november
All these would arrive to the very time when, as their BE comeback draws closer than ever, we were all about to bring up our thoughts and feelings about how our life has been affected the pandemic.
How many days had we been in quarantine?
Seven months..?
But we all felt like we were stuck in the same week. Like there was no passage of time. We did all that we can while stuck in our homes. I guess we would rather live that way than risk ourselves of experiencing our demise.
For months, the pandemic had always been that one thing. Now the pandemic is just one thing. November went off to an unfortunate start with a super typhoon similar to Haiyan in Chari-time. We were able to evacuate to a place near my college.. but it was the wrong typhoon we had actually escaped from! The only thing that we got out of it may be Cara's BE concept photos having been released on his monthsary elsewhere unlike the other members, who had theirs out while at home.
The next one was quite unpredictable. We were about to do the same there but it was too late. I had a very difficult time to adjust to how we ended up. I cried that night, on November 12. From my experience, I've had a very painful face and more particularly very painful eyes which carried on to the next morning. And I did what I had to do.
In spite of their ongoing BE promotions, for the first time the boys went on hiatus ahead of their comeback.
It's not that I had to conserve energy while power was out, nor do I have to give time to finish this set of notes.. but it is for the best. I had to let them go for the moment, despite not having done anything unfavorable in the last 14 days or so.
As of writing, I have already missed four nights of content - had it really been four! You see, this comeback lacks schedule this time, making it inefficient for content planning despite not having an event due to this era's perceived unpredictable nature. Should I blame Cara, whom I earlier revealed to be the visual director?
In fairness, he's actually clever with his ideas and concepts - but I have to admit, is also quite bizarre in executing them. I'm not saying he's not a good visual director. All his efforts have paid off, with the outcome almost similar to that of a professional! But I have put all of my trust in him that he would give what I need to see in a BTS comeback, and that he would deliver. So he's in a position where he'll always be the one to blame.
And November 20 came. It was the day of the comeback. Considering that Book 2 does not have events for the moment, there was not much to do. Everything had been set up for that day.
Despite not having an official promo event, we were this close to realizing what we envision for comeback day. We were this close to having one of the best days of the leadership.... when this happened.
I can't tell exactly what it is, but some misunderstanding happened within our family members which reached the point where our phones got confiscated. All these happened.... while I was LIVE.
And at the very moment when the boys themselves have returned.
It was not supposed to happen, but it was my first time to miss a comeback. No one expected it. Practically we can still go on. We had all we need! Except for the phones.
Imagine crying and feeling down instead of having one of the best days of my life! Well, they can be a consolation. If we consider them as solace in times like that, like to most ARMYs and Rainbows, then it should be a reason for us to go on. But I cannot. I'm not saying they are not, but I don't want to go on with the comeback and BE era with a bad memory. So I decided to do over everything, push that back, and nullify Friday's plan.
If I could undo what happened last Friday, I would. But time only moves forward, and that cannot be undone.
Everything that has been planned will be moved to a single day - today.
Today, indeed, becomes a very important day for the leadership. The boys will internally return exactly three years from the dissolution. I won't mind being four days late, for as long as we move forward. A new chapter will begin, once again, as 2020 finally comes to a close.
Looking back, this year turned out to be quite interesting. A lot of bad things may have happened this year. You can say it's the worst, but 2020 is the year when the pandemic shaped how things went to be. But that is not to say this year is short of great memories. Because if I ask you..
Was Lumiere a joke to you?
Were the releases of "On", "Black Swan", "Dynamite" and last Friday's "Life Goes On" jokes to you?
Were the edutainment concepts of The Great Divide and forever.21 not good enough?
Did The Great Divide even save you from getting COVID-19?
Should I regret opening myself and this leadership to dual stanning?
Wasn't Cara a revelation this year, of how one can defy the odds,
survive inconsistency and went on to lead for another year?
These questions are important, but it goes back to only one.. the most essential, the objective, and the reason for everything I do:
How did my life go on?
I don't really know. But if I am to compare who I was three years ago to who I am now, I can say I have grown a lot. I have become stronger, wiser, and more passionate, although I still have many big changes to consider. I am still a work in progress. I am far from complete. At least I know what I am doing. I know that everything I do is a step closer to where I want to be.
But from this day on, I'll take what I learned from this year. I decide to identify my personal values to keep me guided, as I continue to discover my purpose along the way. It's what I need to prepare for the uncertainty, now that we have entered a new era within the leadership - the BE era.
Life goes on, they say.
Life goes on. Just like Caratime.