Grief in Individuals

What's the difference between grief and trauma?

Grief is the normal and natural response to loss, and can be seen as a feeling of deep sorrow
Trauma is an event that causes psychological, physical, emotional or mental harm

How do people typically deal with grief? What is the best way to address traumatic events?

People typically respond to grief in 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
The best way to deal with traumatic events is to seek the support of others and prioritize taking care of oneself.

Five Stages of Grief (deep sorrow)

Denial and Isolation

Blocking out the words and hiding from the facts: "this isn't happening, this can't be happening"

Anger

Anger towards a deceased loved one
Being angry at them makes us angrier

Bargaining

Trying to regain control of the situation: “if only we got medical attention sooner”

Depression (two types)

Reaction to the practical implications relating to the loss (sadness and regret)
More subtle and private depression

Acceptance

Withdrawal and calm— not a phase of happiness, but this is distinguished from depression
Needing acceptance because resisting will prolong the natural process of healing

Dealing with Traumatic Events (disturbing experience)

Feelings following a hate crime can include shock, sorrow, numbness, fear, anger, disillusionment, grief
People find themselves having trouble sleeping, eating, concentrating, or remembering simple tasks

Tips to Help with Trauma:

Talk about it
- Get support from people who care about you and will listen to you
- Get support from a therapist or medical professional specializing in trauma
Strive for Balance
- Reminding yourself of meaningful and comforting people and events
  - Allows a healthier perspective on yourself and the world around you
Limit time on Screens
- Limit the time you spend taking news
  - Overexposure can increase stress
- Focus on something you enjoy that will lift your spirits
Honor your feelings
- Remember it’s common to have a range of emotions after traumatic incident
Take care of yourself
- Practice healthy behaviors to enhance your ability to cope with stress
- Avoid alcohol & drugs because they suppress feelings and can intensify physical or emotional pain
Help others do something productive
- Find ways to help others affected by the traumatic event

How Grief Can Change People For the Better

opportunity to feel closer to others, esp. friends/family who have provided good support
new friendships that may develop because of loss – a coworker or neighbor who unexpectedly reached out, or connections made in a support group
no longer sweating the small stuff, having a deeper understanding of what really matters
becoming more compassionate and understanding to those around us
the loss of a loved one can show us strength, resilience, and independence we may not have known we have. It can create opportunities for us to surprise ourselves with the things we can do, and the things we can endure

Below are some case studies about grief in individuals. The first case study is about a woman, Vicki, whom feels guilty for the loss of her recovering alcoholic son. The second case study is about a woman named Tanja whose son was shot after stepping out of his car when he was driving with a friend.

Case Study One

Vicki knew her son was a recovering alcoholic who had recently relapsed; therefore she felt guilty when he was pronounced brain dead from a bad drunk-driving accident. Vicki could not stop thinking about him for the next two years and her therapist commented that "she seemed to be intent on holding on to him, at the cost of reconnecting with her own life." Vicki is part of the 10% of grievers who have prolonged grief.

Case Study Two

Tanja did not cry at her son's funeral or when she was by herself. She went through many stages of anger and wants to ask the killer, "What did he do to you? Did you even know him?" After the death she lost weight, and suffered a series of health problems. Although she has experienced lot of sorrow and isolation

Watch the trailer on the left for a story of one community's response to a devastating hate crime.

References

American Psychological Association. (2019). Managing Your Distress in the Aftermath of a Shooting. http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/mass-shooting

Axelrod, J. (2019, November 20). The 5 Stages of Grief & Loss. Retrieved March 5, 2020, from Pysch Central website: https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

Gilbert, K. R. (2010, August 26). Traumatic Loss and Grief. Retrieved March 5, 2020, from Grief in a Family Context website: http://www.indiana.edu/~famlygrf/units/traumatic.html

Hughes, V. (2014, November 7). When Grief Is Traumatic. Retrieved March 5, 2020, from National Geographic website: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/phenomena/2014/11/07/when-grief-is-traumatic/

James, A. (2015, February 18). What is the Difference Between Trauma and Grief? Retrieved March 5, 2020, from The Grief Recovery Method website: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/blog/2015/02/what-difference-between-trauma-and-grief

Liss, S. (2019, January 28). A Candlelight Vigil on October 12, 1998, the Day That Shepard Died [Photograph]. Retrieved from https://upfront.scholastic.com/issues/2018-19/012819/remembering-matthew-shepard.html#1190L

Luthern, A. (2019, April 11). 'This doesn't go away': When your child is murdered, grief is only the beginning. Retrieved March 9, 2020, from Milwaukee Journal Sentinel website: https://projects.jsonline.com/news/2019/4/11/when-your-child-is-murdered-grief-is-only-the-beginning.html

Not In Our Town: Light in the Darkness Trailer [Video file]. (2011, July 18). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=214&v=Hi32RBheMbY&feature=emb_logo

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