Unlocking Faith, Hope, and Love: The Power of Self-Examination

Many miracles and phenomenal events in the history of the Roman Catholic Church remain unexplained. Most of these were criticized for having without any scientific basis primarily intended to create a story to draw the attention of the believers and even the non-believers.

One of these reported miracles is the 1948 apparition of Mary to a Carmelite postulant in Lipa, Batangas. This event led to fervent veneration by devotees and followers at the site of the reported appearance which, until today, remains a place of worship among the believers.

When the apparition was referred to the Vatican, it took the Roman Catholic Church authorities more than 70 years to release a report debunking it. In its decree in 1951, the Church declared that the appearance of Mary in Lipa was not supernatural, creating polarizing opinions among the lay faithful.

In another barangay in Lipa, it was also reported that an image of Mary Mediatrix of All Grace has been secreting oil with a floral scent. When asked if the same was referred to an expert for study and scrutiny, the priest replied that he has yet to seek guidance. This unprecedented report enticed the attention of the people in the barangay.

For non-Catholics and atheists, hearing unusual news about reported miracles is cause for some to raise their eyebrows and disbelief. Others who disagree with the reported appearances either mock the believers or laugh at them for believing in ridiculous yet mind-shocking reported miracles.

Faith is a gift we discover within ourselves via self-examination or miraculous encounters with God and His instruments. It should not be imposed or forced by anyone because having a relationship with a Higher Being should be deliberate and voluntary. By faith, one believes in things and events that reason and science can hardly explain.

Permit me to share my personal encounters and experiences with God.

I grew up in a family of devoted Catholic believers and followers. During kindergarten, I remember our maternal grandmother religiously pausing to hear the 3 o’clock prayer and leading the novena every 6:00 PM. My mom taught me how to pray and recite the rosary at a young age. Even now, despite my busy schedule, I find time to talk to God through praise and worship.

One may easily observe that familial and community influences could hone my faith. I enjoyed participating in religious activities without ascertaining their significance and veracity.  Although my family never imposed fear upon me, I readily submitted myself to such because I thought it was the proper thing to do.

When I started my primary education, I began questioning my blind obedience to religious practices. I refused to hear the mass every Sunday because I did not find any logic in listening to a priest who was as equally sinful as me and in seeing the faithful worshipping graven stone or wooden images.

Despite keeping a distance, my mom never forced me to go back to the fold of faith. She let me decide on my own. I never heard her scolding me for being unfaithful and disobedient. Even if I attended the confirmation as required during my elementary years, it was merely for compliance with school requirements.

When I reached high school, my faith and belief in a Higher Being completely faded away. The young boy in me, who was previously active in church activities, found myself questioning God’s existence and the people’s faith in the Catholic Church as a community of believers. It was during this time that I became totally free but miserably empty.

I questioned how the breaking of the bread and the drinking of a cup of wine could be likened to Jesus’ crucifixion on the cross at Mt. Calvary. I scathingly attacked the Catholic’s veneration of images and devotion to saints for being contrary to the teachings of God.

I lambasted the church authorities for being preachers of the good news and, at the same time, living hypocrites for condoning the scandals and controversies involving the clergy. I castigated various doctrines and beliefs that I found to be wanting on any reasonable basis.

I became skeptical about why Jesus Christ was and is regarded as the Son of God when He was not able to save Himself from the cross. I doubted the authenticity of a Higher Being who permitted His son to die powerlessly when He could have protected Jesus from physical hurt.

I turned back on God’s promise of protection and refuge from salvation when He was not able to prevent wars, famines, and disasters that brought about untold sorrow for humanity. I disbelieved in the inconsistencies of the accounts of the Bible and rebuked the Catholic Church for being insincere.

To borrow the words of a free thinker, “If God is all good (all benevolent) then God has the desire to end suffering, and if God is all-powerful (omnipotent) then God can end suffering. Therefore, if God does not end suffering, then God is either not all good, or is not all-powerful, and is therefore not God.”

