Chapters 0-10
Chapter ten: Bleffed are the Ftone Clearerf
A very philosophical chapter. There was proof (if proof be need be) of the existence of the Stone Gods, who have made stones appear where once there were none. At one point, they made a stone appear underneath Richard's hat, which would have been even more impressive if it had been on his head at the time. As it was, Wolfie had dropped it on the ground, which might instead be evidence of her training as a stone-pointer.
But it is clearly true that the Stone Gods are real, as the universe is made of stones. Forget about molecules, or electrons or Quark. It has always been stones, and thuf it fhall be in perpetuity.
An initially disappointing effort at hitting the post, swiftly turned around with a second batch of stones.
The mystery voice was revealed as belonging to Michael Sheen.
https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/chapter_10/
Date: January 2019Weather: SunnyGround Quality: Frosty - considerable clampingEncounters with locals: 32 / 6 stones hit the post
Chapter nINE: sTANLEY IS A DICK
An absolute stormer of a chapter. Not that it matters. What matters is the fact that the stones are cleared, not the entertainment value therein.
Nevertheless, this had it all: the proper mention of The Venerable Bede's thoughts about Ftone Clearerf, dog walkers aplenty and Wolfie being attacked by dogs on two separate occasions. Also, we had a rare 100% success rate when hitting the post.
The crops are growing now, as spring is on the way.
Here's a link to Bede's Ecclesiastical History of the English People. I could not find any mention of stone clearers, but maybe I had a poor translation.
http://www.heroofcamelot.com/docs/Bede-Ecclesiastical-History.pdf
https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/chapter_9/
Date: January 2019Weather: Bright sun but coldGround Quality: Wet soil. Frozen puddles.Encounters with locals: 71 / 1 stones hit the post!
Chapter eight: Ozymandius
What starts with a beautiful piece of singing from Richard's daughter quickly descends into a frantic game of hide and seek, as Richard evades the attentions of, it seems, half the population of Hertfordshire who are out walking their dogs.
Not much stone clearing occurs, unless you count another transgression into the forbidden field to collect the wrong stones. Only an idiot would count that.
https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/chapter_8/
Date: January 2019Weather: Not too cold. CloudyGround Quality: DampEncounters with locals: Many1 / 5 stones hit the post
Chapter seven: Brave new field
In this episode we learn that Christmas for stone clearers is insignificant, as their year lasts as long as the time taken to clear a field. As we know from chapter 6, this is 273 years. Thus we can calculate that Stone Clearer's Christmas will fall in 2287. Mark your calendars!
Presumably there will also be a Stone Clearer's Easter Sunday, when Jesus rolled a huge stone and cleared the entrance to a cave.
In this chapter Richard transgressed onto a neighbouring field, tempted by the bounteous booty on offer. He picked up several large, impressive stones and placed them on his cairn. While this is not in direct contravention of the rules, it is skirting perilously close to rule 7 ("Do not touch another stone clearer's stones"). If we give the benefit of the doubt, we might assume that the other field has no designated clearer. However, such distraction from the clearance of Richard's field must be discouraged.
Wolfie shows potential in tracking stones. First mention of the Venerable Bede.
https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/chapter_7/
Date: January 2019Weather: Bright and sunnyGround Quality: Not specifiedEncounters with locals: 31 / 3 stones hit the post
Chapter six: Horizontal rain
A night raid on the field turned out to be a demoralising, wet experience. Richard struggled to find any corkers and returned home to find that his curry wasn't even ready yet.
We learn that the size of the field is 141,000 square metres (though this is just an estimate), and that it will take 273 years to clear a field which does necessitate that I keep paying for this web domain until it's finished. This will cost around £2500, which I think is a worthwhile investment. To this end I have already contacted solicitors to add a condition in my last will and testament, so that my ancestors will be obliged to keep up the payments and to continue updating the web site.
https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/chapter_6/
Date: December 2018Weather: Horizontal rainGround Quality: Wet & very coldEncounters with locals: 00 / 0 stones hit the post
Chapter five: Dementia Dog
Richard replaced his gloves with metal-infused versions. He discusses the essential pieces of stone clearing equipment, from head to toe, while attempting to train Wolfie to identify potential stones.
Richard recounts the tale of an encounter with an angry local who took against Wolfie, but this did not occur on microphone, so we won't include it in the log (I don't mean the logdog).
https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/chapter_5/
Date: December 2018Weather: Unseasonably warm. Some rain - sighting of rainbowGround Quality: MoistEncounters with locals: 31 / 3 stones hit the post
Chapter four: Stones 1 Gloves 0
Leaving behind a house beset by sickness, a rejuvenated Richard returns once again to the field.
In this episode we learn that Richard "doesn't know much about history or science." This is self evident, as he answers a correspondent's question about urinating on cairns with a response that is, frankly, bullshit.
The first sighting of a logdog, though the name was not coined until the following episode.
We learn that iPhones are the modern-day equivalent of stones and Richards gloves wear out, such is the power of his clearing.
https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/chapter_4/
Date: December 2018Weather: Bright sun, coldGround Quality: Frosty, but not hard. "The Stone Gods have covered it with their buttery ejaculate"Encounters with locals: 21 / 2 stones hit the post
Chapter THREE: No sparks
An advanced episode. If you are a fledgling stone clearer, you are urged to go back to the paddling pool of Chapter One. This is the deep end, and it's not for the faint-hearted.
Richard goes out in the night, torch in hand, risking attack from ghosts and nighthawks.
Does he manage to make sparks by throwing one stone onto another? No
But does he find his "Great White Stone"? Again, no.
Richard gets demoralised and goes home to clear another day.
https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/chapter_3/
Date: November 2018Weather: Cloudy (night)Ground Quality: Dark - "the ground itself looks like a stone"Encounters with locals: None0 / 0 stones hit the post
Chapter Two: Ground SpideRs
This episode introduced the theme music for the show, composed by Mike Cosgrave.
The main topic is "things that are not stones", which include leaves, dog poo and spiders' webs.
We learn that 5 small stones = 1 medium sized stone. There were no stones thrown at a pole in this episode.
https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/chapter_2/
Date: November 2018Weather: Cold but brightGround Quality: Frosty, ClaggyEncounters with locals: 40 / 0 stones hit the post
Chapter One: Rock Paper Scissors
The introduction of the "voice of the stones", the identity of whom was initially a mystery.
This was a beginner's episode, in which the initial Rules of Stone Clearing are laid down. Lots of advice is given to fledgling clearers. Also the introduction of the "hit the post" sub-game.
https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/chapter_1/
Date: November 2018Weather: Not specifiedGround Quality: Not freezingEncounters with locals: 20 / 3 stones hit the post
Chapter Zero: Intro
An introduction to the art of stone clearing. As well as establishing the basic concepts of Stone Clearing, Richard ponders how stones can reappear in a previously cleared area. His suggestions are rain, or a mischievous Stone God.
https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/intro/
Date: November 2018Weather: RainyGround Quality: WetEncounters with locals: 1