Week 4 Podcast

Agency and Responsibility

In the first week, we introduced the concept of being a creator of change rather than a victim of circumstance. This week we'll dig deeper into this topic and discover how responsibility increases your agency.

Creators inherently take responsibility for their decisions and the consequences that follow. They don't blame others or make excuses for their situation. Creators are "agents unto themselves" (D&C 58:28) and firmly believe in Samuel's admonition: "And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; and whosoever doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free" —Helaman 14:30, emphasis added.

100% Responsible

In his talk "Be 100 Percent Responsible" Elder Lynn G. Robbins teaches that many gospel principles come in pairs, like:

Agency and Responsibility
Faith and Works
Mercy and Justice

When principles come in pairs they complement each other and make it impossible to change one without affecting the other —when you pick up a stick you pick up both ends. For example, when you assign responsibility to someone or something by blaming, rationalizing, making excuses, etc. you also assign your agency to them.

Let's look at the diagram from Week 1 again. Notice how the victim is at the bottom of the triangle. They cannot change their circumstance because by blaming their persecutor they have assigned responsibility for their situation to them and are waiting for a hero to save them which in turn reinforces the victim cycle.

The victim mentality devastates faith and works because it assigns the work part of faith to someone else making it impossible to exercise faith. This is why taking responsibility for your desires, thoughts, and actions is vital to your growth and why you must always protect your agency.

Satan understands how important agency is that is why he constantly seeks to undermine it. Elder Robbins demonstrates the following two ways from the Book of Mormon that Satan seeks to undermine agency.

The Korihor Principle—Separating Agency from Responsibility

One of Satan’s most crafty strategies to gain control of our agency isn’t a frontal attack on our agency but a sneaky backdoor assault on responsibility. Without responsibility, every good gift from God could be misused for evil purposes. For example, freedom of speech without responsibility can be used to create and protect pornography. The rights of a woman can be twisted to justify an unnecessary abortion. When the world separates choice from accountability, it leads to anarchy and a war of wills or survival of the fittest. We could call agency without responsibility the Korihor principle, as we read in the book of Alma “that every man conquered according to his strength; and whatsoever a man did was no crime” (Alma 30:17; emphasis added). With negative consequences removed, you now have agency unbridled, as if there were no day of reckoning.

The Nehor Principle—Denying Justice

If Satan is not successful in fully separating agency from responsibility, one of his backup schemes is to dull or minimize feelings of responsibility—what we could call the Nehor principle, also found in the book of Alma: “That all mankind should be saved at the last day, and that they need not fear nor tremble . . . ; for the Lord had created all men, and had also redeemed all men; and, in the end, all men should have eternal life” (Alma 1:4).

What an attractive offer for those who seek happiness in wickedness! The Nehor principle depends entirely on mercy and denies justice. Denying justice is a twin of avoiding responsibility. They are essentially the same thing. A common strategy of each Book of Mormon anti-Christ was to separate agency from responsibility. “Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin” (2 Nephi 28:8).

Responsibility

We started this experience with an invitation to be honest about your pornography use. We challenged you in the first skill to call out pornography for what it is by not minimizing it with cover phrases like "slip up" or "set back." We asked you to identify pornography by pointing to it and saying out loud "That's pornography!" whenever you see it. Later we asked you to rewire your sexual desires back to their divine purpose by saying out loud "These feelings are helping me be like God," every time you feel sexual desire. These skills are designed to create awareness and help you take responsibility for your situation so that your agency increases.

The natural man wants to hide from embarrassment, shame, and guilt. Satan uses those feelings to get you to believe the teachings of Korihor and Nehor to lull you further down the path of addiction —which is the loss of agency.

The Anti-Responsibility List

See if you are giving away your agency by checking yourself against Elder Robins's Anti-Responsibility List:

Blaming others: Saul disobediently took of the spoils of war from the Amalekites; then, when confronted by Samuel, he blamed the people (see 1 Samuel 15:21).
Rationalizing or justifying: Saul then rationalized or justified his disobedience, stating that the saved livestock was for “sacrifice unto the Lord” (1 Samuel 15:21; see also verse 22).
Making excuses: Excuses come in a thousand varieties, such as this one from Laman and Lemuel: “How is it possible that the Lord will deliver Laban into our hands? Behold, he is a mighty man, and he can command fifty, yea, even he can slay fifty; then why not us?” (1 Nephi 3:31).
Minimalizing or trivializing sin: This is exactly what Nehor advocated (see Alma 1:3–4).
Hiding: This is a common avoidance technique. It is a tactic Satan used with Adam and Eve after they partook of the forbidden fruit (see Moses 4:14).
Covering up: Closely associated with hiding is covering up, which David attempted to do to conceal his affair with Bathsheba (see 2 Samuel 12:9, 12).
Fleeing from responsibility: This is something Jonah tried to do (see Jonah 1:3).
Abandoning responsibility: Similar to fleeing is abandoning responsibility. One example is when Corianton forsook his ministry in pursuit of the harlot Isabel (see Alma 39:3).
Denying or lying: “And Saul said . . . : I have performed the commandment of the Lord. And Samuel said, What meaneth then this bleating of the sheep in mine ears . . . ?” (1 Samuel 15:13–14).
Rebelling: Samuel then rebuked Saul “for rebellion.” “Because thou hast rejected the word of the Lord, he hath also rejected thee from being king” (1 Samuel 15:23).
Complaining and murmuring: One who rebels also complains and murmurs: “And all the children of Israel murmured against Moses and . . . said . . . , Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt!” (Numbers 14:2).
Finding fault and getting angry: These two are closely associated, as described by Nephi: “And it came to pass that Laman was angry with me, and also with my father; and also was Lemuel” (1 Nephi 3:28).
Making demands and entitlements: “We will not that our younger brother shall be a ruler over us. And it came to pass that Laman and Lemuel did take me and bind me with cords, and they did treat me with much harshness” (1 Nephi 18:10–11).
Doubting, losing hope, giving up, and quitting: “Our brother is a fool. . . . For they did not believe that I could build a ship” (1 Nephi 17:17–18).
Indulging in self-pity and a victim mentality: “Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy” (1 Nephi 17:21).
Being indecisive or being in a spiritual stupor: The irony with indecision is that if you don’t make a decision in time, time will make a decision for you.
Procrastinating: A twin of indecision is procrastination. “But behold, your days of probation are past; ye have procrastinated the day of your salvation until it is everlastingly too late” (Helaman 13:38).
Allowing fear to rule: This one is also related to hiding: “And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth. . . . His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant” (Matthew 25:25–26).
Enabling: An example of enabling or helping others to avoid responsibility is the instance when Eli failed to discipline his sons for their grievous sins and was rebuked by the Lord: “Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and . . . honourest thy sons above me . . . ? (1 Samuel 2:29; see also verses 22–36).

📒 Journal

How do you most commonly give away your agency?

How has pornography affected your agency?

Be a Creator

The opposite of the victim mentality is the creator mentality. Creators are in control of their lives because they hold themselves accountable —even for things that are not their fault! They do not let their circumstances dictate their future. Let's look at the second diagram from Week 1.

Notice that the creator is at the top of the triangle in a position of power. Instead of persecutors, the creator sees obstacles that can be overcome with effort. Creators do not try to do it alone, instead, they get help and guidance from coaches who have more expertise and can provide feedback on their performance to help them improve.

Creator Toolbox

It's not easy to be a creator you have to fight against the natural man and constantly pick yourself up when you fail, but the rewards are well worth the effort. In this section, we'll explore several tools you can add to your creator toolbox

Reasons Instead of Excuses

Instead of excuses, creators find reasons why their efforts fail. Reasons are fundamentally different from excuses because they identify the causes of failure. This allows the creator to learn from their mistakes, adjust their plans, and grow. This brings tremendous power, excitement, and hope because they feel they have control over their life and can make progress toward their goals.

Regular Feedback and Coaching

Good performers get regular feedback and coaching. Think about it, from Little League to Olympic athletes, and from Chopsticks to Für Elise coaches play an integral role because they see things and know things you don't. They can objectively give you the feedback you need. A good coach should have expertise, experience, and have a solid understanding of your performance.

Support Group and Friends

As good as coaches are we still need cheerleaders and friends to encourage and support us. By fully engaging in this experience you can expand your support group. You should also carefully consider who else you might appropriately confide in and ask for their support.

Avoid Thinking Errors

Thinking errors are failures in judgment that are caused by stress. If you find yourself doing something you know is wrong or isn't logical check yourself against these thinking errors:

Victimization: You feel like you are being harmed by people who have no intention of harming you.
Pride: Your perceived status in the world is based on how you compare to others.
Entitlement: You deserve this or that because of your perceived status in the world.
Powerlessness: You can’t do this, you can’t do that, you can’t even try.
Giving Up: Because you messed up, you give up and stop trying.
Justification: You can commit this sin because it is not a big deal, or you’re being pressured into it, or you deserve a little fun, etc.
Scarcity Mentality: There is never enough (fun, food, money, opportunities, etc.).
People Pleasing: You must please or impress others to maintain your value as a person or to keep from being devalued as a person.
Minimize/Catastrophize: You distort issues, events, choices, etc. to make them smaller/bigger than they really are.
Deceit—you tell yourself something is different than the way it really is.