To put it simply, “If God is really all-powerful, all-knowing, and truly loving, then why does evil exist?” If God is truly a God, why did He allow my mom to die helplessly when our family has not yet settled in? These questions, among others, encapsulated the straw that broke the camel’s back. In other words, I became more inquisitive and doubtful of miracles and graces.

However, a complete 360-degree reversal dawned upon me when, after graduating from high school and before entering college, an extraordinary and life-changing event happened on 13 May 2012. While I was asleep, the image of Mary, the mother of God, appeared in my dream.

It was strange that I thought and told myself after I woke up that perhaps it was my time to bid goodbye and say hello to another dimension of the world. I came to this conclusion because several times I had trouble waking up in the middle of my sleep because of “bangungot” or nightmare.

After fixing my bed, my mom told me to turn on the television in our living room because she would hear the televised mass as it was a Sunday. I obliged and went straight to our sala. While I was heading towards it, there was nothing unusual because, for me, it was just an ordinary day.

To my surprise, when I reached our sala and right after I turned on the television, the image of Mary that appeared in my dream was the same one on the TV screen. As the mass was about to start, it was flashed on the screen that the Holy Eucharist was intended for the feast of Our Lady of Fatima. The unusual Sunday gave me unexplainable goosebumps. I could not help but shake my head in disbelief.

Inspired with awe and astonishment, I found myself hearing the televised mass until the recessional song and final blessing concluded. Many disquieting thoughts came to my mind. Many questions popped out of my head. I opted to keep them to myself because I thought no one would believe in me.

Later that day, I tried to find the meaning of Mary’s appearance in my dream. I secluded myself from my family and friends. I deactivated my social media accounts and turned off my phone. I spent the whole day alone in the streets of Davao City looking for answers to my questions. Until, eventually, my feet brought me to the seat of faith in the city, San Pedro Cathedral.

Inside the church, I knelt and prayed as if I never prayed all my life. I heard the mass again and listened attentively to the priest’s homily. I reflected upon the Biblical readings and tried to figure out the answers to my questions. At that time, I was ashamed of myself, but I never allowed the shame to scare me away.

Even if the heavy questions remain unanswered to this day, I was relieved and consoled by God’s mystery. Through Mary, God invited me to go back to faith without duress or coercion. I was lost, but He welcomed me with open arms anew. He taught me to trust in faith and rest in God’s mercy and compassion again.

After the extraordinary encounter with God, it has become my advocacy, aside from promoting education and responsible parenthood, to promote religious freedom. Since then, I have been preaching God’s faithfulness whenever I have the time to talk to my friends and even strangers. I encouraged them to see the goodness of God in other people and discover faith by themselves through their daily encounters with the Lord.

My total conversion yielded positive results for my faith life and personal undertakings. I noticed and experienced God’s salvific actions during the daily grind and through my advocacies. With faith and perseverance, I managed to excel in my academic endeavors. With faith and fortitude, I managed to deal with rejections that tested my resolve to move forward. With faith and God’s mercy, I was born again and given another chance to live more meaningfully and purposefully.

One miracle that struck me most was when I took quizzes and examinations unprepared. All that I brought inside the testing room was my faith that God would not forsake or abandon me. When the results came out, I was shocked to learn that I got highly satisfactory ratings. When I was struggling to look for a job after college, God opened many doors for me that I did not expect at all. Indeed, God alone suffices.

Despite the conversion from being a non-believer to being a faithful servant of God, I acknowledge that I am far from being worthy and deserving of God’s salvation. I remain a sinner and a sinful human being. I break promises I committed to do for the Lord. I lie to myself and the people around me. I may not be the agnostic that I once was, but I am still the same person who tries my best to live up to God’s teachings.

As I discern and decide to enter religious life, I must hurdle a lot of earthly challenges and personal commitments. Offering myself to God requires me to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ready. I have baggage to leave behind that must be unloaded before I commit myself to the Lord. Temptations continue to haunt and frighten me, impeding me from becoming the person God wants me to be.

But I lose not hope. As God has been faithful to me when I lost my faith in Him, I continue to trust His unfathomable grace and immeasurable love for me and the entire humanity. Notwithstanding my indiscretions and shortcomings, God never fails to remind me that all shall be well in His time. Our life may not be easy but with God, all challenges will get easier every time we come to Him for guidance and blessing.

As Vivian Greene said, “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning how to dance in the rain.” With life’s uncertainty, I cannot help but ask myself if I am on the right path. I must admit that there were instances in my journey when I could hardly grapple with life’s highs and lows.

I concede that the enthusiasm dried down for reasons I have yet to ascertain. I do not know if this is caused by the stress and pressure of work and studies or if I am simply redirecting myself to another path. Whether I succeed or not is something I will only know if I try. Thus, the one who falls and gets up is stronger than the one who never tried.

Mistakes may be embarrassing at times but they happen to teach us experiential lessons. Instead of living in shame, we must leave the shame behind, pick ourselves up, and face the consequences head-on. While experience is the best teacher, it is equally true that experience is a hard teacher because it gives the test first and the lesson afterward. No matter what, let go and let God because God is waiting for us at the finish line.

There is a classic joke suggesting that by eating healthily and abstaining from alcohol, you will extend your lifespan. However, the twist reveals that it only feels longer, not actually prolonging life. This joke holds a nugget of truth. It is regrettable to deny oneself life's joys like delicious food and wine. Instead, view life as an adventure where you are fully immersed and engaged, not necessarily the focal point but deeply present and involved.

Life can be challenging, often throwing unexpected hurdles that temporarily derail our goals and dreams. In such times, I have found laughter to be the best remedy, sourced from any available outlet. I seek solace in spending time with myself, reminiscing about amusing past experiences, enjoying a comedic movie or book, and most importantly, being in the company of good friends (including family, if fortunate). Additionally, there is nothing quite like indulging in a favorite dessert or treating oneself to a comforting meal to lift the spirits and set the tone for a gathering.

There is no benefit in dwelling on your troubles alone, shutting others out, and grieving in isolation. Confront your challenges head-on, facing them honestly and discussing them openly. Then, strive to move forward. Life is fleeting, and as they say, "You're a long time dead." I have discovered that it is always preferable to find joy in the company of others, especially those who can relate to your grief or have gone through similar trials.

While occasional retreats and moments of solitude are necessary, in the grand scheme, they can become cyclical as sorrowful thoughts and grief resurface. It is wiser to focus on the future, to express gratitude, and to celebrate what you have. Surround yourself with your closest friends, as Audrey Hepburn put it, "I love people who make me laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It is probably the most important thing in a person."

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who do not. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it. True happiness is not something that we can achieve in isolation. Ultimately, it is through our willingness to share ourselves with others freely that we can find the kind of deep and meaningful connections that make life worth living.

As to when will I reach the finish line, only God knows. I will keep His promise and strengthen even more my faith in Him. As the Holy Bible says, “God does promise to give you today the grace you need for today, and He promises to give you tomorrow the grace you need for tomorrow. Our mission is clear: Live for God today, and trust God for tomorrow. The only thing that is certain about tomorrow is that God will give you fresh mercy for it (Lam. 3:23).”

This promise was already told a long time ago in the Book of Jeremiah: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I shall tenaciously cling and patiently hold on to God’s promise even if it will take years before I get to where I should be and until God grants the prayers that He has willed upon me.

As we reminisce about the passion, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, may this Holy Week provide us with an opportunity to fortify and renew our trust in Him. We may not have the same situation and I am not aware of your struggles at work, in school, and in your personal life, may you keep your faith in God. May you have a blessed and meaningful Holy Week.