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CUSTOMER SUPPORT OFFICES IN AMERICA FOR AMERICA -
CUSTOMER SUPPORT OFFICES IN AMERICA FOR AMERICA -
Our main office in Hemet California employs around 12800 employees. As a result of mass-hiring ex-convicts, internal gangs have been formed. Each gang controls a designated section of the office. The area rug is a neutral ground, where peace talks and miscellanious events occur. As customer calls enter the office, they are transferred between the internal gangs, who work on the call and transfer it to anyone willing to take it. Internal gangs are monitored by our internal police force, and each gang must pay designated rent for each square meter of territory. Gangs consist of hired employees, although some homeless men have recently taken up some space of their own. This space is used for goat cheese sacrificing, where large blocks of Danish goat cheese and doused in aviation fuel and burnt up.
Gang boundaries are marked by tape lines, scented candles, office decorations such as flags, NERF machine guns, office chairs, walls made of paper stacks, coffee machines, books, old computers and strips of cardboard lined with upward facing staples.
Gang wars have increased recently, after a rogue Flatbush North affiliate moved MANC's tape border six inches away, causing a mass tape pulling war, which became so hostile that police were called to re-lay tape borders and sharpie the respective gang names on the borders. Violence further escalated after several rogue members from Torshavn, Happy Owls, Nublufy, MANC and Newmark walked unnoticed into All India territory, causing a tape roll throwing war that ended in 19 injuries. Lazimus gang has also recently teamed with 118th / Marvo to take territory from Flatbush central; while Tenth Avenue, Swope Park, New Rialto and Banh have planned tape attacks against 59th street gang. Police intervened in Flatbush-Denmark after a laundry bin had been thrown from FB-DK into Torshavn, over Pilatus, which caused a three way laundry basket war.
The main office has become so hostile, in fact, that if any employee is to cross gang boundaries, they must adhere to specific compliance rules, before being sniffed out by Kyle with a very strong nose, VAPE manager and security officer. They are then allowed to cross any territory, so long as they don't have any neck tattoos or weapons. If the employee who is crossing has a coffee stain on their shirt, they must try a smoke of Kyle's cotton candy VAPE pen.
Some gangs require any member with a receding hairline to get a tattoo on their left thigh that reads "BIRNEY". Gang members also capture Kyle's VAPE clouds in glass jars, and sell them among- each other. On Valentine's day, gang wars are suspended for four hours, twenty minutes, and gang members trade temporary tattoos, valentine's day cards, paperclips and water filters. On christmas, gang wars are suspended for sixty nine minutes, and a giant blue eel is paraded around the office by each employee. The gang member holding the eel when the time is up has to file a trademark for the Danish alphabet.
On Thanksgiving, a living turkey is set free in the office, with a bottle of air spray and a remote controlled spraying mechanism strapped round its back. Wherever the turkey is when it runs out of air spray is declared of a haunted area by the Son of Tatenworth. This haunted gang will then have purple and green streamers set up in their territory, and Kyle will blow a VAPE cloud up the vent towards their territory.
Canterburry gang buys office supplies in bulk and sells them to gangs to make money. Their gang territory is used to hold supplies for sale, and is considered a neutral area. Canterburry gang also buys wood boards and can construct storage closets and walls for gangs. Most gangs have a supply closet and small supply office in each section of territory. Supplies are stored and managed here by a designated team member. Pictures of these supply closets can be found below. Flatbush closets often have yellow flags and decorations inside them.
Larger gangs such as Flatbush, Chen Chillie, 59th street, Tso Tsung Ann and Flatbush Denmark have internal Fleet Services divisions or equivalent. Flatbush and Chen Chillie share a joint fleet department known as TAEYANG. 59th street and Tso Tsung Ann have a joint fleet group also called CRABASS POLLITT. Flatbush Denmark has its Fleet Group. These divisions have their own small supply closets and workshops where office supplies and weaponry are stored and repaired. Flatbush gang alone has over 700 remote control cars in the main office alone. These RC cars deliver supplies and attack enemies. Most are black and feature a three digit number in yellow font. 59th street built elaborate model train systems inside the ventilation ducts which were primarily used to deliver staples, correctional fluid, coffee and pens between gang sections not connected to the rest. Rival gangs eventually planted 17 tons of C4 explosives in the ventilation ducts to destroy the trains, but 59th street had already ended its model train service, so only track was damaged. Over 60,000 pieces of plastic train track were littered around the office and because the explosion was in the scintillation ducts, employees found melted plastic fumes in the air causing health issues.
