The first day of chemo was Tues. Oct. 12 at 6:45am.  I was scared, but hopeful.  I kept trying to look at it as, one down, five to go!  At this first treatment, we tried something called Cold Capping.  It's a way to possibly prevent hair loss.  Long story short - the caps are frozen in dry ice, negative 35 degrees, and then on your head for 15 minutes; changed throughout your entire day of chemo (so caps changed every 15 min for 9 hours).  We had good intentions, really we did.  But when my mom (who is a nurse and not much scares her) told me that my scalp was burning and it looked bad (and I could feel it), I said forget it, this is not for me!  I felt like I failed for a hot minute but then realized it was just one more thing on top of everything else I needed to do and think about.  I tried it, that's what matters right?!  

The first treatment was about 9 hours, which they did warn me about.  They said if they are able to push the Rituxin (the R in R-CHOP) through, the next 5 treatments won't be as long.  Guess who had a reaction to the Rituxin, the last drug of the day?  Yep, this girl!  Soooo.... now all treatments will last that long because it needs to be a slow drip.  

Pictures for you viewing pleasure... cold capping, passed out, my rockstar mom pulling my cooler of dry ice and caps which burnt my head  🥶

#ColdCapping #Chemo #CancerMom #CancerTeacher #FightCancer #CancerAwareness #LymphomaAwareness #NonHodgkinsLymphoma #CancerBlog

I'm having a hard time with the hair thing.  I know it's temporary and it's part of this journey, but as a woman, it's hard to watch it just fall out in clumps.  I ordered some soft cap/beanies and I just couldn't do it.  I tried one on and looked in the mirror... Nope!  There was this mental, emotional feeling that just was overwhelming.  I have no problem sharing my journey and I don't mind that people know I have cancer (hence this blog); it wasn't about that.  But it was more about the negative connotation that goes along with the scarves and beanies - it made me feel ill and terminal and I hated it.  I know so many people wear them, and it's a personal choice.  I just couldn't.  So, I did some looking on Amazon (my fave!).  I am a hat girl - that's pretty much my normal summer look while running the kids to swim practice, swim meets and spending time at the pool - hats!  So if you're looking for some fun hats, check this out: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/7AE3B35C-75C7-47D4-84B2-8F7751E283D8?ingress=2&visitId=ae25f92e-b23f-4224-91b6-475796b8cd40&ref_=ast_bln 

Another Full Moon Cleanse - I shared about these before, but man are they powerful!  And this one was a lunar eclipse on top of a full moon, so fascinating to me!  We grabbed another burn bundle of dried herbs and spices and wrote down the things that we want to release and let go of, the things that no longer serve us, and the the things we want to manifest instead.  There's no right or wrong way to do this, you just do it your way.  But the goal is to RELEASE all of the things that you no longer want and the things that no longer serve you in your life - grief, fear, anxiety, anger, anything you're feeling that isn't bringing you to your best personal self.  Let it go, like Elsa, but burn it!  ✨🌝🔥

Side note - do you see all of those orbs - yet another thing that is fascinating to me!  Every picture we took that night had orbs floating, but in different places...

Some of my faves!

Palo Santo Sticks

Smudge Kit

Snapchat for wig prep?

I know, it sounds ridiculous.  But when you're a woman and you lose your hair, there's something truly traumatic about it.  It sounds so vain, I know, but hear me out - imagine when you wash your hair or brush your hair that it not only sheds but it comes out in huge clumps.  It startles you.  It makes you cry.  And then it makes you feel like less of a woman.  For a little bit anyway.  Unless you've ever experienced what I am talking about, you can't truly understand the feeling.

My daughter wants me to get a pink wig, when the time comes.  I'm at the point of needing a wig; most of the hair on top of my head is gone, but I still have some in the back, it's super weird, like a mullet but without the hair on top... a skullet maybe?!

So in good fun, we checked out Snapchat, because, why not.  They have some amazingly pink wigs I think my daughter would approve of.  She really likes the tiara wig...  :)  Scroll through for a laugh!

Wig Day!

I heard about a local salon called Thanx Hair Artistry (in Reiffton).  The owner, Diane, is amazing!  For personal reasons, years ago, she became involved with supplying wigs for people who are going through chemo and are losing their hair.  

We went there yesterday (12-7) and had a consult with her.  She walked us through wig care, I tried on quite a few, and I ordered one.  She orders one wig for you, for FREE!  It's her personal service that she offers through her salon.  What a wonderful gift!  She said it's funded through the business and donations from her clients, it made my heart smile.

The new wig is now ordered and should be arriving next week, just in time for the holidays!  I also had to order a fun pink one for my daughter, so that will be next!  

If you or anyone you know if going through chemo and is in need of a wig, please have them check out Thanx Hair Artistry, Diane is truly an angel!  <3 

Today was the day I picked up my wig, courtesy of Thanx Hair Artistry.  I ordered a short one (pictured second) because it was the closest to my normal hair style; I've had my hair long before, but most recently had just chopped it so the hair loss wouldn't be as traumatic.  

I asked Addie if she wanted to come with me - she loves all things hair, makeup and beauty.  I knew she'd be my helper.  We went in and Diane told us that she ordered another wig too; so both my wig and this other wig were out for me to try on.  I went in thinking that I was going to get the one I ordered, it's shorter, easier, low maintenance.  However, Addie had other plans.  She was begging me to try on this new one - it's red!  I told her I felt like Ariel the mermaid, who just so happens to be my FAVORITE Disney princess ever - I still know every word to that movie!!  So Addie prepped me with the cap and I tried them both on, about ten times each haha!!  She kept saying, "Oh mommy come on it's so pretty, just do it!" haha!  I told you, she had her mind made up!

There was just something about this red wig - it was out of my comfort zone, it was FIERY red, making me feel kind of like this journey.  I read this quote a while ago that said "I survived because the fire within me burned brighter than the fire around me" (Josh Graham).  That's how I truly feel - such chaos around me, one thing after another.  But that fire, oh it burns.  I have big plans for when this is OVER.  I needed that red wig!  Scroll through to see our fun wig experience.

Thank you Diane at Thanx Hair Artistry for this wonderful gift!!  She was so great with Addie she played with her hair too and gave her extension clip in bangs!  Addie was in her glory!!  <3

Round 4 Here We Go!

Dec. 15 8am ...

We had our appointment with our oncologist before treatment, which is usually how it goes.  He was so excited to show us the PET scan images.  His words, "it's completely gone" but we still have some work to do.  I had my 4th round and everything went smoothly.  It was a loooong day though, about 9 hours.  My mom is a trooper, it's so boring to be the person to sit there with me, because I'm in and out of what I call my Benadryl nap.  Every time she or Adam take me, I just apologize for how boring it must be for them because I am not my talkative self, ha!

We were talking to the nurse about when it's time to ring the bell, to which I asked, "where is the bell anyway" and she literally turned around and said, "right there" - I stared at that thing all day.  Envisioning what that will look like in a little over a month!  She did say that kids under 13 are not permitted, but I am going to BEG anyway... I want my kids there.  They deserve to see me ring that bell!!  This has taken a toll on them and they deserve to see it!!  Persuasive mama bear Jill is on it!  <3

*Rockin' my Lewes, Delaware hat my aunt Jeanne & Uncle Dave sent me!  

#CancerBlog

Vulnerability...

Not everyone "gets" why I'm doing this, and that's ok.  I know I am very transparent and very open, and that's not for everyone.  Again, that's ok.

My amazing Assistant Superintendent, Dr. Lisa Hess, has shared resources and quotes from Brene Brown for quite some time now.  I dabbled into looking her up, following her on Twitter, Instagram, etc. and I always have loved how blunt she is.  I can relate!  Last night after my long chemo day, the kids were at swimming and the house was quiet, so I watched her Netflix special "Call to Courage", it was amazing!  I found myself laughing, crying, nodding my head, alllll the feels.

This quote really resonated with me.  There's something about being truly vulnerable, putting yourself out there regardless of what others say, regardless of the outcome (which you can't control anyway, and as a HIGH controller like me, that's some scary stuff!).  

The purpose of this blog was not to be in your face about what I'm going through or look for pity or sympathy - it's to help someone, anyone, anywhere, going through a similar experience.  Since sharing this news I've had quite a few friends reach out and ask me about it because they too were going through scary medical things.  This moment of being vulnerable is super scary... but if it helps someone else, that's all that matters.  Thanks for joining me on this journey.  <3

A different kind of Christmas...

These last few months have been so strange; the hustle and bustle is not the same, we haven't done too much outside of our home, and it just feels weird.   Mostly we have kept to our home because of trying to keep me safe - avoiding sickness and extra germs  that my body cannot handle.  But with that intention to keep me safe, comes a different price... feeling lonely, bored, and like we are doing nothing.

It's hard to see photos of what everyone else is up to, seeing all the fun traditions people are creating or continuing ( I know, I know, get over it, I am, hear me out).  But, there is a silver lining to that... at least I'm trying to find one.

I keep thinking of things I want to do next year during the holidays, things we didn't get to do from basically October to now.  Places we've never been, things we've never done, and experiences I want to have for not only myself and Adam but for Ben and Addie too.  I am hanging onto those future experiences to get me through these next few months while I wind down my chemo, boost my immune system back up and get well.

I've spent these last few months learning so much about myself, letting go of grief and pain, moving into a new body that appreciates and prioritizes myself, and I'm learning that things truly do happen for a reason.  

This quote spoke to me when I saw it.  It isn't just for the holidays, this has been my life for the past few months - slow down, simplify, believe good things will happen and search for peace, tranquility and calm.

I wish you all the most magical holiday season, filled with laughter, love and joy, surrounded by the people you love, because truly, there is nothing better than that!  <3 Jill

Boostin' Up!

Today I got my booster shot.  I was really nervous about it, not because shots bother me or anything, but because I am being really superstitious I think.  I've had both of the other doses of the vaccine (pre cancer diagnosis) and I was fine.  I think I'm just feeling like alllll the things I'm doing are keeping me on the path of beating this thing and I don't want something to mess it up!

But here's to science, here's to medicine, here's to ending this COVID thing and hoping that this booster protects me while I finish up my treatments.  With all the exposures my children have had, I have been very lucky this far.  We are doing our part!

💉😷💪

My friend Brooke sent this to me and WOW did it resonate...

Social media... ah she's a tricky little thing isn't she?!  I know so many people who try so hard to keep up with other people because everyone is posting their highlight reel on these channels.  Let's be honest, we don't post things that make us look bad, we post the best of what's happening.  And that's great, it really is!  I do it too!

But let's be honest, sometimes we compare.  It's hard not to.  But really, what does that get us?!  NOTHING!   

So as you see people post things about their yearly recap or they post their goals for 2022, just remember, you aren't them, you don't have their experiences, their baggage, or their life.  Take what you see with a grain of salt.  It's not all unicorns and rainbows, even for the people posting amazingly glam posts.  

I've always tried to be someone who doesn't care about what others think (I have my moments, I'm human), but I do try.  If this experience has taught me anything, it's that you have to be true to yourself, be you, be different, be weird, who cares!  There's only one you, be true to it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I am usually a HUGE proponent of making goals, resolutions, and kicking off the new year with some serious ambition.  Not that I don't feel that this year, but it's different.  I have goals, I have ambition, but it's so different than it normally is...

Over the last 3 months, I have learned so much.  I have learned and explored things that I never would have if it weren't for this new journey I'm on.  I've learned more about reiki, acupuncture, spirituality, and astrology, I've written more in this short time frame than I have in years, I've learned how to meditate and use visualization for manifestation, and I've learned how to truly release old feelings and emotions that were doing more damage to me than I realized.

I still have goals for this year, but they're different now.  Every year I create a vision board and I create a board that shows everything I want in that next year.  Looking back on old boards, there were so many things I was working for that were related to work, titles, etc.  And at the time, those goals were perfect for where I was in my life.  After I created my board for this year I realized that this board didn't include one work related goal, and for the first time in a long time, I'm ok with that.

Now it's my turn.  That's hard to say, and I think many other women can agree; we don't usually put ourselves first.  But this year, it's a priority, it's a must, my overall health depends on it.  My focus is me, my health, my mental well being, my continued healing.  If those things aren't a priority, then I can't give myself to my family, my friends, my students.  This year, the focus is just different, and for once, I'm ok with that... 

*Thank you to my sister for sending this to me <3

These last few weeks have been a mix of emotions.  I just finished round #5 of chemo, only one more to go!  Although I feel so excited about only having one more round to go, there's that part of me that is scared that once treatments stop, will I still be ok?  It's like this battle in my brain - the meds help, we need them, what happens when treatment is over, will it come back?!

I have been doing so many other things to heal my body and I know those things are just as important.  So my plan is to keep doing those things and keep working on my mental, spiritual and physical healing equally.   It's just a scary place to be... the What Ifs creep in and try to take over.  I can't let them...

#CancerMom #CancerTeacher #FightCancer #CancerAwareness #LymphomaAwareness #NonHodgkinsLymphoma #CancerBlog

In the last month, I have lost two friends to cancer.  Both women had very different types of cancer and while everyone's journey with this disease is different, I can't help but be angry and want to scream how much I HATE CANCER!

I try very hard to be positive and be strong, letting only good vibes come in and out; but let's be real, some people survive this diagnosis and continue to live a long, healthy life, while others do not.

While everyone's story is different, while everyone's journey takes them on a path made just for them, it's still hard.  I am trying so very hard to remember the positive things about these two women - their strength yet their gentle nature, their smiles (such big, beautiful smiles), what amazing wives and mothers they both were, and how much I can learn from them, even though they are not here anymore.  

While my story has been different thus far, and I pray that my story does not end here, I am truly learning to take those lessons and live.  💞😇✨

#AngelsWatchingOverMe #CancerBlog

When the moon is almost full and it's snowing, it's a perfect time to cleanse!  So many people have asked me about this and I can't say enough wonderful things about a full moon cleanse.  There's something about burning and letting go of all that does not serve you anymore.  Here's a basic rundown of what, where, when, and why:

What & Where:  a full moon cleanse; outside preferably or inside with candles -  up to you!

When - the night of a full moon, or the night before or after (3 day window)

How: Write down all the things you wish to LET GO of, all the things that do not serve you anymore; the act of writing it alone is very cathartic; then BURN IT!

Why:  Release all the things that no longer serve you, things that bother you or are giving you feelings of grief, sadness, anxiety, frustration, anger, etc.  Why would you want to hold on to that?  Don't.. burn it!

January 17, 2022 - the moon is full and in Cancer, it's also a Wolf Moon.  ENJOY! 🌝♋🔭💫

Some of my faves:

Palo Santo Sticks

Smudge Kit

Look at these beauties!  Not only are they gorgeous to look at, but they do serve a purpose.  After being diagnosed, I promised myself to be open and try anything.  I'm typically an open person anyway, and there are lots of things I was interested in or found intriguing, but never had the time to dive in.  Astrology, meditating, and crystal healing were three of those things.  I have been digging into astrology and learning about my natal chart, my sign, my path, and more about myself.  I started meditating about two months ago and I absolutely love it!  I stumbled upon a video about crystals and became so intrigued, I had to keep learning!  Crystals, like everything else, are made of energy.  Each crystal has a healing property that can then be used while you meditate or set intentions.  I have been using these while I meditate and think about the intentions I am setting for everything in my life - health, well-being, family goals, professional goals, and anything I want to manifest.  To some, this sounds crazy.  To me, this is another way to focus on what I want, and not what I don't want.  If you're interested in learning more about crystals, this is my favorite channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/CosmicIntuition 

Some of my FAVE crystals:

Natural Crystal Set

Amethyst

Clear Quartz

Aragonite Cluster

Sunstone Star Cluster

✨🪨🔭💫 #CancerMom #CancerTeacher #FightCancer #CancerAwareness #LymphomaAwareness #NonHodgkinsLymphoma #CrystalsForCancer #CrystalHealing #CancerBlog

I'm a huge Taylor Swift fan, always have been.  I'm also someone who connects easily to music and can find meaning in lyrics, even if the song is about something else.  If you know Taylor's song "Out of the Woods," you'd know the chorus:

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

In the clear yet, good!

I heard this song today and I immediately thought, this is what I think about daily - am I out of the woods yet, am I in the clear, is everything going to be ok?!

As I look ahead to the month of March and the endless appointments and tests, I am eager to find out if I'm out of the woods, in remission and in the clear.  Hopefully these "monsters turned out to be just trees" and I'm on a clearer path ahead.  🌲🌲🌲

#TaylorSwiftFan #CancerMom #CancerTeacher #FightCancer #CancerAwareness #LymphomaAwareness #NonHodgkinsLymphoma #LymphomaAwareness #CancerCantHaveMe #CancerPickedTheWrongChick #CancerBlog

I truly believe that people are brought into your life for a reason...

I have been getting therapeutic massages for about 10 years, maybe more!  Bonnie, this amazing woman to your left, has always been so helpful, so insightful and always spot on!  After my diagnosis in September, Bonnie suggested Reiki instead of massage.  I had NO idea what that really was.  My mom had gone for Reiki before, so all I really knew was that it's all about energy, and they don't touch you.  I thought, how can that be relaxing or even do anything?!  Well...

My first session of Reiki was so incredibly emotional, I cried, a lot.  It brought up a lot of stuck emotions, things that were in there for a really long time.  But with Bonnie's help, she explained things that I never thought of, and she told me that a lot of what I was carrying, wasn't even mine.  I am an empath, not just empathetic, a true empath.  I hold onto other peoples' energy and it affects me, deeply.  

I've now had quite a few sessions of Reiki and I love the cleansing feeling of releasing that energy and feeling refreshed.  This led me to wanting to learn more about the chakras, the metaphysical healing properties of crystals, I've continued acupuncture, and I have continued to meditate.  This experience of trying Reiki was just amazing to me.  So much so, that my mom and I decided to learn more and become certified in Reiki Level 1.  I did it for me, for my own healing.  

It's been an incredible part of my healing journey and I am so excited to continue learning more about it and how it can continue to help me, cancer and beyond!

Thank you Bonnie!!  ✨😘

It's been almost 6 months since I've been in my classroom.  I've been anticipating this and constantly wondering: how will I feel, how will it feel to see my colleagues again, to see my students again, how will everyone else interpret my new look, my head wraps, my bald head, how will this go?!

Yesterday I went back to school, not because I had to, but because I wanted to.  The staff had inservice, no students, and I decided to go in and meet with my team and my colleagues to help get things ready for my return.  If my scans are all clear next week, I will return to teaching on April 1 - no jokes here, ha!  🤣

Yesterday was not only good for my soul, but it truly made me feel like things were moving in the right direction and that I am on my way!  There were tons of hugs, smiles, tears, laughs, and a sense of belonging.  Cancer and COVID were a wicked combo, I never felt so alone and isolated in my life!  But yesterday reminded me that I am on my way out of that chapter, and ready for the next.  These last few months have taught me so much, and the true appreciation I have for a job that I love was one of them.  I always knew I loved what I did, but yesterday solidified that so much more, and I am so grateful for the amazing group of teachers and administrators that have supported me during this time.

Get ready kiddos, Mrs. Lynch is coming back!  

💪🎉✨

Lake Life

Last year, before we knew that our lives were about to be turned upside down, we decided to take a new vacation - a trip to the lake!  We rented a house on airbnb and the entire Lynch crew, and 2 pups, were lake bound.  This trip was so relaxing, and much needed!  We stayed at the house and just hung out, ate lots of food, kayaked, fished, swam, wandered, and recharged.  It happened to be a full moon while we were there, so of course we had to do a full moon cleansing burn.  We woke up early and drank coffee while Barkley swam, stalked deer, and chased geese.  We spent quality time together and had a blast!  It was such a fun experience and we can't wait to do it again! 

 🚣‍♀️☀️🎣🌙🔥🥰

This Wednesday is another full moon - this time, a Full Buck Moon!  This moon is the biggest supermoon of the year.

I've shared that the moon has always fascinated me, I don't know why, but even as a kid, I have always been the type of person that says "OH look at the moon!"  🌙

I have been purposeful in my full moon cleansing rituals (see posts above) and have tried to use this energy to my advantage.  Some people think it's crazy, but to each their own.  My friend Tricia gave me this book called Moon Magic, which I started reading at the beach, such a great read!  And my friend Corinne gifted me this book Moon Lists along with this smudge stick, which I will be using tomorrow to cleanse this house!!

I've shared that I've also been using crystals these past few months as a way to harness my energy, focus on manifesting what I want, and utilizing their metaphysical properties.  I found this gorgeous crystal tree of life (amethyst and amazonite) at the beach.  It was calling to me... I had to have it!!

