Week 2 Podcast

Repentance

"By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them." D&C 58:43

Last week we practiced honesty to help you fully confess to your bishop and those whom you've wronged. As difficult as that was this week we'll discuss an even harder task —forsaking sin.

Does forsaking sin mean never doing it again? And if you do it again does it wipe out all the progress you've made and void your repentance? How can you ever be worthy if you keep making the same mistake over and over again?

These are poignant questions that you might be wrestling with right now. The answers are rooted in a fundamental understanding of what repentance is, how it feels, and how it changes us. Consider how President Nelson describes his experience with repentance.

"Repentance means that every day you try a little harder and do a little more to become like the Lord Jesus Christ. And so I'm still repenting.

How do you like that? Every day I'm trying to learn more and be more like the Lord would have me be. That's not a punishment. That's a joyous opportunity!

Just think every day, I get up, bounce out of the bed in the morning and say, "Oh, something wonderful is going to happen today. I'm going to be more like Jesus!

Repentance is a Blessing, President Russell M. Nelson

The Joy of Repentance

Can you feel the joy that repentance brings President Nelson? He teaches "When we choose to repent, we choose to change! We allow the Savior to transform us into the best version of ourselves. We choose to grow spiritually and receive joy—the joy of redemption in Him. When we choose to repent, we choose to become more like Jesus Christ!"

"The word for repentance in the Greek New Testament is metanoeo. The prefix meta- means “change.” The suffix -noeo is related to Greek words that mean “mind,” “knowledge,” “spirit,” and “breath.” Thus, when Jesus asks you and me to “repent,” He is inviting us to change our mind, our knowledge, our spirit—even the way we breathe. He is asking us to change the way we love, think, serve, spend our time, treat our wives, teach our children, and even care for our bodies" (We Can Do Better and Be Better, Nelson).

Changing our mind, knowledge, spirit, and breath is a big job. You might feel frustrated you are not progressing as fast as you want, but consider the time and effort it takes to learn a language, a musical instrument, or a sport. Would a night of studying make you fluent in a language? Would an exceptional practice session give you a lifetime of flawless performance? —Of course not! Then why do we think that in one round of repentance, we can "putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint?" (Mosiah 3:19).

God knew that we would sin when he sent us here that is why he provided a Savior for us. Repentance is the process by which we access Christ's atonement and become perfect in Him. Engaging in that process is how we become worthy. Bradley R. Wilcox teaches that "Some mistakenly receive the message that they are not worthy to participate fully in the gospel because they are not completely free of bad habits. God’s message is that worthiness is not flawlessness. Worthiness is being honest and trying. We must be honest with God, priesthood leaders, and others who love us, and we must strive to keep God’s commandments and never give up just because we slip up" (Worthiness Is Not Flawlessness, Wilcox). President Nelson states "Worthiness does not require perfection, but it requires that we strive for increased purity. The Lord expects daily effort, daily improvement, daily repentance" (Grow into the Principle of Revelation, Nelson, 2021).

Repentance is About Becoming -Not Just Forgiveness

Many people mistakenly believe that we only repent to be forgiven of our sins, but God would not forgive us and then be content to leave us as we are! No, as President Nelson testifies He wants us to change, or as Paul said "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" 2 Corinthians 5:17). President Uchdorf teaches that:

"The grace of God does not merely restore us to our previous innocent state. If salvation means only erasing our mistakes and sins, then salvation—as wonderful as it is—does not fulfill the Father’s aspirations for us. His aim is much higher: He wants His sons and daughters to become like Him" (The Gift of Grace, Uchtdorf, 2015).

From this perspective, forgiveness might be viewed as a byproduct of repentance, and the real benefit becoming more like Jesus Christ. Consider the following and ponder how viewing repentance as solely a means of forgiveness can limit and tarnish our understanding of repentance.

Repentance for Forgiveness vs. Becoming

Forgiveness Only

Only used when needed
Punishment for sin
It takes a certain amount of time
Focuses on stopping a behavior
Shameful, something to hide

Forgiveness as part of Becoming

Used daily to become like Christ
Opportunity to learn and grow
Continual process of renewal
Focuses on improving behavior
Joyful, something to share!

