The Spoils of my Scrutiny
Updated in 2025
Water soluble oil paint on wood
18in x 24in
Sometimes I am so mean to myself; meaner than I would ever be to any of my loved ones. I spent so much time picking myself apart and speaking badly about myself, that I think of those opinions as fact. Even when it's just not true. I am a beautiful person, and I'm trying to keep reminding myself of that. I'm proud of who I am and what I've done. I have overcome a great deal and my accomplishments, skills, and soul deserve to shine. In the darkest and coldest places, we find beauty. Self-love and body-neutrality have been a bloody battle for me, and many others, I am allowed to grieve that but also to appreciate it.
While looking for inspiration I saw a picture of an oyster and I saw a figure sleeping in the crevice of the shell or a heart and lungs. I played with this idea, sketching out a fetus inside the shell, a girl holding a pearl laying inside, and lastly organs coming out of the oyster.
Older version:
Close up shots:
Sketches and references:
Progress shots: