Death Dinner

Birth → Death: all transitions, all liminal space

Death is in my future.  It is for all of us - not that we like to dwell on that, but when we do, when we come into that in-between space where we have the opportunity to consider our life (and, in turn, our death), it offers us something beautiful: a chance to practice releasing the things that no longer serve us; quiet moments to look back on the glorious and not-so-glorious seasons of our life and come to terms with the fact that we cannot change the past but we can reframe it by seeing what it taught us - good, bad, and ugly; time to intentionally consider what we want our life to look like from here on out - whatever that may be.

When studying different cultures around the world, it becomes obvious that each culture navigates death in a unique way that speaks to that culture- although it is something that is universally human, different people certainly see death in different ways.  This is true even how one defines death: In some cultures, death is seen as a complete cessation of life, an end with nothing on the other side; in others, death is defined as a transition to something more and better, something divine and mysterious; in still others, death is merely a step toward a rebirth, reincarnation, or even moving into an infinite space of ancestorhood.  Of course, many of those definitions are dependent on religion and morality, but even in the rituals of death, there is much diversity throughout the world.  

No matter the culture, honoring the dead is part of the practice, but so often it feels hard for the loved ones of the dead or dying to do that when we are so caught up in our own complicated emotions in the transitional phase from life to death.  Today many people plan ahead for their funerals, making all of the arrangements ahead of time so that their loved ones can simply grieve and not have to make many complicated decisions.  Not long ago, I spent a good part of Mother's Day with my parents, wandering around the cemetery that will be their final resting place and contemplating what they might want on their tombstone.  It felt nice to be able to talk about something that is often not talked about, something that is inevitable because none of us are getting out of this journey alive.  All of our stories will have a final chapter, a last page, a “the end.”  

To make that more comfortable, I decided to host a Death Dinner, gathering dear friends around a dinner table and talking about death and dying.  It was an extraordinarily beautiful evening of vulnerability, rich and open-hearted conversation and a thoughtful exchange of ideas and some practical planning as well.

While we are all living - and hopefully living abundantly and well - I also am mindful that we all die.  I know death is a scary, uncomfortable topic for many people, but I’d like to shed that taboo a bit with a Death Dinner.

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Details of a Death Dinner

Who: A handful of your dearest, most-trusted friends. (I would recommend no more than 10.  Couples may consider including other couples.  Some may want to be surrounded by family for this conversation.

What: a social gathering where we share a meal and have open, guided conversations about death, dying, and end-of-life wishes to encourage proactive planning

Where: In your home or another comfortable location

Why: It's a way to connect, share experiences, and make plans for the inevitable.

How: A simple meal with discussions on topics like funerals, legacy, and personal end-of-life plans; a safe space for deep, meaningful dialogue

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In essence, a death dinner transforms a meal into a powerful tool for living more fully by confronting mortality together.

If this experience sounds like something that would serve you well, please reach out to Seeking Sabbath Retreats.  We will facilitate the conversation, bring the supplies and can even provide the meal.  

We look forward to serving you as you consider a Death Dinner.