Weakness vs. Rebellion

"The joyful news for anyone who desires to be rid of the consequences of past poor choices is that the Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion. Whereas the Lord warns that unrepented rebellion will bring punishment, when the Lord speaks of weaknesses, it is always with mercy" (Personal Strength through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, Scott).

This means that God is not angry with you when you fail as long as you are sincerely trying to improve. In fact, —it's the exact opposite God rejoices when you repent! He loves your effort! He rejoices in your progress no matter how small! That is why He declared that "as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me" (Mosiah 26:30).

📒 Journal

How have you misunderstood repentance?

When have you experienced weakness versus rebellion?

Increasingly Pure

How can you know if your effort to repent is working? Is it just an endless cycle of trying? How do your weaknesses become strengths if they don't go away? (Ester 12:27).

President Nelson explains "The Lord does not expect perfection from us at this point in our eternal progression. But He does expect us to become increasingly pure" (We Can Do Better and Be Better, Nelson). So how can you tell if you are becoming increasingly pure? One way is to evaluate your progress over time. For example, if last week, you improved your discipleship and reduced the number of times you viewed pornography then you are becoming increasingly pure. If one week isn't enough time to detect a trend try looking at a longer period of time.

Elder Gilbert teaches the importance of evaluating the slope of your progress in his October 2021 conference talk. He says "It starts with the formula for a line. The intercept, for our purposes, is the beginning of our line. The intercept can have either a high or a low starting point. The slope of the line can then be positively or negatively inclined" (Becoming More in Christ: The Parable of the Slope, Gilbert).

You may feel that your intercept is unfair because you were exposed to pornography when you were young. Or that certain challenges or personality traits make it unfair, but your slope is more important than your starting point. Don't compare with others, Christ's atonement is individual and personal.

Evaluate your progress often to identify ways to improve. Don't get hung up on a specific setback or disappointment —that is only one point on your line! If you look at pornography today don't give up. Instead, get as many positive points on your graph as you can to maintain a positive slope. Remember you only need 1% more good than bad to have a positive slope!

Look at the following diagrams. The dots represent your daily decisions —good or bad. The line is the slope of your aggregate decisions over time. Which one best describes your current situation?

Negative Slope

Open rebellion, loss of control or hope.
Get help now!

Neutral Slope

Lack of progress or motivation
Re-evaluate —what you are doing isn't working.

Positive Slope

Making progress! Look for ways to increase your momentum.

"I've Let Heavenly Father Down"

Your slope doesn't stay the same. You might have periods of brilliant growth, followed by stagnation or even loss. These cycles are natural but as you consistently try to improve they moderate and you find joy in iteratively becoming more like Jesus Christ each day. Consider the following story shared by Bradley Wilcox:

Recently a missionary was injured during a preparation-day sports activity and was sent home to recover. He had high goals for getting the physical help he needed and then returning to his mission. However, too much unstructured time alone soon led to a relapse of old habits.

He indulged in sin that he thought he had repented of and left behind him before his mission. He was discouraged and upset about his lack of self-control. The more depressed he became, the more he sought escape in those bad habits. It was a downward cycle that was getting him nowhere fast.

“I feel like I’ve let Heavenly Father down,” the young man told his priesthood leader. “I repented of this before, and God forgave me. I promised never to do it again, and yet here I am as if I had never repented in the first place. I don’t deserve God’s forgiveness or help. Not now. Not ever.”

His priesthood leader said, “Then aren’t you glad to know grace is a gift? You don’t have to earn or deserve it. You simply need to choose to receive it by being willing to keep trying and not give up.” The leader then shared these words of Elder Neil L. Andersen of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “We may slip back at times, but let us quickly and humbly return to our knees and move again in the right direction.”

Once more, the young man turned toward heaven, and the Savior was there to help. Not only did the young man’s injury heal, but so did his heart. One small goal at a time, and with the grace made possible by Jesus Christ, he began to improve. Soon he returned to his mission full of gratitude, self-worth, a sense of meaning, satisfaction with life, and optimism. That is the difference Christ’s grace can make.

