Grammys

It’s that time…GO GRAMMYS GO! Make me laugh again!

1. Leon Bridges, modeling the latest in sharpie markered pantsuit/western-ish wear?

2. Hello, Dolly! Ms. Parton, 73 is not supposed to look that young and hot…

3. Gonna give Ricky Martin’s pornstache a solid NO. But he is still pretty.

4. Dua Lipa’s claws have been bedazzled. Looks dangerous. Not sure how she’s going to hold anything or visit the ladies’ room without help.

5. Heidi Klum in white shoulder flaps 3 feet across. I think that’s all I have to say. Sometimes this comedy just writes itself.

6. Cardi B, you can try, but you will never be Lady Gaga being carried down the red carpet in a translucent egg.

7. J.Lo, Janelle Monae, and the Little Big Town brunette are running around in giant sombreros, putting peoples’ eyes out with the brims. Really. I can’t make this stuff up.

8. Red carpet done…IT’S SHOWTIME!

9. Why, hello Arturo Sandoval. And Ricky Martin. And some bearded dude in a dress. Thank you for helping Camilla Cabello bring us West Side Story 2.0.

10. Alicia Keys as host is going to give us a full night of earth mother, soul sister, girl power, inclusive positivity. We’re all gonna be peace and love hippies by the end of the night.

11. Kasey Musgraves is one of the best songwriters of our time. So simple and perfect. Real music. We should all listen to more of her. Rainbows!

12. Janelle Monae is the rock and roll love child of Prince and Grace Jones, and she gave us the funkiest Robert Palmer video tribute ever. So much latex. And oh my, I think she may have dressed two of her dancers as private parts. Go on with your bad self, you twisted lady, you.

13. What kind of horrible editing was that after they announced Song of the Year? I saw cameras, headset people, a confused John Mayer, and a wandering Alicia Keys. Maybe they were just as shocked as I was that Childish Gambino beat Lady Gaga and Brandi Carlile.

14. Appearing in this year’s Kanye West-esque “I can’t see him for the fog and darkness” moment, Post Malone. And Anthony Kiedis’ Beatles cosplay is totally on point.

15. Anna Kendrick is tiny enough to use a shower loofah as a dress. Clever.

16. On the Dolly tribute, we see the perfect contrast of how to sing Dolly right (Ms. Musgraves again) and how to butcher it with oversinging (Katy Perry, you should know better).

17. We are now at 3 different outfits Miley Cyrus has worn that are oversized jackets wide open with no shirt underneath. It’s like she wants a wardrobe malfunction. Credit for her singing though, spot on…

18. Cardi B is lip-synching. Pass.

19. There’s a reason Alicia Keys has won 15 Grammys. She proved why by doing a medley of songs she didn’t write but wishes she had. And then sang and played them all better than the originals. No small feat because the girl has taste.

20. Diana. Diva. Divine. Miss Ross in Red.

21. Lady Gaga sang a glorious ballad (you know the one). To present it, she took the swagger of Kiss, the bombast of Queen, and the strangeness of Bowie, mixed it on the stage and threw it back out at the audience with stadium-level pyro, mic stand thrashing, and a full glitter body suit. Because she can. I love her.

22. Travis Scott. There was a flute. An out of tune muted trumpet. Phillip Bailey harmonizing with another male falsetto. A bunch of kids climbing a cage. I found no musical value here, and there’s no amount of Earth, Wind, and Fire members that can turn me to a different opinion. But his Kardashian girlfriend did her normal fashion victim thing. Hmm, still no value here.

23. The Motown Medley. For a second there, I thought a dancer had stepped on J.Lo’s impossible train and yanked her down. Instead, she was grabbed on purpose by two dancers who were helping her with an onstage quick change. Weird.

24. Brandi Carlile’s “The Joke” is one of the best songs ever written. It makes me cry every time I hear it. Words so true and strong will live forever. I don’t care if it wins a Grammy, because it wins in life.