Identify Your Primary Emotion

If you find yourself caught in a thinking error it could be because your stress is coming from a primary emotion. Primary emotions are generally instinctive responses —something that happens automatically. Even though primary emotions naturally occur we can use our agency to choose how to respond. In the list below the negative (-) responses generally lead to thinking errors and the positive (+) ones lead to a creator mindset.

Fear
- - Worry
- + Courage
Shame
- - Embarrassment
- + Confidence
Hurt
- - Self Pity
- + Fortitude
Disappointment
- - Anger
- + Optimism
Joy
- - Complacency
- + Love

Check Your Conditions

In addition to primary emotions, your conditions also affect your response, especially when it comes to pornography. Review this list of common conditions and how you can respond as a creator.

Bored: You find what you are doing, reading, watching, listening to, etc., to be dull and uninteresting. This can happen often if you feel like you need to be constantly entertained.
- Look for ways to make what you are doing meaningful in your life.
Lonely: You feel that you have no companionship.
- Serve others without committing the People Pleasing thinking error. Be the kind of companion you would like to have.
Angry: You are responding to a negative primary emotion or stress through aggression.
- Choose a more constructive response. Your goal is to work for a solution, not to admire the problem.
Hungry: Your body is telling you that you need food. Physical hunger is a powerful force to cope with mentally.
- Take care of your body. Eat.
Stressed: You are worrying about something in your life such that your body feels tension and your mind is weighed down with concern.
- Take deep breaths. Tell yourself what you can reasonably do today and leave the rest for later. Pray for help and follow the Holy Ghost.
Tired: You need to rest or sleep. Physical exhaustion is a powerful force to cope with mentally.
- Take care of your body. Get enough sleep each night. Rest if you need to.

Creators embrace responsibility because it means they are "response-able." They can chart their course, learn from their mistakes, and grow. As we learned in Lesson 2, it's not where you start or where you are that counts —it's the slope of your line!

Implementation Intentions

Knowing how to change isn't always obvious. For example, many people want to eat healthier, be more productive, and strengthen their testimony but they don't know how or when it will happen. An implementation intention provides clarity by specifying the cue, time, and location where the action will take place. James Clear recommends completing the following sentence to create an implementation intention.

I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].

Meditation. I will meditate for one minute at 7 a.m. in my bedroom.
Studying. I will study Spanish for twenty minutes at 6 p.m. in the library.
Exercise. I will exercise for one hour at 5 p.m. in the Fitness Center.

This proven method has been used in hundreds of settings from clinical studies to increasing voter turnout.

📒 Journal

What thinking errors do you most commonly fall into? Why?

When are you usually tempted to view pornography?

How could you use an implementation intention?

Lesson 4 Skill: Own it!

Pornography is a bummer. You've probably wished a thousand times that it would just go away, but wishing won't make it so. You can't wait around for a hero to save you —you must be the creator of the change you seek!

The good news is that you can totally do this! You can change! Not all at once, or as fast as you'd like but you can with effort and through the grace of God become the person you want to be.

Take Action!

Complete the Weekly Report and share it with your coach. Every time you look at pornography complete the Evaluate & Diagnose checklist.
Choose one thing from this lesson to work on this week. It could be identifying when you go to the anti-responsibility list, evaluating your thinking errors, or tracking your primary emotions and conditions. Look for patterns that are holding you back.
Collect Data: Improved performance is aided by good data. Keep track of each time you are tempted to view pornography. Record what you were doing, thinking, and feeling (hint: refer to the skills in the Creator Toolbox). —Psst, you'll need this data later.
Report to your Bishop and accountability partner the insights you gained this week about agency and responsibility, share your progress, and ask for feedback.

Skill Development

Implementation Intentions: Create an implementation intention for something you want to improve from this lesson. You can use the time and location model or it could be event-based. Just make sure they are specific for example, if you wanted to change your reaction to a primary emotion your statement might be:

When I feel [PRIMARY EMOTION] I will [ACTIVITY] for [AMOUNT OF TIME].

Or if you are trying to start a new habit your statement might use the traditional time and location model.

I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].

📒 Plan

In the plan section of your journal record the following

Write down your implementation intention(s)
Record when you feel tempted to view pornography. Make sure to include time, place, emotions, conditions, activity

Dig Deep

Prove you're serious about changing by studying the following resources this week:

Be 100 Percent Responsible, by Elder Lynn G. Robbins
The Three Rs of Choice, by President Monson
Thinking Errors, PathwayConnect

Temple Recommend Questions

Do you follow the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ in your private and public behavior with members of your family and others?
Do you support or promote any teachings, practices, or doctrine contrary to those of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?
Do you strive to keep the Sabbath day holy, both at home and at church; attend your meetings; prepare for and worthily partake of the sacrament; and live your life in harmony with the laws and commandments of the gospel?
Do you strive to be honest in all that you do?

Back

Page updated

Google Sites

Report abuse