Part One

She helped Lauren on every date to look her best and put her eyeliner on just right so that her eyes popped.

She listened to Lauren’s never ending ranting as the girl talked about the numerous dates she went on and the people she went on them with.

She agreed - wholeheartedly - when Lauren would say whoever she went on a date with didn’t deserve her. She knew that no one could truly deserve Lauren Michelle Jauregui Morgado.

Dinah, as much as she loves Lauren, she hates her.

She hates how she can tell Lauren’s smiling just by the tone of her voice. She hates how every time she wakes up and there’s voice message from Lauren maybe two or three minutes long of Lauren just ranting she’ll listen to the whole thing just to hear her voice for that many minutes longer that day. She hates how when Lauren hugs her, her smaller body fits perfectly against Dinah’s and all she wants to do is kiss her. She hates that Lauren is comfortable enough to change in front of her because sometimes she just wants the clothes to stay off so that she can kiss Lauren all over. She hates Lauren but she also loves Lauren so much it hurts.

It hurts when Lauren brings up a date she’s been asked on. It hurts when she sleeps over at Lauren’s and she wakes up before Lauren and has to refrain from watching over her because it’s not her place. Lauren isn’t hers, and she would never make her hers because if she does, she might lose Lauren altogether. And that would hurt more than listening to Lauren talk about dates and pretending she doesn’t want to kiss her and watching her fall for one person just to be hurt all over again.

Dinah's thought process behind her infatuation for Lauren was something I found myself working with a lot when they were planned to eventually get together. A lot of these frustrations still came out of Dinah, though, through arguments with her mom and Lauren.

i’m not good w words. never have been probably never will be. u are, tho, and it’s one of those things that i will forever admire u for. one of MANY things. which is lowkey funny that i admire u for anything bc i give u shit a lot of the time. it’s in good fun tho, and to protect myself - bc if u knew how many things i admired about u your head would explode. like that emoji 🤯 POW
anyways. you’re kind of stupidly pretty. not in the way like “oh you’re the hot best friend” i mean you’re literally the most gorgeous person i know. and u don’t even fucking realize it most of the time. but u get all blushy and shy when people compliment u and it’s the CUTEST shit. also!! u do this STUPID shit where u go from a cute little blushy bottom fuckin mess to a hot mf and it makes me SO angry like how do u do that please teach me and continue for the rest of your life
moving on. u don’t realize this shit bc you’re always concerned about everything going on in the world or about school or helping someone bc you’re such a good person and as much as i love that i also wish u gave yourself that passion bc sometimes u forget to and i get worried.
not that i’ll never not worry about u bc you’re like the most important person in my life. you’re my best friend in the entire world and as much as i want to deny it i’ve fallen in love with you.
everything u do pulls me deeper and god it’s SO fucking frustrating bc it’s such a cliche but then i was talking to mani and she was like “you talk about her like you want to marry her” and that stuck in my head bc when we were talking the other about our futures i couldn’t picture one w/o u in it. i know i’m sixteen and feelings change and akostjeiskflsosjj but i can’t help but tell u how fucking in love with u i am right now.
i love you lauren jauregui.
ps. u snore but it’s cute

This draft originated when Dinah and Lauren were endgame, which they were for a while. However, eventually the story changed and part two and three were created, making the story you read.

“You haven’t been here too much recently,” Lauren says, “I’ve missed you.”

Dinah gives her a halfhearted smile, “I’ve missed you too, Lo.”

Lauren scoffs, not meeting Dinah’s eyes, “No you haven’t.”

“What?”

“D, you hang out with Normani and Ally all the time. And I get it, they’re great people and you’re staying with Normani even though I’m right here -“

“Lo, you’re in a relationship, it’s not the same as it was over the summer when it was just you and me,” Dinah interjects, and Lauren rolls her eyes.

“Dinah, I’ve slept in the same bed as my sister thousands of times, doesn’t mean I’m doing anything stupid with her. Still wouldn’t mean anything. You’re like my sister, why would it be any different?” Lauren says almost too easily and Dinah just bites her tongue, not wanting to spit out anything too insane.

“I’m not your sister, Lauren,” She finally says, “I’m your best friend. Who’s also gay. And I’ve had multiple people tell me I’m hot, so…”

“That’s such a stereotype,” Lauren snorts, “it’s not like we’re in love or anything. That’s not even the point though, where have you been? You keep insisting that you and Mani aren’t dating but you’re literally attached at the hip.”

Dinah’s the one to roll her eyes now, “What? Like you and I were until you started dating Mila?”

Dinah watches as the cogs stop turning in Lauren’s brain and she goes quiet, “Lo, it’s fine. You have a girlfriend. Mani and I are just friends, just like how you and I were just friends before you got into a relationship.”

“We’re just friends?” Lauren looks almost hurt, and Dinah hates herself for having so much sympathy when Lauren is actively breaking her heart on a daily basis.

Dinah bites her lip, “No, we’re best friends. We have our forty year pact, remember?”

Lauren nods, “That still doesn’t explain why you’ve been so distant.”

“Lauren, you’ve been distant. And I don’t want to be a third wheel to you and Mila all the time, so I stay at Mani’s. It’s not complicated,” Dinah replies, exasperated.

“Okay, but when you stay over here, you don’t sleep in the same bed as me anymore,” Lauren says, “and I don’t understand that.”

Before she can process it, Dinah runs a hand through her hair and retorts, “It’s because I’m in love with you, Lauren! God, how don’t you see it? Everyone else knows about it, even Mila. And every time I hear you say something about Camila, I get frustrated because you’re not with me. Every time you hug me, I wish it would last just that much longer. I have nightmares about when we fucked because I got to have you to myself and my brain is fucking mocking me. You are happy, and I try so so hard to be happy for you, but at the same time, it makes me hate you, because I’m in love with you. So I can’t sleep in the same bed as you and I can’t hang out with you as much anymore and I can’t fucking stand it when you say to me that we’re like sisters because it all hurts so much that I wish I was fucking dead.”

This draft came from me wanting Dinah to confess her feelings for Lauren. However, I diverted from this idea and decided to keep Lauren in the dark about the entire situation. This also proved to better in the long run and allow Dinah to fully move on and for Lauren to fully pursue her relationship with Camila (even though they did break up).