25. Cardi B wins for Hot Mess Acceptance Speech of the Night. Her voice! My ears!

26. Oh my, St. Vincent and Dua Lipa. I’m not sure I’ve seen this much onstage heat between two women since Wendy and Lisa. I’m also not sure I’ve seen so many women playing guitars onstage in one single Grammy telecast. God, finally. And I want St. Vincent’s piano necklace.

27. Bob Newhart is still funny. And still alive. Best new artist needs to be Greta van Fleet or I riot.

28. RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!! I hate you so much, Grammy voters.

29. I need to borrow Yolanda Adams’ dress for my next Renaissance Festival.

30. Holy OMG. My Kasey won Album of the Year. Finally, an unexpected win that makes me reasonably happy.

That’s a wrap, y’all. 42 minutes over time and there’s no stopping that kooky old Grammy train. See you next year!

Oh Grammys. Here we go again. I may be a day late and a dollar short, but you’ve got my attention now. Let’s go!

1. ‘Merica! Let the political statements begin! As Kendrick Lamar got started, I was thinking I would be a little bored. Then BOOM! Dancing soliders! Eight seconds of U2 just to get Grammy voters’ attention! Super pyro! The girl from The Ring drumming and dancing! Powerful theatrics and commentary! And the only way to take it any further? Dave Chappelle comedy breaks. WOW!

2. Lady Gaga is exquisite as always. But how many angels had to die for her (and her piano’s) wardrobe?

3. Well look how cute Tony Bennett and John Legend are together. I bet they’ll be recording an album together next week.

4. Is Sam Smith wearing pajamas? I understand completely. His singing was beautiful, but his movements seemed tenuous, possibly contributing to my thinking he’s an infirmary escapee.

5. And surprisingly, Jim Gaffigan (not James Corden) gives me my first belly laugh of the night.

6. Little Big Town! Don’t jump! You have so much to live for!

7. Yeah Gary Clark and Jon Batiste! Give me some real rock and roll classics and explain good music to the Grammys! Fats Domino and Chuck Berry changed music for better forever.

8. Can we just have all the Pop Solo Performance nominees win? Not fair, putting Ed Sheeran, Pink, Lady Gaga, and Kesha up for the same award. Boo.

9. And for the first poor fashion choice of the night: it’s a bad idea to put long silver fringe on the back of your Daisy Dukes. It looks like you’re pooping glitter. But hey, if that’s what you were going for…

10. I’ve never really been a fan of Childish Gambino, but that was the most Prince-like scream I’ve ever heard from someone who was not Prince.

11. Pink is perfection all day every day. Even though she is known for over-the-top performances, she also knows the power of performance can be as simple as standing there and singing your heart out wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Effing perfect.

12. Bruno Mars is working his way through all the decades in his stage shows isn’t he? Remember his 50s gold lame days? His 60s sharkskin suit days? His 70s Jackson Five days? Well it looks like we’re in the 80s now with Kangol hats, primary colors, and baseball jerseys.

13. And in the “No One is Shocked” category, Dave Chappelle wins Comedy Album of the Year.

14. Geez Grammys, I get it. We’re in New York. You drag out poor Sting to sing his NY song, you make everyone walk out to NY songs, and even pulled up an old gem like Ella’s “Autumn in New York” Yes, we know where you are. The only way I will be okay with this is if they play Gil Scott-Heron’s “New York is Killing Me”.

15. There were a ton of great names that got Trustees or Lifetime Achievement Grammys. Underserved with a tiny video compilation. With artists like John Williams, Emmylou Harris, Louis Jordan, The Meters, Queen, and Tina Turner, they should have had some onstage time.

16. The choreography on the Rihanna/Khaled collaboration was crotch-tastic! So colorful, yet so weird, dark, and kind of vulgar. Got my attention…

17. Thank God Chris Stapleton won the country award. Please keep up this trend and maybe country will start to sound like country again.

18. Go Target Go. What do you have for us this year? What, 12 seconds of Zedd and Maren Morris? Harumph. It was just a teaser. Ah, much better later. Best choreography of the night and loved the visual production. If Target keeps going like this, they’re going to outdo the Grammys at their own show.

19. Damn, Kesha. You said it. Out loud. And now you have the world on your side. Beautiful and powerful. Amen.

20. Let’s talk about U2 for a moment, shall we? Please understand that I have loved them for decades of my life, and they helped me to realize that I could love rock music and still be a good person, unlike what certain church leaders were telling me back in 1983. All this said, they gave us a retread of Beautiful Day with this newer song. It leaves me torn, as I still love them, but they’re falling into the AC/DC trap of always sounding the same. But I love AC/DC too. So what can you do? And my final aside on the topic, was there a crowd there at the bay to watch them, or did they perform to the cameras and no one else? Hmmm.

21. Now kids, you know me. I don’t get into politics on Facebook. But that spoken word skit was funny. I do happen to like laughing at politicians.

22. ELTON! Love it. Well hey there, Miley Cyrus. Aren’t you looking classy in a fab fuchsia ball gown? Now we can talk about how great of a singer you are. Well done, lovely.

23. Ben Platt singing “Somewhere” is the best singing of the night. Well, it’s tied with Pink. Wait, no. Miss Super Diva Patti LuPone just buried everyone else. She may be telling Argentina not to cry for her, but I ain’t Argentina, and she’s not the boss of me. The woman is a dream come true.

24. And bringing us tonight’s geometry and runic symbol lesson, SZA! She’s also showing how we can run to the thrift store, pick up an old high school dance squad dress, and shred it into couture fashion.

25. Greg Kurstin wins Producer of the Year! I’d like to give Foo Fighters’ Concrete and Gold the credit!

26. Emmylou + Chris Stapleton = acoustic perfection and a beautiful tribute. (And on a completely shallow note, I have always wanted one of her signature guitars, a Gibson J-200).

27. Haha Bono, I loved Edge’s early work too. Such an honest man, that Bono with his understated buddy Mr. The Edge.

28. And we end on a meh. Don’t get me wrong, Bruno Mars gave a lovely speech and has some worthy music, but there’s nothing about this year that really got me screaming at the TV. So you get a pass this year Grammys, but you’d better bring your “A” game next year.

Grammys, you had a great show last year… now don’t get cocky, kid! SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!

1. What’s worse: Katy Perry’s shiny t-shirt with a dirty toilet paper skirt? Or Heidi Klum’s shiny t-shirt with…nothing? Either way, shiny t-shirts for the LOSS!

2. Halsey shows up in pajamas with the top completely unbuttoned. This could be more dangerous for boob spillage than J-Lo’s 2000 masterpiece.

3. Cee-3P Lo is here to serve you, Master Skywalker. Mr. Green is wearing so much gold he belongs in a James Bond film.

4. James Corden’s parents are the cutest thing ever on the red carpet tonight. They celebrate their 45^th wedding anniversary by helping their son tell a joke on national television!

5. Elle King, you fairy pixie oddball. Do your thing with that flower garden all over you.

6. SHOWTIME! Oh. My. God. Adele. SLAY! She’s proving that her voice is all she needs to own an audience. No fancy stage work here, just SANGIN’!

7. James Corden proving that Spinal Tap stage malfunction jokes are still funny 30 years later. And that Drake/Rihanna jokes are still too soon…

8. Can we just give Daft Punk a bunch of Grammys again even though they didn’t put any eligible music out this year?

9. Oh thank God. John Travolta didn’t creep anyone out and was (sort of) charming this time.

10. Nice performance by Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood. And not a damn thing about it was country. No hate, just stating a fact. I am a big fan of calling it what it is. Or what it isn’t.

11. Oh Twenty-One Pilots, thanks for the pep talk. I’ve always wanted to go to the Grammys. At first I was going to roll my eyes at the pantsless acceptance speech, or think that maybe you were just trying to follow Heidi Klum’s anti-pants stance tonight. But saying thank you by telling the funny story was a nice change of pace from the normal boring speeches. So thanks.

12. Okay, now that everyone’s taking off their pants, what the heck is poor Lady Gaga gonna do? Girl never has pants!

13. Seriously? Ed Sheeran is going to loop pedal his performance? At the Grammys? LOVE IT! That right there is a one-man show.

