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"In life, we will face challenges and difficulties to achieve our goals or even just to live by in our everyday lives. They say that you become stronger and wiser when you overcome these challenges and problems."
✦ Overthinking ✦
Being a critical thinker doesn't always mean that you should overthink everything ✿. This mindset carried me through this quarter in my StatProb course. But, no matter how much I clung to that statement, there were definitely times when my overthinking skyrocketed, affecting my academic performance.
✿ My Long Tests Journey : A life-depleting event ✿
I don’t know why, but since I came to Ateneo, I’ve always had a hard time with long tests or face-to-face exams. Maybe because I haven’t adjusted enough yet, or perhaps just because it’s hard for me, given my situation. I also had the same challenge last quarter in my TaAG course, long tests.
My game plan to get a solid E for StatProb was this, first and most importantly, we work hard for S in all the long tests. The other components were less of my worry since I feel confident that I can handle those. Back on track, long tests. But oh, okay, I must be realistic. So I thought to myself, I must get at most 1 C in all three long tests; that way, I might still get a Superb in my long test component.
♠ Long Test 1 ♠
My dreaded time came, the long test one. I studied hard, made notes, watched videos, and answered practice tests. At the time of the exam, I had done well so far but failed to answer that one item about making tables, one that I’ve always had difficulty doing. I could’ve answered that one, though, if it weren’t for the time limit. So far, so good! I only left one item blank, and if my calculations were proper, if all the answers I inputted were correct, I’d get an S for that test! High hopes, high hopes.
Overthinking struck me, what if I didn’t answer everything correctly? That would crush my goal of getting an E for a math subject. I tried my best to erase those thoughts and prayed hard to God to give me an S this time. I knew all the other long tests would be more complex than the first one, so in LT1, I must get only at most three mistakes. One problem = three points, so I prayed hard that I had no other errors.
❆ Life-depleting ❆
I failed. Sir posted our scores on Google classroom, and I felt weak on my knees when I saw my score. It was 17/21, just one point away from a Superb mark. I cried as I succumbed to my bed. I asked the Lord, "God, this was one thing I asked. How hard is it to give?" I cried and cried until I couldn't anymore. It was devastating and so frustrating, one point, I only needed an additional one point, yet I failed to get it. My chances of getting an E became heartbreakingly low, and I felt disappointed in myself once more.
✿ Overthinking to Overcoming ✿
After my score came out, I tried avoiding it. I did not talk about it and tried to distract myself from doing anything that would remind me of it. I watched movies, played games, went out, and even resorted to stress-eating. But at the end of it all, I knew that I needed to face it somehow. ♡
What I did to face this issue was something not that easy. The first step was to accept that I had failed. This was very hard for me since I had a lot of questions and what-ifs in my mind, like "Why did it happen?" and "What if I studied harder?"
Then I realized this was not the end of it all. Since this is my first C, I need to make sure that in the other two long tests, I get S. By that, I might still be able to get an E in this course. I also chose not to dwell in negativity for a long time. Instead, I promised myself that I would do better next time. I always talked to God and apologized for questioning Him; I told Him my thoughts and asked for His guidance so that I would know what to do next. ♡
♥ My Family, My Strength ♥
Being in a long-distance relationship with my family is difficult. Whenever I craved a hug or their presence, I felt lonely and sad. However, they never failed to make me feel loved and cared for, even if we were away from each other.
One precious moment with my dad that I would like to share with you is when I cried so much because school was so hard, and I was missing them. My dad did not hesitate to call me even though it was already midnight. He comforted me and assured me that they would always be proud of me no matter what. I slept that night with a happy heart, thanks to him.
My mom and I always had video calls every night, which kept me sane during my stay here in Marikina. She would be the one who would listen to all my stories and problems; she was always there for me and always reminded me to hold on strong to the Lord.
♡ Remembering my Goals : Life - Giving ♡
By God's grace, all will be alright in time, and I will be proud of myself again ✿. These are one step closer to my ultimate dream of being a Pulmonologist ✦.
For now, my short-term goals include passing tasks on time then, getting a high mark, and taking care of myself more. One long-term goal I set is to be an honor student during my senior year of high school. ✦
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