Adversity Statement

Living with my abusive, alcoholic, and narcissistic father for over a decade came with constant challenges. There were nights he’d stumble in at 3 a.m., screaming so close to my face that his spit would hit me, or throwing chairs in a rage over things no one understood. I learned to pretend I was asleep when he came into my room and stood over me in silence. When I didn’t want to eat dinner, I was punished by being locked out on the back porch for the night, waiting in the dark until my mom could sneak me back inside once he fell asleep. In my teenage years, my mother was often at the hospital with my older sister, who was just 15 years old and battling leukemia. During his outbursts he blamed us, his young daughters, when the police were called to report domestic violence. He was the person who was supposed to protect me, yet he couldn’t even remember my birthday, much less show up to the party. Growing up with a father figure like that, was incredibly painful and confusing.

This brought up many challenges for me in such a crucial developmental period of my life. My relationship with my father destroyed my understanding of what love, respect, and safety should look like. As I have aged it has led me to difficulties trusting others or setting healthy boundaries in relationships.. With only one parent I taught myself that I couldn’t burden my mom with our struggles. She was already going through separation from my father. At the time she was scared of what he might do after we stood up to him. She was the glue for the family. So I kept things to myself. I found rides to practice and studied for school on my own. I made sure not to complain about having to wear a winter coat while I cooked breakfast because we couldn’t afford heat. Or when the unfinished walls would drop debris and installation on my face during my sleep. Fixing things like that just isn’t an option for my family. Balancing that kind of home life with trying to be a good student and athlete wasn’t easy. Leaving school and heading to practice, often running on little sleep and a heavy heart.

Thankfully for my older sisters, I was able to address those challenges with confidence. They were my role models, they had the same experiences as me. And they were still doing great things, and were not letting it take them down. But rather build them to be stronger, more resilient young adults. My teachers as well became the role models I didn’t have at home. They helped me forget, even just for a little while, about the chaos waiting at home. Their presence reminded me that there are good, caring adults in the world. I absorbed every bit of encouragement and guidance they offered. With that education became more than just a path to success, it was my escape. Additionally, sports was a memorable support system, it was my outlet. My team kept me grounded and motivated, helping me stay focused in school and believe that I was capable of more than my circumstances. In many ways, sports helped raise me when life at home was falling apart. 

Values I gained from my childhood experience, is first gratitude, because I wouldn’t be me today without my experiences. I’ve learned to be grateful for the values, skills, and personal insights that I developed from in my life. For instance, resilience, learning how to endure hardship and keep pushing. With no one to rely on I became independent. I learned life long skills early, because I was the only one that could do that for myself. Integrity, with the manipulation and dishonesty I experienced. I started to value honesty and consistency so much more. I also gained boundaries at a young age. At 16 years old I created my boundaries, I decided then that my peace is not something I am willing to give up just to have him in my life. My insight is that family isn’t always blood. Sure my father is technically my blood but that doesn’t mean I have to let him stay in my life and mentally abuse me everyday. He may be the person that is supposed to care for me, but in reality he was the one who caused me the most pain. I can choose to create a family for myself that includes mentors, teachers and friends. And that love is just as real as any love I can get from blood family members. 

These lessons inform my approach to teaching and working with students. As a teacher, I will create a safe environment where every one of my students feel seen, heard, and valued. I recognize that many students face challenges beyond the school, and I will foster a space where they feel safe to learn and grow without fear. In relation to my teaching philosophy about building an admirable character. No matter what their background may be, every student deserves the opportunity to build a strong sense of self and the characteristics that will guide them long after they leave the school environment. I understand, firsthand, the importance of stability and encouragement in a young person’s life. I am aware that no situation is exactly the same and I certainly don’t know exactly what they may be feeling at any moment. But atleast I am able to see the situation through a more empathetic lens than others may be able to because of the adversity I faced as a child. I want to be the person for my students that I leaned on when I was young. Someone that listens, supports, and encourages them to believe in their own potential. And reminds them that there is hope for the future and their strength will get them through the difficult times. Be the family they may need, remind them they will never be alone if I am around.. My past does certainly not define me, but it has shaped me into a compassionate, determined, and empathetic educator and I will dedicate myself to making a difference in the lives of my students.