14. And Bowie for the posthumous win. No shock here. Up to now he had one video Grammy and the Lifetime Achievement apology, but now that he’s gone, they threw every possible Grammy win they could at Blackstar. Correct choice, but again in standard Grammy fashion, too little too late.

15. Lukas Graham and Kelsea Ballerini prove that Axis of Awesome’s Four Chords can go on indefinitely. Same four chords and so many hits.

16. All welcome the newest Hindu mother goddess…Beyonce! The girl speaks ICON fluently and after this she is going to be compared to the Virgin Mary, Parvati, and the Statue of Liberty. Although there was plenty of voice-over in her performance, the singing she did do was quite a feat. Any woman who’s tried to sing when heavily pregnant knows: that little baby (or two) squishes every organ in you, including your lungs. Lovely, Queen Bey, lovely.

17. AAAAAA! Corden’s Carpool Karaoke! My favorite part of the Late Late Show. Sweeeeeet Caroliiiiiine! AND THEY’RE GOING TO MAKE IT A TV SERIES? Sign me up!

18. BRUNO MARS! He hits every note, nails every step, and with the lights, the smoke, and the crowd interaction, he is always a consummate showman.

19. Katy Perry…girl, you’re coming off as a second-rate Lady Gaga and you’re better than this. And honestly the new song is NOT knocking me out. But the light show/visual effect/dance troupe is neat.

20. Spend some quality time looking up those mean tweets about James Corden. You will LYAO ;)

21. Do you know about Gary Clark, Jr.? You need to. He is this year’s first homework assignment, class. First person to comment the name of his hometown wins a high five from me.

22. Beyonce’s acceptance speech was written on a golden card. Girl knows how to match her CRIB NOTES with her outfit. Damn, that’s dedication.

23. Maren Morris should be getting a call from Victoria’s Secret any day now. I hear they’re looking for new models. And wow, Chaka Khan, I mean, Alicia Keys is looking good!

24. Oh Adele. I love you. I love that you just showed the WORLD how to fix a GIGANTIC mistake and still honor the glorious George Michael. The humanity of that moment, cursing and all, was perfect. Not ashamed to say it put tears in my eyes, and I can’t find a single crowd shot after the song that didn’t have everyone crying in it.

25. Laverne Cox, sashay, shauntay to the microphone, work the runway, sweetie.

26. SOUND GUYS! FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT! Metallica and Gaga are giving us a blistering song AND WE CAN’T HEAR HETFIELD! But in other news, it’s nice to see that Gaga has as much fun singing metal whilst wearing band t-shirts, fishnets, and boots and as I do (I use a little less pyro). \m/

27. I can’t help but notice that they chose high voiced female belters to sing all the Bee Gees/Saturday Night Fever songs. I’m pretty sure they’re the only ones who can hit those super high notes. Flashy, slick, and cheesy, like a Bee Gees tribute should be. Boogie on…

28. Don’t you NEVER say a bad word about Morris Day & The MF Time! PERFECT way to kick off the Prince tribute. Bruno and his band did a fine job, but it only served to remind me that there’s a massive blank spot in music where a whole lot of purple should be. But did you see? Did you see the Apple commercial afterwards with all the covers of Nothing Compares 2 U? I saw you, Brandi Carlile, and I HEARD you!

29. Chance the Rapper gives us a message of music, faith, and love. I accept.

30. And Adele, Adele, Adele and out. Lady knows how to keep it SO real. And she knows how to give Beyonce some love without being a jerk.

Over and out, my lovelies. See you next year!

Welcome my friends to yet another year of Grammys (and I’m still not there in person…CURSES!). Before I get started, during the red carpet broadcast, my local station (Springfield) had a commercial honoring Bill Brown, Don Shipps, Jim Wunderle, and Lou Whitney, amazing musicians that our community has lost over the years. THAT’s some real music right there. Put a tear in my eye.

On to the festivities. Hey, ho, let’s go!