Decisive Moments

Creating an upward slope is best done through small efforts and decisions at critical moments that will set the tone for many hours —sometimes days. James Clear calls these pivot points decisive moments. A decisive moment might be getting up early to go for a run versus rolling over in bed or studying your scriptures versus starting another level of your game, or ordering a salad versus a hamburger. Each of these decisive moments creates branches that shape our day. James Clear illustrates these branches in a decision tree as shown below (CLEAR, J. (2018). Atomic habits. Avery).

Keystone Habits

Looking at the decision tree above it's tempting to think "Okay, all I need to do is make the right choices at each junction and I'll be fine." The problem is that you've automated most of those decisions by creating habits —when to get up, brush your teeth, eat, etc. These small automatic habits govern most of our behaviors and thoughts. Too often we disregard these small habits when we try to change and instead set unrealistic goals like "I will run a marathon in two months," or "I will lose 18 pounds by cutting all carbohydrates from my diet," or "I will never look at pornography again." If you've tried to achieve these types of goals you know how hard they are to maintain, they almost always fail and usually only produce temporary gains. More importantly, they overlook the real reason for the goal —not to run a marathon but to be a runner, not to lose weight but be healthy, not to stop looking at pornography but to be a chaste person. We don't repent to wipe away our sins we repent to become more like Jesus Christ!

Instead of setting these all-or-nothing goals, we can instead establish what Charles Duhigg calls "keystone habits." A keystone habit is something small that creates a cascade of change (DUHIGG, C. (2014). The Power of Habit. Random House). For example, instead of setting a goal to run 8 miles a day, Duhigg would have you create a habit of setting your running shoes next to your bed each night so that when you wake up you are already primed to run. The idea is to reduce the task down to its smallest part which is most likely to create a cascade of good choices at each of your decision points. Examples of gospel keystone habits would include, starting your day with prayer, daily scriptures study, and repentance. These keystone habits set the tone for your day and make it more likely your decision tree ends on a good day.

The Two-Minute Rule

To establish effective keystone habits you can use James Clear's two-minute rule which is "When you start a new habit, it should take less than two minutes to do" (CLEAR, J. (2018). Atomic habits. Avery). The idea is to make it easy! Clear teaches that almost any goal can be scaled down to a two-minute version

"Read before bed each night" becomes "Read one page."
"Do thirty minutes of yoga" becomes "Take out my yoga mat."
"Study for class" becomes "Open my notes."
"Fold the laundry" becomes "Fold one pair of socks."
"Run three miles" becomes "Tie my running shoes."

It might seem impossible that these small habits would make a difference, but they do! Remember Alma said, "that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6). These small habits will sustain the change you want because each time you do them you gain momentum and cast a vote for the person you want to be.

Power-Ups

When you are down or battling temptation remember that Jesus Christ has already conquered Satan on your behalf, so don't let your weakness get you down! If you trust in Christ and sincerely repent the battle is already won. Jesus Christ said, "My grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness" (Ether 12:26). When you feel down, weak, or tempted to look at pornography try using some of these tired and true "Power-Ups."

Pray: God has commanded that we "Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that you may conquer Satan, and that you may escape the hands of the servants of Satan that do uphold his work" (D&C 10:5). Never give into the feeling that you are not worthy to pray —that idea comes from Satan. At least every morning and every night, you should find a place free from distractions kneel in humility, and commune with your Heavenly Father. You should make an extra effort at times to pray vocally. If you are not earnestly seeking a relationship with God through daily prayer and pleading for His help you are denying his power and your relationship as his child.
Music: "We get nearer to the Lord through music than perhaps through any other thing except prayer" (President J. Reuben Clark). If you find yourself battling temptation drown it out with uplifting music. You will find a persistent closeness to God if you adjust your playlist to his frequency.
Lay hold on the word of God: Daily gospel study is an essential keystone habit. If done regularly it will shape your thoughts and increase your resistance to temptation. Memorize scriptures that remind you of your divine identity and God's love for you.
Flee: Joseph had it right when he fled from Potiphar’s wife —The most common habit triggers are time and location. If you are being tempted flee!
Get help: Your pornography use thrives when you are alone so find ways to be with others. Reach out to your accountability partner when you are struggling.
Exercise: Physical health increases spiritual health! A regular exercise routine will help you resist temptation. Even small amounts of activity like taking a walk or running in place can offset temptations.
Immediate Repentance: Waiting to repent creates distance between you and God. Drop to your knees immediately when you sin. Even if you can do no more than cry before him let that humility bring you back to Christ.
Serve: Serving is a powerful way to break free from your problems and feel God's love. Find small simple ways you can serve like sending an uplifting text to a friend. You'll be surprised how fast serving others thwarts temptation.

