Cat in the Hat

A brief recording of mother, accompanied by sillhoudte, proclaims "Now don't cause too much a mess! I'll be back in a jiffy!"

Walking around the expansive foyer, you notice a knocking come from the other end of the door. A strange voice says, "come on into the living room!" followed by a series of strange crashing sounds and a cat squealing.

Now I should mention kids in the real world if a strange cat-faced man ever asks to run away with ya to "play" you should say no thank you sir and run away to your parents. Safety is important at all times! Oh yeah!

Walking into the living room, we catch our first glance at glorious me! Don't I look beautiful!?! I got my fur done at the Four Seasons. Their landscaping prices are really reasonable! Oh yeah!

And here you see me balancing a rake, umbrella, stack of books, and open glass of milk, all on a pogo stick mind you! I'm telling you, I'm a cat like no other. Well, technically that's an animatronic of me, but Universal wouldn't let me play myself in the attraction. Said I was too "annoying", but I don't what that word means, and I'm the last person to use a dictionary! Oh yeah!

But I'm not the only one crazy. All around the house weird things are ticking - the clock is going backward, the lamp is fluttering in and out, and the TV is playing a live feed of the Taiwanese Parliament.

That's part of the benefits of a walkthrough attraction. You can stay here as long as you'd like. This realistic depiction of yours truly even talks to you in different audio clips, recorded straight from the movie! I believe you'd have to sit here for 20 minutes straight before I start repeating things I said before, so the immersion is never broken! Oh yeah!

Leaving the living room we enter the kitchen, which doubles as a theater for the only good part of my movie. This plays on loop. When you're satisfied with the performance you can walk away and into the next room, the bathroom.

The bathroom has been flooded by yours truly. If you look into the mirror, you'll see it's no mirror at all, but a window of my face laughing at you! Oh yeah! Also flooded in the toilet is the fish, who shouts at how much I'm ruining things.

Leaving the bathroom we walk up a spiral ramp, leading to the second floor of the house. The spiral ramp is accessible in compliance with the Americans With Disabilities Act of 1991 and all federal codes. Please see my legal team for more details.

On the second floor, an animatronic of yours truly laughs while opening up a box -- containing my dearest assistants, Thing Two and Thing One!

The animatronics pop out of the box for some time before returning inside, creating the illusion to passing guests on the walkthrough that my animatronic is opening the box right as they pass. Now that the Things have been unleashed, things get a bit crazy. If you know what I mean.

The Things decide to play hide and seek, jumping out from the many bedrooms to jump scaring the kids. At this point, our target audience is crying and asking to go home, but we keep it going! On and on through the maze while yours truly and the Things make soon-to-be outdated pop culture references.

From a window we see a silhouette of Conrad, one of the kids from the movie, opening up the box to Thing One and Thing Two... permanently. I try to stop him, but it's too late. Your world begins to blend with mine.

The walls become distorted. Strange plants begin to grow. The water turns a gooey purple. As we walk down the hall, something weird happens... it begins to turn! In classic funhouse fashion, try to and walk straight as the hallway rotates counter-clockwise (I just couldn't settle for clockwise, Universal Creative made a big fuss over it).

The next room we enter is a Mirror Maze, but with a catch: all the mirrors are distorted! Except for a few, which are actually screens in which yours truly jumps out and says boo. The last few children not crying are now crying. Oh yeah!

After the Mirror Maze, we are left with a massive gooey room. Frankly, I have no idea where we are at this point. Just go with the flow. We have to ride down goo like in the movie. Take the slide if you feel adventurous, or the stair if you're BORING. Don't say I didn't warn you when I jump out on the stairs abuot how BORING you are!

We all sing a musical number! Woohooo!

The living room is being repaired as yours truly and the things drive around in wacky machines designed to clean everything up. All around the room, destroyed couches, tables, even parts of the wall are fixed by my machine. All the while we sing "making it better", from the hit 2003 movie! Oh yeah!

In the final room, we see everything has returned to normal. The kid's mother has returned home, and the kids wonder if they should tell her about my presence. But wait. Just outside in the window, the Things and I are watching them, creepily smiling. Hehehhehe!

And that's the end of my walkthrough! From here it's out to the backyard and then into Seuss Landing. Critics might have blasted my attraction for "ruining the humble and whimsical original walkthrough, which was dedicated to retelling the classic novel, nothing more, nothing less". But you know what I say to all the haters?