Universal Laws

From Mike Kroot

Universal Laws

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, coin, nut or bolt, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being observed is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change grocery lines (or traffic lanes), the line you were in will move faster than the one you are in now.

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is immersed in soap and water, the phone rings.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of Theaters and Sports Arenas- At any event, people whose seats are in the middle of the row always arrive last. They are also the ones who often leave their seats to go for food, drinks, or the toilet, and who leave before the performance or game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move, have long gangly legs and stay to the end. The aisle people are surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, someone will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold..

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're the wrong color.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product you really like, the manufacturer will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment with the doctor. By the time you get there, you'll feel better. But if don't make an appointment, you'll stay sick.