Rituals of the Nacirema

G - L

Soul-Sucking Light Boxes of Buttocks Jiggling Hypnosis

The Nacirema have little to no patience, and they feel the need to use magical items of hypnosis to solve their issues.

The Nacirema people are a group that settles northwest of Equatorial Guinea, and they believe that holy light boxes of hypnosis can solve all of their problems. Mainly practiced by adolescents, the rituals of the holy light box are all very different but the most common ritual involves dancing. The locals call it Clockáwakátalkáshsha, best translated to "the clock god’s creation."

I was able to observe some Nacirema adolescents practicing this ritual, and I saw that their souls were sucked into the box for hours. The noises coming out of the box made the adolescents spontaneously start to jiggle their buttocks, and move their arms and legs. If somebody creates a worthy collection of motions, the holy light box will use its powers to summon the dance into other holy light boxes all over the world, hypnotizing almost every Nacirema child with its awkward bodily movements. If one does not have a holy light box with the clock god’s creation, they are shut out by society and thought of as weird.

I convinced some Nacirema adolescents to tell me about the clock god’s creation, and here’s what they said. They said they do the ritual because they are impatient and need entertainment, and if they stopped, they would get ignored by their friends, which shows that the Nacirema and their culture really depends on the holy light boxes and the clock god’s creation. In conclusion, the Nacirema are very dependent on hallucination boxes due to a lack of patience. And I am very curious what would happen if I just removed the light boxes from their environment.

~ Abby G.

Ancient Torture Ritual

The Nacirema are located northwest of Futuna and they think that the human mind is dumb and the only way to improve their knowledge is to torture children.

People give green faces to dreadful witches to torture your child and if you do not do this then you will be taken to the dungeon of doom. If you let the witches torture you then they will make you go in itchy clothes and make you run in circles for an hour. Also they make you perform these embarrassing rituals and say embarrassing things in front of a hundred people. They make everyone wear the same thing and they are tight and if you do not give more green faces then they will keep being tight and you will be very uncomfortable forever. Additionally they make you do these long horrendous witchery things that take hours to make that are so boring. Lastly they make you walk every hour with sacks on your back that are 10 lbs.

Nacirema parents say they love you, but do they really mean that? Because they let random people just boss you around and torture you. Would someone who loves you actually do that?

The Nacirema think that the human mind is dumb and the only way to improve it is torturing children. I don't know how the Nacirema have done this for so long.

~ Wyatt J.

Tip Toe Tribe

The Nacirema tribe, west of China, believes the only way to fulfill your purpose is to put yourself through pain and escape the ways of their own civilization.

When the Nacirema practice the art of tellab, you might see them flying or perhaps using their special shoes made from tree fiber and cowhide, or you could see them running back and forth between a large area while making faces to represent emotion. When they perform this ritual it is not uncommon for them to try to be as quiet as possible, only on occasion using sacred language passed down generations. When performing this ritual you might hear a loud noise from the banging of fibers and wood from the “Sound Men”. These Sound Men usually sit in a hole in front of the ritual. After being proven worthy by people from different stages of life, they summon the elders, who wear their special clothes made for this ritual, come and stare at them, and torture their own hands to show approval.

I have been living among the Nacirema for quite some time and got the chance to interview a few of them. I’ve found that the reason they practice this ritual is that they need to fulfill their purpose in life and receive valuables, and if they don’t do this at least 3 days a week, they will be ugly and lose all friends and lovers. While doing it they also perform ancient moves taught 500 years ago.

While the Nacirema might believe they need to practice this ritual, it is truly perplexing how they can still live under the burden of their own practices.

~ Zack L.

Disturbing Colorful Orbs

The Nacirema are a group of people in the territory northwest of Alaska. One of their places that they do rituals is a temple filled with colorful orbs that children like to play in. Everytime you jump into the colorful orbs, it makes a squishy sound. As the children scream when they fall, instead of falling into the soft squishy orbs that it looks and sounds like, the orbs are made out of fiber minerals that cause them to be hard as stone. Each of the colored orbs has a scratchy outside to them. Some of the Nacirema have told me that it can be torturing when it comes to the texture of the orbs.

The Nacirema also are known to have younger children there, as well as older children. The younger ones like to not only play inside the orbs, but have to urinate and do droppings inside the temple full of orbs. It often has a fragrant smell! They believe its natural smell causes “the god of fun” to come forth to them so they can give their droppings and offerings of liquid to them. When they do this ritual, it tends to bother some people of the Nacirema because it can cause viruses that can get children ill. On the contrary, if they don’t do this routine of the colorful orbs, they may never have fun again. The god of fun will take the children's souls and curse them with boredom if they don’t do this ritual. This Nacirema are very fearful of this god, so they try their best to do this routine/activity once in a while so their kids are not cursed for the rest of their lives.