This moon is called a Buck Moon.  Although the cardinal is my sign from my dad, the buck is the second reminder in nature that he is with me.  And after losing my uncle last week (see post above), that will remind me of him too!  

So get out there this Wed. July 13, gaze at the gorgeous full super buck moon, make some intentions about what you want for your life moving forward, and remember, if it calls to you to try it, who cares what someone else thinks.  I sure don't!  💞🌙🦌

For more info about this supermoon, click here

Side note - my husband got me this Three Minute Positivity Journal for my birthday, I am loving it so far!💕  

Some of my faves:

Palo Santo Sticks

Smudge Kit

Since the beginning of this journey, I've shared all the things I've been doing to try to keep myself strong and healthy.  I wanted to share another important part of my healing...

I've been to PT before, many times.  Over the last few years with having major headaches as well as back pain, I've tried PT in various places.  I have a bulging disc, spondylolysis, as well as disc degenerative disease (thanks dad, ha).   

Last summer when I saw Holly (my amazing PA) and my headaches were out of control, she sent me to PT.  I was hesitant, because, been there, done that.  But my husband had just recently started PT as well because he threw his back out and also had a bulging disc.  I know, I know, we're a pair!  He said he was loving this new place that just opened up near us, and he thought I would like it there.  So I went...

I can't even begin to explain what PT here at Phoenix has done for me.  I started going for headaches and back pain, but soon after being diagnosed with cancer then in Sept., I had to stop immediately.  We didn't know what my treatment plan would look like and we didn't know if my body could handle PT during chemo.    

After finishing chemo in January, I tried to slowly start rebuilding my strength and stamina, because I knew I'd be heading back to work.  Holly agreed that it was a good move, so back to PT I went!  I was welcomed with open arms, it was like I never left!  

The crew here at Phoenix is just incredible.   Bobby, who I typically work with, is very knowledgeable and caring.  He listens, he takes you seriously (although we joke a lot), but you feel like you're being heard.  After feeling like I was not being heard for so long, it's refreshing to know that this team cares about what you think and need, and they do their absolute best to work with you, craziness and all!  

Cancer is not a once and done thing.  It took a huge toll on my body and my mind.  Some days Bobby needs to remind me to get out of my own head and knock it off, because I'm working hard to rebuild everything, from scratch.  Thank you Dr. Bobby and the Phoenix Staff - you have truly helped me heal!💪🎗️

We're coming up on some anniversaries, for lack of a better word, of things I'd like to not remember or celebrate...

Last July 29 (which also happens to be my niece's and brother-in-law's birthday) I went to see my PA for the first time.  I was having massive headaches and I could tell my BP was super high.  I knew my dr. had retired so I'd be seeing someone new, but what I didn't know was that a storm of tests, procedures, and diagnoses was about to wreak havoc and she was about to save my life.  That day she immediately put me on BP meds and started ordering tests, to which my insurance denied, but she fought to get them approved and scheduled as soon as possible.  That took us down the rabbit hole to my diagnosis on Sept. 22.

As the next two months roll out, I know there's going to be anxiety, I can feel it already.  I am still fighting the remnants of having COVID a few weeks ago ( I REEEAALLLY didn't think it was going to last this long, Paxlovid rebound, that's a real thing!), but any small ache or pain puts me right back in that moment from a year ago.  Is my headache from COVID or am I sick again?  Is this pain in my back muscular or are my kidneys unhealthy again?  Why am I so tired, is my body just still recovering after chemo and now COVID, or is something else wrong?  It's going to be this ping pong match for a while I think.  But as I said before, post-traumatic stress disorder, yeah, it's real.  It's so hard to explain to people who haven't had to deal with something like this, but I do the best I can to explain my thoughts, my fears, and why I am struggling.

To add another layer to this, school starts again in 2 weeks (in-service, then kiddos start Aug. 22!).  While I am excited to be back, there's this weird, eerie feeling.  I didn't put it together at first but have to come to realize that I think the reason I feel somewhat anxious about school is because the new classroom that I'm in, was new at the same time everything came crashing down with my health.  It's so hard to disassociate things, but I am trying... 

I'm trying hard to stay positive and give myself the time and space I need to heal, feel well after COVID and regroup, but it's hard.    We're hoping to make some new memories these next few months, not to try to erase what happened, but to celebrate being healthy and moving on.  🎗️💪🌊

 Fearless...