A collection of 1200 model train cars and locomotives were confiscated by Flatbush when 59th street gang abandoned a small corner section. These trains are now used by Flatbush to transfer office supplies within large areas of territory.
For large gang territories and supply transfers between offices, modified RC cars can pull gardening wagons filled with various supplies. In Flatbush and Chen Chillie office territories, discarded coffee grounds are not thrown in the trash, but rather they are stored in large bins or dumped down chutes into awaiting gardening wagons. These wagons are pulled, via powerful RC cars, to a Flatbush / Chen Chillie joint warehouse rented by Flatbush members. At the warehouse, these coffee grounds are mixed with buckets of school glue, superglue, industrial adhesives, melted lollipops, mustard, staples, paper and cardboard shreds, used computer wires, pens, pencils, pencil lead, pen ink, water, honey, rubber bands, crushed tortilla chips, expired lettuce, ketchup, vodka, correctional fluid, Hollandaise sauce, crushed peanuts, crushed Danish butter cookies, string and yarn, used tissues, leaves, grass, lotion, dried strawberries, soil, used cigarette butts, shredded soap bars, cat food, new cat litter pellets, olive oil, shredded plastic bottles, grass clippings, cinnamon, lint from drying machines, plastic packaging, shredded leaves, expired mayonnaise, shrimp tails, shredded tires and shredded mousepads to form sections of dense, walls and barriers which provide any guests with an immediate olfactory assault. These barriers, called V109 sections, are cooked in a furnace for 12 hours and then set out to dry for eight days. The barriers are water proof and can resist a very wide range of temperatures. There are connections slots in each barrier section (12 feet long, 3 feet tall and 3 feet wide / 1 meters long, 1 meter tall and 1 meter wide)
and are then loaded onto flatbed carts and sent to gang territories where they defend against rival gangs which shoot staples and pens into them.
Flatbush and Chen Chillie gangs use an internal group of members known as J20 to funnel supplies. J20 is a group of about 100 private contractors whose only duty is to go to office supply stores, buy office supplies in bulk, and deliver them to Flatbush and Chen Chillie gang territory. J20 stands for "Joint 20" because there were originally 20 members and both gangs share the group. Tso Tsung Ann and 59th street have a similar group known as Ho Lee Fuk (HLF).
Flatbush gang makes its own chemical agent which is dumped into the ventilation ducts over enemy territory, where it is designed to drip into enemy coffee machines and on top of enemy equipment. The chemical, called 29B, is made at the Flatbush warehouse and consists of water, honey, correctional fluid, mustard, ketchup, Hollandaise sauce, school glue, soy sauce, ground salsa, air spray, dish soap and vodka.
Our other factories and offices also have gang activity, although less so than the main factory.
Internal gangs
Flatbush boys (South, Central, North, East, West, Old town, Greenwich, Liberty, Telford)
Tenth Avenue Gang
Tso-Tsung Ann Gang (C1, C2, C3, C4, C5)
Dunder
NEWMARK GANG
Ted's Flock
Fifty-ninth street gang
Banh Gang
Silent Panther Gang
118th and Marvo
HAPPY OWL GANG
Hard Carry / Baseline Gang
Big Dawgs
Nublufy Gang
Lenna Kuurmaa South
Lenna Kuurma Old North
Saint Pierre Gang
Bankertown Gang
Jorge Trejo Gang
Manc Avenue Gang
NEW RIALTO GANG
Pinecone-Pius Gang
All India Alliance (New flatbush, New Kashmir, East Pommerania, Lodi, Rialto)
Pilatus Street Gang
East Loading Dock Gang
Swope Park Gang
PRICE STREET CLAN
Torshavn Gang
Flatbush-Denmark Gang
Canterburry Clan
Chen Chillie Clan (Central, FGANGS reetown)
Lazimus 11:34 Gang
Superbad Gang
Gemstone Gang
Homeless men area
Our Alameda County office has also seen a spike in gang activity. It all started when Flatbush members drove to the Alameda County office after work, and established their own tape boundaries. However due to a massive tape shortage among Flatbush members, much of the office was left unclaimed. Things were peaceful, until Ted the Goose ordered an eviction notice for the New Rialto Gang's Nazju-Falon area, when Ted wanted to establish his diplomacy station. The New Rialto gang contracted the Flatbush gang to surround the diplomacy station and re-obtain some candy jars they had left behind. Rumor has it the candy jars were eaten by Ted himself, but Flatbush still surrounds the station.