1. SKREEEE! Wait, back up. On the red carpet, was that Lady Gaga in full Bowie drag? Oh yes it WAS! The hot orange hair and shiny blue jumpsuit version! Look Broncos fans, she is unintentionally wearing your colors! And hold the phone, is that the Preservation Hall tuba player cutting a path through the audience before the show? Oh this could go welllll….

2. Ladies and gentlemen….SIA….oh wait, I mean, Taylor Swift? So edgy...I guess. Her backup singers are drowning her out. I suppose that’s not such a bad thing, they ARE great singers. I blame the sound guy. Not bad Tay Tay, not bad.

3. Why is Ariana out of breath? Is her red dress squeezing her lungs? No matter, this Weeknd feller sure can sing. Anyone want to watch him sing in a super-hair choir with Patti Labelle, Adam Duritz and Janelle Monae? I do.

4. What’s up with extremely young looking singers being squeezed by red dresses? Maybe it’s the theme for all the announcers. Can’t wait to see the frock Bruno Mars is gonna wear.

5. I’m getting tired of the fashion designers who slap a sheer fabric swatch on some underwear and call it a dress. Only a half hour in and we’ve seen two too many.

6. Go John Legend! Can I be one of your backup singers? Demi Lovato has a fantastic voice, but girl needs to breathe in the right place, especially on the easy to sing parts. Huh, Luke Bryan is just as smarmy singing R&B as he is singing country. Hot boots Meghan Trainor. I said BOOTS! GO LIONEL! It’s your house now. Awwwww, Dave Grohl and his wife singing and dancing to All Night Long holding up red Solo cups. Let’s all go back to high school together!

7. Commercial break #1! Gonna have to see that movie Sing in December if I don’t forget about it in 10 months.

8. Karen Fairchild of Little Big Town has a gorgeous voice. She also has a way of making weird fashion choices look good. Leather pants, a bustier and a fluffy tulle backskirt? It works in black and on Karen.

9. Remember all those years the cameras kept showing Taylor Swift’s reactions to EVERYTHING? Apparently Dave Grohl is in that seat this year. And somehow I don’t mind…

10. WHAAAAT? I LOVE Ed Sheeran! Good job Grammy voters, you got Song of the Year right!

11. I normally joke and quote the line from Big Lebowski saying I hate the…Eagles, but I really don’t. The harmonies are still beautiful after all this time. The hurt is still so clear on their faces showing how much they miss Glenn Frey.

12. Commercial break #2! MUST. SEE. NEW. ALICE. MOVIE. I need to have my mind blown like that.

13. Now is the time to mention that the Grammys are JAM packed with STRONG singers tonight. THANK YOU! Finally.

14. WHAT is happening on Broadway right now? There is so much awesomely rock and roll music that I am ready to run away and join that circus. Anyone who can turn an autobiography of a U.S. founding father into a rock/rap musical has a gift. Dropping Hamiltons like Aaron Burr indeed!

15. WOW! Kendrick Lamar is who Kanye wishes he could be. PRODUCTIONNNNNN! Kendrick’s gonna burn the place down! Literally! Give his saxophone player a Grammy! Righteous!

16. Best. Award. Speech. Ever. Hamilton wins!

17. Commercial Break #3. Gwen. Marilyn. Catchy. About Blake Shelton. A+ to the director/creators. The End.

18. BRUNOOOOOO! There’s a fellow who knows how to introduce someone. Sound people, do NOT make me go all the way to L.A. to slap you. Get it together, this is the Grammys and this is Adele.

19. I would have been okay if Justin Bieber had just played the acoustic song. I was actually going to say something nice about that. But I forgot what that nice thing was when he slammed the guitar down in a not-very-rock-n-roll kind of way and ran to sing badly in front of some band and an umlaut/smiley face. Better luck next time Biebs. And pull your damn pants up.

20. Aw, Meghan I like you even better now. You cried, you made your dad cry, you truly took this award to heart. What’s that speck in my eye…

21. Words…um…words, can’t find them…going off to cry in the corner now with joy and sadness at knowing that Gaga launched that performance into outer space so the Starman himself could see it.

