COMPASSIONATE BOUNDARIES AND WHY THEY MATTER?

OCTOBER 2019

Over the last few weeks, South Africa has grappled with the devastating effects of gender and child-based violence, with debates and protest action against both occurring across the country.

In stark contrast, South Africa's Constitutional Court recently ruled in favour of the high court ruling that declared corporal punishment at home, in the name of discipline, unconstitutional. Reactions to the ruling have been mixed - with many parents feeling that the most effective way to control or discipline a child is through force and asserting their dominance - using this as a parenting tool.

This could not be further from the truth and often results in a child becoming a teen who feels violated, invisible, and shamed. In addition, it does not teach the child responsibility nor allow natural consequences to take their course. Where enforcing discipline tends to be a one-way engagement on the part of the parent toward the child and is 'done' to the child, setting boundaries is a two-way engagement, empowering the child to be accountable.

By using compassionate boundaries, the parent questions and becomes curious about their child's behaviour and in doing so, meets the child where they are. Behaviour does not occur in isolation or a vacuum; there is always context. Having the courage to use compassionate boundaries, rather than any form of corporal punishment as discipline, is where connection (the ability to emotionally connect to your child) meets compassion.