A good power-up should be able to be done on command whenever you are feeling tempted. If you use them regularly you will form a habit of turning to the Lord when you are tempted instead of self-gratification.

Forsaking Sin

Let's return to our original question. What does it mean to forsake sin? It means that you are becoming increasingly pure. It means that you are putting off (forsaking) the natural man and becoming a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord. It means you are yielding to the enticing of the Holy Spirit more than you are yielding to sin. It means that you are becoming perfect in Christ, not on your own, not by never making a mistake again, but by becoming "as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father" (Mosiah 3:19).

Ultimately it means you keep the first great commandment to "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind" (Matthew 22:37) to the point that you are willing to give away all our sins to know Him (Alma 22:18).

📒 Journal

How can you continually forsake sin?

How can you remain sincere even when you continue to struggle?

Lesson 2 Skill: Increase the Slope of Your Line

In computer programming, we use loops to repeat a process that iterates until a certain condition is met. If we expressed the Gospel of Jesus Christ in computer code it might look something like this if my name was John:

while John != perfect:

John = (exercise faith in Jesus Christ,
repent,
baptized,
gift of the Holy Ghost,
endure to the end)

This code says that while John is not perfect repeat the following steps: repent, be baptized, receive the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end. Baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost are singular events, but when we worthily partake of the sacrament it renews our covenants and restores their blessings. Enduring does not mean we "white knuckle" or "hang in there" waiting for the end to come. It means joyfully living the Gospel every day and iteratively improving the slope of our line. Elder Renlund said “enduring to the end” is not really a separate step in the doctrine of Christ—as though we complete the first four elements and then hunker down, grit our teeth, and wait to die. No, enduring to the end is repeatedly and iteratively applying the other elements of the doctrine of Christ,"(The Powerful, Virtuous Cycle of the Doctrine of Christ, Renlund, 2024)

Take Action!

Daily repentance: Discover the joy of daily repentance by changing your mind, your knowledge, your spirit—even the way you breathe. Do not isolate your repentance to pornography —let it expand to every aspect of your life! (repentance for forgiveness vs. becoming like Christ)"
Vote for who you want to be: Increase the slope of your line by getting more positive "votes." Each time you do something good you cast a vote for who you want to be regardless of how good or pathetic your performance is.
Power Up! Practice using Power-Ups when you are tempted. Don't let the world curate your music, videos, games, and media —be a Creator!
Report to your Bishop and accountability partner what the slope of your line is and how you intend to increase it.

Skill Development

Keystone Habits: Choose the habit you think is the most important to establish right now. Then break it down to the smallest action that will most likely cascade to other positive actions. Use the two-minute rule to break down your goal as shown in the table below. Do not move to the next level until you are consistently achieving your current phase.

Why it works: Repetition is more important than performance when establishing a habit. The more you repeat an action the more automatic it becomes, you can work on optimizing performance once you've established a habit.

Small habits also focus on who you are trying to become rather than the end goal. For example, "If you show up at the gym five days in a row—even if it's just for two minutes —you are casting votes for your new identity. You're not worried about getting in shape. You're focused on becoming the type of person who doesn't miss workouts. You're taking the smallest action that confirms the type of person you want to be" (CLEAR, J. (2018). Atomic habits. Avery).

📒 Plan

In the plan section of your journal record the following

Estimate the slope of your line over a week, month, and year. Is your discipleship decreasing, stagnating, or improving?
Write your plan to practice daily repentance. Include your keystone habit plan and what Power-Ups you'll use

Dig Deep

Prove you're serious about changing by studying the following resources this week:

We Can Do Better and Be Better, by President Russell M. Nelson.
Worthiness Is Not Flawlessness, by Bradley R. Wilcox

Temple Recommend Questions

Do you have a testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and of His role as your Savior and Redeemer?
Are there serious sins in your life that need to be resolved with priesthood authorities as part of your repentance?

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