Week 1 Podcast

Honesty & Accountability

As we begin this experience we need to get real about who you are, and how you see yourself, because "the way you think about who you really are affects almost every decision you will ever make" (President Nelson) —including the decision to stop or continue using pornography.

In this experience, we ask you to reaffirm your testimony that you are a child of God while acknowledging to yourself and others in the group that you have a problem with pornography.

We realize that opening up to others about your pornography use is scary. It takes courage, a broken heart, and a contrite spirit, but that is exactly what the Savior has asked you to offer Him!

Having a broken heart and a contrite spirit will help you bring your whole self to this experience. The part of you that is nervous to let others see you struggle. The part of you that feels like you have to be perfect, the part of you that is justifying your sins, the part that wants to give up, and the part that continues on.

We want all of you —the beautifully imperfect you! We want you to bring your whole self to this experience because that is what it takes to fully activate Christ's atonement in your life.

Jesus Christ has offered His whole soul as an offering for you and in return he has asked you to "offer your whole souls as an offering unto him" (Omni1:26). He wants all of you. He sees all of you and loves you completely.

If you hold part of yourself back that part will remain out of the reach of Christ's atonement and will limit your relationship with Him.

"The way you think about who you really are affects almost every decision you will ever make."

-Choices for Eternity President Russell M. Nelson

What are you holding back?

We hold back all the time. We don't try new things because we are scared to fail. We cover up our imperfections, sins, and insecurities because we are worried about what others will think.

Sometimes holding back simply keeps us from fully enjoying life or having meaningful connections with others, but when we cover up who we are, or our sins it stops our growth.

Read the list below are you hiding any of these —maybe even from yourself?

Anxiety, depression, or mental health issues
Addictions
Beliefs or desires
Past mistakes or sins
Pornography
Sexual orientation or same-sex attraction
Questions, doubts, or fears

📒 Journal

Throughout the experience, you'll see the journal 📒 icon. It's a reminder to stop and open your journal to record your impressions. President Nelson says "Write the thoughts that come to your mind. Record your feelings and follow through with actions that you are prompted to take. As you repeat this process day after day, month after month, year after year, you will “grow into the principle of revelation” (Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives, Nelson, 2018).

If you already keep a journal –hooray! If you don't, keep it simple –open a note on your phone or just grab a notebook and a writing stick. Consider this your first test of how serious you are about overcoming pornography!

Create a list of the things you are hiding or afraid to admit.
How has hiding these things halted your progression?
How would it feel to share this burden with someone?

Honesty

Being honest will help us successfully progress on our journey to change. We can begin by reviewing our lives and our progress. Our efforts will be more effective as we also understand the potential consequences of our actions—both the positive and the negative. Embracing truth about our lives allows us to accept information and insights that can inspire our efforts to change.

Victim or Creator?

Seven weeks may not be enough time to rid your life of pornography, but it is enough time to give you a new outlook, skills, and momentum.

Before we can do that however we need to make sure you start this with the right mindset. If you are looking for a quick fix or a hero who will take all of this away you are going to be disappointed. That is the mindset of a victim, someone who is not in control of their life and waits for someone or something to save them.

You are responsible for your life. We are here to coach, guide, and give you tools to help you succeed, but this is your journey —own it!

As you look at these two diagrams be honest about times you've played the role of victim rather than taking responsibility for creating the change you are seeking (see lesson 4 Agency and Responsibility).

📒 Journal

How does feeling like a victim of pornography prevent you from overcoming it?
What can you do to become a creator of change?

Lesson 1 Skill: Honesty & Accountability

Each week you will build elements of your plan to be perfect in Christ. You will also develop skills to help you overcome pornography. Remember you get out what you put in so be all in!

The first skill is being honest about your pornography use. The good news is that by being part of this group you've already taken a big step forward —congratulations! You've probably wrestled with your desire to be honest about your pornography use and your desire to hide or minimize it. Maybe you've talked to your bishop but haven't been completely honest with him.

It's normal to be embarrassed and want to hide but, "when we undertake to cover our sins...the heavens withdraw themselves; [and] the Spirit of the Lord is grieved" (D&C 121:37). On the other hand, honesty brings peace and simplifies our lives. We feel lighter and happier! Our determination to improve increases and we are willing to get the help we need —like friends who will support you and hold you accountable!

Take Action!

Evaluate your pornography use with President Oaks' four levels of pornography use. Be careful not to miscategorize addiction, you may want to read President Oaks' full address on classifying pornography use if you think you are addicted.
Report your level to your bishop: Be completely honest with him about your involvement with pornography
Connect and build relationships: Find someone that you trust and tell them about your pornography use. Ask them to be your accountability partner. Your accountability partner does not need to know the details of your pornography use. They just need enough information to understand your situation and your sincere desire to change. Find someone who loves you and will hold you accountable.
1. Share what you are working on each week with them
2. Immediately tell them whenever you view pornography —even if it's 2:00 am! This will help you keep a record of when and where you use pornography.

Skill Development

Call it what it is! People often use terms like "set back" or "slip up" when they view pornography. While those terms can make it easier to talk about they also desensitize it. Whenever you see pornography point to it and say out loud "That's pornography!"

Why it works: The "Pointing-and-Calling" method is a proven way to make unconscious habits visible. Japan's railway operators use "point and say" to call out green signals, speed, timetables, etc. This habit has made them one of the most well-regarded, well-run railways in the world. The act of looking, pointing, and saying increases self-awareness by engaging more senses. In New York when the MTA adopted the point-only system it reduced errors by 85% and cut accidents by 30% (CLEAR, J. (2018). Atomic habits. Avery).

Your pornography habit has automated behaviors that lead to acting out —meaning that you are unconsciously preparing yourself to view pornography. Calling out pornography in all its forms increases your self-awareness, which enables you to begin to change.

📒 Plan

Create a "plan" section of your journal and record the following

What level is your pornography use?
1. Why did you classify yourself that way?
Who is your Accountability Partner
1. Why did you choose him/her?
2. How did it feel to share your burdens with someone else?

Dig Deep

Prove you're serious about changing by studying the following resources this week:

Choices for Eternity, by President Russell M. Nelson.
Help for Me, Principle 2: Be Humble, Be Honest, and Seek Truth

Temple Recommend Questions

Do you strive to be honest in all that you do?

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