Self-Advocacy

The pandemic has forced us to pay better attention to self-care. We’ve moved from thinking of self-care as self-pampering and self-indulgence to understanding that it's the essence of resilience (our ability to adapt to life's challenges). When we prioritize our own wellness, we can live with intention, care for others, and be our best.

When taking care of ourselves, setting limits and advocating for ourselves are essential - and also often forgotten. Using the the ‘circle of security' as a model of self-care,

we know the bottom hand supports and nurtures, while the top hand provides structure, high expectations, goals, boundaries, and limits. To truly care for ourselves (and others) both hands have to be in balance.

Many of us are making great strides in providing bottom hand support for ourselves, but are still struggling with the top hand. So, what's the key to having a firm top hand on our own circle? Self-advocacy. When advocating for ourselves we are setting boundaries and limits (being clear in what we say "yes" and "no" to - and doing it!), while standing up for ourselves in a way that gets our needs met. We are recognizing and honoring our own emotions and needs. Paying attention to unpleasant emotions, like anger and anxiety, is an easy way to know when the top hand needs strengthening and that self-advocacy may be in order.

Unfortunately, advocating for ourselves is a skill most of us have never been taught, and, thus, it is challenging to do well. The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC.org) has created a helpful framework. (SEE BELOW)

This framework is meant to help us effectively communicate with others, but it’s also helpful in processing complex or challenging feelings and situations - even if we don’t end up expressing it to anyone. It’s a way to think about how we’re feeling, what we need, and how to express ourselves effectively to get what we need. Just going through the process can be enlightening as it’s a useful reflection tool and helps us deepen understanding of and compassion for ourselves.

Other resources from the CNVC:

Feelings Inventory

Needs Inventory

A useful frame when teaching this to students is:

When I [see, hear, think about] _________________________,

I feel ____________________ because I need ____________________.

Would you be willing to ____________________________?

*This is to be used as a way to organize or frame thinking and language, it is not a fill-in-the-blank. The spaces can be used for words, sentences, or paragraphs, and the frame can even be taught to young children.