sun rises from the west} The Messenger of Allah said. Do you know when this would happen? It would happen at the time when faith will not benefit one who has not previously believed or has derived no good from the faith.

There are so many secrets of the universe that an all knowing, omniscient being could reveal to mankind should he decide to use an intermediary to make contact with us. As we can see above Muhammad did reveal many of these secrets. Here are a few additional choice selections from that era of divine enlightenment:

SB 65:366 The Prophet said, 'When you eat, do not wipe your hands till you have licked it, or had it licked by somebody else."

SB 69:538 Apostle said, "He who drinks in silver utensils is only filling his abdomen with Hell Fire."

SB 7368:1 The Prophet forbade laughing at a person who passes wind.

SB 72:826 Allah has cursed those women who have tattooing and those who remove hair from their faces to look beautiful.

SB 60:409 Allah's Apostle has cursed the lady who uses false hair.

SB 72:746 Allah's Apostle said, "None of you should walk, wearing one shoe only; he should either put on both shoes or put on no shoes whatsoever."

These pearls of celestial wisdom revealed in the seventh century from the apostle of Allah sadly brought no benefits to mankind. For humanity there were no leaps and bounds in our science, technology or arts that were derived directly from its scriptures. There was no concept of global unity or eradication of injustice. There was however a fervent divine urge to spread this ideology to all mankind by whatever means possible regardless of the consequences.