Flatbush members guard the entrance of the office, armed with high-power rubber band guns and silly putty cannonballs. Rival gang members enter their territories from ladders suspended from the ceiling. Before gang tensions had arised, several area rugs were around the offices. These rugs serve has neutral ground for coffee, tape replenishment, medical operations and all police equipment.
One war factor unique to the Alameda County Office is phone transferring wars, where gang members steal phone calls from sales associates and transfer them to rival gangs. The phone calls are transferred between gangs, sometimes up to 420 times per minute, and whichever gang has the call when the ringer stops, all of the members must perform a traditional Danish rain dance, upload it to Youtube and eat Rye bread soaked in Hollandaise sauce.
Flatbush members are notorious for using remote control planes and cars to leave baby dolls filled with vodka and plastic explosives all around the office area. One RC plane flew into a toilet in 59th street territory, resulting in detonation. This detonation caused multiple water pipes to burst. On another occasion, an RC car overheated after driving into a paper box wall. This caused a fire and a detonation, which heavily damaged Happy owl territory. Happy Owl members responded by making a zipline out of paper clips. This zipline was used to drop buckets of correction fluid and cold coffee all over Flatbush weaponry. Many gangs have begun buying used cardboard boxes from the loading dock mafia and sticking upward faced staples all throughout long strips of cardboard. The staples are supplied by the Canterburry gang. Members of Canterburry buy office supplies such as staples, pencils, pens, ink, chairs, paper, erasers, glue and more in bulk and sell them to gangs throughout the office. Canterburry only has territory in the main office, but members still drive to other offices to sell office supplies.
Gangs inside the Alameda County Office
Flatbush (Nelly Furtadoville, Dirty South, Los Ombligos, Alameda, Eaton, Morena)
59th Street Gang (New Thailand, Dublin, Cameo East, West Omega
Loading Dock Mafia
Flatbush-Denmark, Aalborg
Happy Owls, Montego Bay
Tso Tsung Ann, Chengdu South
During the design state for the Dunder office in 2006, Flatbush gang members paid Overwatch executives to keep the new office a secret until it was open. Flatbush had then prepared a surplus of blue tape and sharpies in Skid's (a Flatbush member) Jeep. Despite lots of tape, other gangs trained rats to eat blue tape, and they set them free in the office at night, erasing Flatbush territory. Eventually, the rats were killed using African hyenas, but much of Flatbush's territory had been lost and claimed by rival gangs. Stacks of paper boxes surrounded 59th Street's Novak territory, and boards full of upward-facing thumb tacks had been placed everywhere. With no area rug present in this office, gang wars have reached immense violence, so much so, in fact, that the internal police force left the Dunder office entirely.
A mentos-coke bomb exploded several months ago, on the edge of Flatbush's Bullritten territory. The explosion damaged over five thousand sheets of paper, and inured 34 gang members. Jorge Trejo gang members were blamed, and Flatbush gang members hired several Polish spies to invade Studio City South, where they dumped buckets of black printer ink. With the ink covering the tape, Watermelontown Gang, Flatbush gang and Flatbush-Denmark gang moved tape borders, cutting Studio City South by over 69%.
Violence has continued ever since, with daily thumb tack wars. Each Flatbush territory has a surplus of coke bottles and mentos, hidden behind office cabinets. If utilized, this weapons surplus could several damage the entire office, and could possibly kill up to 697 office workers.
Just four days ago, members from Flatbush Bullritten used a Beyblade spinning top to douse Happy Owls territory in aviation fuel, which they then lit on fire. The fire did little damage, as Happy Owl territory is lined with non-flammable paper stacks. Happy Owls responded by using mice to erode at Flatbush's paper wall. However, the paper stacks were lined with plastic explosives, which resulted in bits of mouse head all round the office. A mouse paw was found in a coffee pot in 59th's Novak.
Flatbush Gang (Bullritten, Bluestown, Peachtown, Numbertown, Noozie, Jefferson, Wicktown, Scranton)
59th Street gang, Novak
Happy Owls, Colombo
Watermelontown Gang (Rexton, Acterra)
Tso Tsung Ann, Gold Peak
Chen Chillie Clan, Azalea
Flatbush-Denmark, Nyhavn-17
Jorge Trejo, Studio City South