22. RUTH BROWN! One of my favorites! If you haven’t heard of her, please look her up.

23. Have mercy, Grammys. You’re giving me all of these great, REAL singers, and as I watch Chris Stapleton, Gary Clark Jr., and Bonnie Raitt slay the grittiest blues I’ve ever heard, I know the Thrill is Gone, and it took B.B. King with it.

24. It took me until just now to realize the similarities between Brittany Howard of Alabama Shakes and Sister Rosetta Tharpe (look her up too, kiddies). Maybe it’s the white cape, the Gibson SG, the hallelujah yowl in her voice. Preach sister!

25. They bring Dave Grohl on with a Probot song to talk about Lemmy. Talk about preaching! NOW BRING ME THE METAL, Hollywood Vampires, you evil, dirty, harbingers of hellfire and doom!

26. MY HEAD IS EXPLODING! ACE OF SPADES! AAAAACE OF SPAAAAAAAADES! FISTS ARE SHAKING! SCREAMING ALONG! LEMMY WINS!

27. Wow. It took me until the end of the night to realize that Taylor Swift was wearing a swimsuit. Her sentiment on ignoring the haters was spot on, but

28. YES! UPTOWN FUNK! BRUNO MARS! And calling out George Clinton. And Bruno yelling before they even announced it. There was never a doubt that it was the Record of the Year.

29. I do love me some Pitbull. I don’t care that he stole Murder She Wrote from Chaka Demus, Taxi is still a hot groove. I’m gonna steal that dress from Sofia Vergara.

30. Grammys, you are BACK! I love you! It’s like you fixed everything I hated, like you were listening or something. Thank you for giving us MUSIC again. Keep it up!

1. My apologies if I missed anything in the first minute, my CBS affiliate had a black screen until about 7:01pm. How appropriate because...

2. AAAAAAAA! AC/freakin'DC! Yes sir! Way to set it on fire and BRING THE ROCK! True, they are a little older and slower, but I am absolutely positive they were LOUD. AS. HELL. AND they get two songs? Grammy....don't spoil me so, I could get used to it. And finally, a crowd reaction as it should be, with everyone bowing down to the masters, devil horns and all. Respect.

3. Please, best new artist category, I'm typing about Sam Smith before they even announce it. Expect him to be able to put ANYTHING on record and have it be nominated for the rest of his career (and I hate the comparisons, but yes, like Adele).

4. Okay fine, let's talk about Taylor's dress. Bold choice, great color, and the only thing I question is the shortness of the front. Maybe even an inch more wouldn't have distracted me, along with her winner's envelope/cooch cover.

5. Shut up about Jessie J's dress, she gets a pass because she can sing circles around everyone. Tom Jones was looking and sounding classy, but every time I see him on stage, I can't seem to forget how smarmy and gross he was in the 70's, with his tight satin pants and manly chest fur. Ewwwww!

6. Pharrell's "WTF did I really win" look was not awkward at all. What WAS awkward? The dress shorts. Last year Ranger Rick, this year Pee-Wee Herman. Oh Pharrell, what will you do next?

7. Commercial break. I know I'm supposed to hate big, giant corporate bad guys like McDonalds, but THAT was the most charming commercial I've seen since the Owl City Oreo one. Bad guys and good guys getting along, as it should be :)

8. Wow, Grammy lighting and pyro team, SOMEone wants to win an Emmy! Miranda, did you just say....F*#@? THANK YOU for being you no matter what, girl!

9. See #3. Like I said...

10. Dreams don't have deadlines. Believe in yourself. Thank you LL, I will!

11. WHAAAAAT? Beck beats out the "we should have given you a Grammy years ago" Tom Petty and "we always throw Grammys at" U2? Oh that's right, Beck is a Grammy darling too. Must have been a tough vote for the old codgers.

12. Anyone around me knows I go on and on about Ed Sheeran. He's quirky and talented, one of my favorite songwriters, singers and cover song performers. He would have to pull a John Mayer to fall out of favor with me. Oh, hi John Mayer, sorry about that. How's that Buddy Holly lookalike gig treating you?