My review of the ritual of the colorful orbs temple is that they show how they can have fun in reckless, gross, disgusting, and interesting ways. It makes me wonder, how have they survived this long with constantly getting sick from the illnesses from the colorful orbs in the temple?

~ Kaylee J.

Unpaid Labor

The Nacirema believe that doing these dangerous tasks given by your guardian will let you live free and happily after but these series of tasks must be repeated to be given freedom and happiness also keeping away evil spirits from possessing your birth givers, into becoming evil monsters that will cast a spell on you.

I got the chance to visit the Nacirema and found out that the Nacirema believe that doing these special ritual tasks will protect you home from evil spirits and in return they will get happiness and freedom. These special task consist of thing such as going to the magical built in hidden room that most homes have, you must drag your special cloths there and throw it into the magical box you will pour potions once you do that you must press the magical button that will let spring your special cloths incorporating magic into them so when you put them on you appear more appealing. Along with taking a bucket and something that looks like a witches broom only it was made out of cloths that you would dip in potions and wipe all over the floors. They believe that it gets rid of sickness . One of the most important rituals they have is taking their trash and dumping it into a bin they then pull out the bin onto the street, in the early morning the magic trash man comes and rides a magical wheeled horse and takes your garbage before he could be seen he disappears.

The Naciremas have many different rituals . This has been one of the strangest things that I have encountered while being on their land.These rituals have been practiced throughout decades, I wonder how they kept on with these rituals.This rituals are believed for many different things but do these actually work or are these just superstitions?

~ Katelyn L.

Ignoring the Consequences

Every week during the fall season, the Nacirema gather to watch their tribes compete in a ritual of speed, power, and violence.

During this ritual, the tribes wear matching costumes to show which tribe they represent. The followers pledge allegiance to the tribes by dressing in matching costumes, painting their faces in matching colors, and chanting their tribe’s names and bumping each other’s heads and hands. Sometimes, followers watch the ritual in a big, loud, oval structure to sit down and support their tribe. When there is not enough room in the oval structure, followers watch from flat screens that display the ritual over distant connections.

During the ritual, the Nacirema are trying to carry a spherical object made from pig skin onto their side of a rectangular territory. They do this by running with the object, throwing the object, and tackling Nacirema from the other tribe. Whoever carries the object to their side of the territory, earns seven credits for their tribe. At the end of the ritual, whichever team has more credits is declared the victor.

The tribe members who participate in the ritual are hurt. When they perform this ritual often, they can be severely injured. But still, young Nacirema train for years to be able to participate and sacrifice their bodies just for a chance to be a part of this ritual.

The Nacirema have a ritual during the fall where they gather to watch their tribes compete for credits toward victory. Despite the risk of bodily injury, the Nacirema have been performing this ritual for a century, ignoring the consequences.

~ Wyatt L.

Stick Lifting

The Nacirema are a group of people east of Japan who practice many rituals to increase their stamina and strength. One of these rituals is when they torture their arms by forcing themselves to pick up weighted sticks for hours at a time. They go into a room filled with a bunch of other people performing the same ritual as them. They all lift weighted sticks to increase their strength and stamina. They do this because they believe the human body isn't good enough and that it has to be better. They lift this stick over and over again sometimes for hours at a time. Sometimes they even make the stick heavier by putting heavy disks on the end of the stick. They make it heavier because they need it to be painful so that they can increase their strength and stamina. Sometimes they create stamina potions. These magical potions give them the stamina to lift the weights for a longer amount of time.In conclusion the nacirema are very dedicated to performing their rituals. It makes you wonder how they've managed to do this ritual and create these potions for so long.

~ Maddox L.

What is This Oval in the Sky?

Last month I had a very special opportunity to meet with the Nacirema. They showed me how to use this magic tradition of sitting on an oval in the sky to travel for a long time to either far away places to visit other people in thor tribe or just for their own fun. Before the Nacirema go into the air they must go through a very long ritual. It is where you must take off your shoes and bags and put them onto a small magic carpet to be looked at. Then you would walk through a doorway with no walls to get into a big room where others are standing and walking. After they wait for a few minutes then step onto a long walkway with a loud noise like WWWWWWOOOOOOMMMMMMMM. The Nacirema then sit in a chair then they are pushed back into their seats and then they are in the sky. Once in the sky the The Nacirema People take out small tablets and small rectangles to entertain themselves or they sleep. When they are done in the sky they dive downward and are pushed into their seats again and are back on the ground. The Nacirema have a lot of reasons for going into the sky but the main one is seeing other people in their tribe from far away. I feel like after visiting with the Nacirema you can see why it is so important to see and visit others in your tribe. I don’t know why they would want to go through this long process. It is a very long and tiring one.

~ Riley G.

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