The Rules of Stone Clearing

There are no rules to stone clearing. Here they are.

  1. There are no rules (C0)

  2. If you throw stones, be careful not to hit people or dogs (C2)

  3. Do not stone-clear under the influence of alcohol. There is no safe limit (C7)

  4. Be patient, but don't be complacent (C1)

  5. If you drop a stone, you must pick it up again (C1)

  6. If you encounter dog walkers, you must surreptitiously drop the stones (C1)

  7. Don't move another stone clearer's stones (C1)

  8. Don't tell the farmer what you're doing (C1)

  9. If it's organic, no need to panic... (C2)

  10. ...If it's not, chuck out the twot (C2)

  11. Unless it's soil (C10)

  12. You must be over 16 years old to stone clear. (C12)

  13. You make your own rules (C7)

  14. When you start to clear a field, you must finish it (C9)

  15. You must not clear another person's field (C9)

  16. Do not build walls or cairns blocking a public right of way (C9) , except for animal tracks. Block them up. (C17)

  17. Do not take stones beyond the boundary of the field (C11). If you do , they will be cursed (C18)

  18. Do not bring stones onto the field from elsewhere (C11) For example, from the path leading to the field (C16)

  19. Once a stone has been cleared, let it remain where it is. (C12)

  20. Do unto others as thou wouldst be done by. And throw stones. (C14)

  21. If you don't cheer at the part where he tries to hit the pole, you have to go back to Chapter One and start listening again. (C17)

  22. You must be over 20 to track down and murder a stone clearer (technically, this is not a rule of stone clearing) (C19)

  23. Rules are meant to be broken, except the stone clearing rules. (C20)

  24. Thou shalt not seek vainglorious happiness for thyself via stone clearing (C26)

  25. Stone clearing must be done by hand, not by any mechanical means. However, if a piece of farming equipment has unearthed stones, you are allowed to take advantage of that. (C35)

  26. Don't wear your nice Sunday best clothes. (C37)

  27. Be courteous when you return from the field (for instance, remove your muddy boots) (C37)

  28. Do not masturbate to another person's stone clearing. Even with permission. (C38)

  29. Do not teach children that it's a good idea to throw stones. (C41)

  30. You do not have to obey the rules of the land when stone clearing... (C41)

  31. ... though that might result in prison, so you might have to obey the rules. A bit. (C41)

  32. You must not attach a flaming torch to your head (C42)

  33. Look after your children and educate them (C43)

  34. Try to get the stones away from the field. (I mean, this is so basic it should really be rule 1, to be honest. (C44)

  35. Do not poo in stones under any circumstances. (Although weeing is fine) (C47)