13. Herbie Hancock gets his own sentence because, Herbie Hancock.

14. Thank you Paul McCartney for not giving a crap that you were the only one standing up for ELO (at least until you saw the cameras). He'll always be The Cute One.

15. Can I tell you how happy I am that they didn't show gratuitous Taylor Swift audience dancing until over an hour into the show? Don't let it happen again Grammys, you get one.

16. Anyone else completely bored by the majority of the songs this year? There's nothing to hate on really, but nothing to rave about either. So much unmemorable filler. So I'll just cover all that by saying, pretty dress Gwen, lame rehash Kanye, nice imagery Madonna, politcal Eric Church, blah blah Ariana, and only Stevie saved Usher in the last 10 seconds.

17. Amen indeed, Hozier and Annie Lennox, amen indeed. OH MAH GAWD Annie! You HAVE put a spell on me. Preach sister and wake me up from the boredom!

18. I love Pharrell. I love Happy. But he sang it last year. Better. Starting in a minor key? With senseless chatter? Then throwing in Lang Lang just because it worked last year? Nope. (Who was that old guy playing guitar? I totally missed the announcement. Who was the announcer? I should pay more attention).

19. That was beautiful Brooke Axtell. #itsonus. Then Katy Perry shows Kanye how to use light and shadow to perfection. Beautiful in her soul, sound, look, and message.

20. Lady Gaga with Tony B., proving what I've said all along. For as completely whack-ball as so much of her work is, she knows how to sing, respect her (iconic and talented) elders, and fit into the moment. Silver screen siren perfection!

21. I wish I owned every acoustic guitar I saw a country artist playing on the show tonight (and Beck's).

22. Beautiful, simple, perfect. See where the class of Paul McCartney (a.k.a. Mr. Songcraft) will get you, Kanye? And Rihanna, lovely, understated, and well sung.

23. Silence everyone. Sam and Mary owning it. No words perfect enough for true music like that.

24. Albums still matter. -PRINCE. Yes! WHAAAAAAT? See #11. Wow, color me corrected, I thought sure this was another Sam Smith ringer. I wanted Ed Sheeran to win, but I have NO problem with Beck winning. Still, wow.

25. I'm fine with punching Shia LeBeouf. Sia. You. Are. So. Weird. We can rest assured you will never be mentioned in #16 above.

26. Now we're back to expected winners! I lost a contest again this year for a trip to the Grammys based on a video I created. I was beaten by Stay with Me (changed to Stay at the Doubletree...witty). I chose an Ed Sheeran song that is track #3 on the consolation prize Grammy 2015 CD I should be getting any day now. Oh, I'm not bitter (sarcasm font). Maybe next year. Sigh.

27. Not enough Dave Grohl this year. But I'll take what I can get. See you next year Dave, you'll be up for every possible award for Sonic Highways I'm sure.

28. Beyonce, you might be singing that hymn with every part of your saved soul, but all I can see is your nekkidness. Angelic dress, but ALL wrong for this, Ms. B.

29. Common and John Legend bring the power and passion. And a full choir. And strings. Yes.

30. Wait, wait, wait, hold up. Was that awkward cut to Stay With Me supposed to happen? Was this in response to last year's tromping of a blistering, heart shaking rock performance by a bunch of ads? That was a lazy way to end it. I still hate you Grammys. And I still can't quit you. See you next year...

Ladies and gentlemen: my Grammy post:

1. Was Pharrell wearing a giant brown paper bag? A flower pot? A Ranger Rick hat?

2. Nice of Katy Perry to recycle the entire production of E.T. from 2012. Starts with ice. Ends with fire. Only difference was now she’s a witch! Burn the witch! (Not really, I still like her…).

3. Robin Thicke hoes his song out to Miley Cyrus AND Chicago within just a few months time, making him this year’s official song pimp of the nation.

