Months passed since I entered the new world. Even with a new leader upon us, I still think that it was not easy. I have mentioned earlier that Taehyung - or Cara - or whatever we may call him depending on his 'persona' - is not perfect. And at this point when he is running for this long (because six months is not a joke), I have finally come to realize that.

I can tell that I'm busy, but no one knows. I want - and tried so hard to convince myself that I was going on the right path, but I couldn't. I thought I knew what I wanted to do - but this world tells me otherwise.

I promised from the very beginning that I had to shape up. At least I told myself. But did I? I think I did - in the form of MDverse. But did I.. really??

In all honesty I feel that the MDverse is the only thing that kept me going. Other than that, I thought that I still have not found my purpose.

Could it be..

Could it be....  that my actual purpose can only be found in an alternate universe.

I feel like I don’t belong here.

Maybe some people could be right. They say I should just let go. I did. I am doing it. I have always been for TWO YEARS. But how come nothing was happening? Nan molla. Did something happen? How come my parents still did not see anything? Could this mindset that I have only apply to the rich? They seem to value financial security and stability above anything.

Well then. Are they supposed to know every single thing that I am up to? Maybe.

And I don't want to say this and I have never imagined saying this in my 25 years, but.. was I born into the wrong family? I love them. I really love them. But was I sincere about it? Or have I failing them all along?

I remember asking my mom if she believes that I love her. She said yes, though she mentioned that I sometimes tend to be a little selfish. I'm not! At least I try myself not to. But if I were to be honest with myself, sometimes I am. Was I deceiving myself?

I did not know what makes me happy. I was doing things which I thought would make me happy - was there anything wrong about it?

Was I forgetting about our vision to love ourselves or had I been doing it all this time?