4. Thank you John Legend for writing a lovely love song and giving us a break from the stupid

5. News flash: Taylor Swift still can’t sing live. Damn. You’d think after all this time...vocal coach? something? anything? Jeez, at least try and get help. And honey, I’m sorry, but that kind of head thrashing doesn’t even come close to fitting the song. But you must have the best hairdresser EVER because your hair still looked amazing afterward. I’m not sure what’s worse, the way she’s known to overreact to applause with way too much surprise, or like tonight with the blank stare. Said it before, gotta say it again...just stop.

6. As always Pink, thank you. You completely outdid Beyonce. She wore a tiny see through black thing, and so did you, but your lips weren’t peeking out. And instead of writhing like a stripper on a chair and saying really dirty s*#t, you’re spinning on little strips of fabric without a net above the crowd and getting thrown around...AND STILL SINGING YOUR ASS OFF the whole time. Not lip syncing. I hate to compare, but when it’s this obvious, I have to say it.

7. What a GREAT way to introduce Best Pop Vocal Performance...with the viral YouTube video versions of the songs. Really proves that it’s “Pop”, as in popular.

8. Black. F*#%ing. Sabbath. Yes.

9. Is this the first time Beyonce and Jay-Z have officially shown each other real affection in public that wasn’t part of a performance? Well, cool.

10. Imagine Dragons! Kendrick Lamar! Bringing the power and energy when the Grammys rarely ever have it. Loud drumming is fun to do and fun to watch. And the crowd stood up and noticed. Well done.

11. GRAMMYS! STOP showing Taylor Swift trying to get crunk and throw gang signs when she wants to get up and dance. It’s embarrassing for everyone. Instead, please continue to show me Kasey Musgraves. What a sweet serving of sass in her songs. Her band’s light up jackets remind me of the old country stars’ Nudie Suits. A+. More please.

12. Paaaauuuuul! Ringooooooo! *faints* (and Paul can still write the catchiest rock songs).

13. Country royalty. The best. The real deal. ‘Nuff said.

14. And have I mentioned yet? Everyone I have wanted to win...HAS WON! Kasey Musgraves, you amazingly talented, smart, adorably young and sparkly girl. Stick around for a long time, okay?

15. Barney introduces Daft Punk, Pharrell, Nile and Stevie (still hanging in there). And then they show us a great time. Legen…….dary!

16. I see Sara Bareilles and Carole King and wish I could be that creative. Beautiful.

17. Lorde - Royals. I have a very difficult relationship with this song. Catchy, in a very simple way, you used to be able to catch me turning it up in the car. But selfishly, the song now makes me mad, because I was in a contest to win a trip to these very Grammys and someone beat me out by re-writing the song for their entry. *Sigh* and now I’m done feeling sorry for myself. Besides, if I had gone this year, my husband would have made a scene heckling Metallica. They done him wrong. True story.

18. Jared Leto to talk about Lou Reed? I hate you Grammys.

19. Steven, skip to #20. Metallica+Lang Lang+One=EPIC RAWK!

20. Steven Tyler, rip that weird porn ‘stache off your lip and keep singing!

21. What the heck, Steven and I get married and then folks gotta one-up us by doing theirs on national television. Still, I’d say love was really in the room, and it’s good to be bold in showing love. I adore Mary Lambert’s voice on the song. “Grammyyyyyyys...put me in your showwwwwww” -Madonna *said in whiny voice*. And the cane? Maybe now she’s finally owning up to how much she’s aged.

22. I get excited about the stuff Miranda Lambert and Billie Joe Armstrong do, but this kind of let me down. It was kind enough, but it’s unexpectedly hard to hit the nuances that came by nature to the Everlys.

23. Thank you Paul Williams for the belly laugh of the night. I like this Daft Punk album much better than that stuff you did with the Carpenters back in the day.

24. All my life I have dreamed of being a rock n’ roller. Lindsey Buckingham, Nine Inch Nails, Queens of the Stone Age and Dave Grohl just showed me how it’s done, with my jaw dropped the whole time. And I still hate the Grammys for cutting short the best performance of the night. But I’ll be watching again next year, and all the years after that. I can’t quit you, Grammys.