How serendipitous.  I haven't had the time to blog lately, you know, life.  But I am sitting at the car dealership waiting for some work to be done, and I thought it would be the perfect time to blog.  I was sitting looking through my previous posts and thinking about where I've been and what's next.  Over the speakers in the dealership, this song comes on that I can immediately recognize, but it's not a super popular song.  The song is Fearless by the Goo Goo Dolls.  My friend Chrissy sent this song to me back when I was first diagnosed and I listened to it so many times, such amazing lyrics!

This holiday season was filled with a lot of emotions.  Last year at this time I was a depressed hermit, I didn't go anywhere because my body couldn't handle the germs and I just needed to be safe.  But these last two weekends have been filled with tons of family time - my sister's surprise 50th bday celebration, out of state family visiting, Christmas eve traditions, Christmas day dinner, and a brunch yesterday - filled with family we don't typically get to see, family that we do see often, lots of surprises,  laughs, and hugs.  It was MUCH needed for my soul.

Last week I also had my follow-up with my amazing oncologist, Dr. Rettew.  I had an echocardiogram to make sure that chemo didn't hurt my heart, it was clean!  My routine bloodwork looks good and my levels are improving, and my appointment went well.  We'll continue to follow up every 3 months until 2 years, then we'll slowly start to space them out.   

I am learning that this process of healing is quite complex.  One day you might feel amazing, and the next you question every slight ailment and imperfection your body displays.   Some days you feel like a superhero who just saved the world, and other days you feel like you need the saving.   I'm learning, well trying anyway, to be patient with myself.  I threw myself right back into work and normal life as a busy wife and mom, and some days that's great for me.  On other days, I need to slow down and remind myself that it's ok to have a slow day,  say no to things, work on me, and take the time to make me a priority.  It's not always easy, but it's a process.  I am a type A perfectionist who likes things to happen NOW, and that is NOT how this works.  It's been a learning experience for me, that's for sure!

I know too many people who have not had the second chance that I have been given, and I do not take that privilege lightly.  It's time to be fearless!

#CancerMom #CancerTeacher #FightCancer #CancerAwareness #LymphomaAwareness #NonHodgkinsLymphoma #LymphomaAwareness #CancerCantHaveMe #CancerPickedTheWrongChick #CancerBlog 💪🎗️💞

Channeling my inner Rachel...

It's a long story, but I dressed like Rachel today for a video that we made at school.  We're all Friends here, right?  "I'll be there for you" ... come on you know you want to sing it!

Friends has always been my favorite show!  I will tell you though, when I was first diagnosed and I was feeling sorry for myself and just sat in my living room, I binged Friends all over again from start to finish.  I feel like after watching it again, I love those characters even more.  We can learn a LOT from our Friends:

If I could, I'd dress like Rachel.  But I love how she turns from a spoiled brat into an independently fierce woman.  She needs her friends, but she's grown into a strong woman all her own.

I like to eat like Joey.  Joey doesn't share food! (sometimes I don't either, hahah!)  But Joey also has a huge heart.  Love like Joey.

Oh Monica.  I clean like Monica.   Too bad I can't cook like her, just ask my husband.

Chandler.  LAUGH like Chandler.  Life isn't always funny, but you have to make jokes where you can or you'll be eaten alive.  I had to find ways to make fun of the situation and make light of it or I knew it would kill me.

Phoebe.  LIVE like Phoebe, not a care in the world.  LIVE LIFE to the FULLEST!  Just picture Phoebe running... 

And Ross, such a goof, a true nerd, (I love embracing my inner nerd, I love to learn new things).  But love like Ross too.  Huge heart, so much passion.

My friends definitely helped me through chemo and those long days of just sitting and waiting.  This will forever be my favorite show!

Lynch Crew is on Lake Time

Last year we made the promise to do as many fun things as we can, because well, life is too short!  The Lynch Crew took a trip to the Poconos and enjoyed some lake time; we loved it so much last year that we decided to do it again this year!

I can't begin to tell you what escaping your daily surroundings can do for you!  Even if you aren't going through something big, it's just so good for your soul to recharge and reenergize before heading back to your real world.  

To me the lake reminds me so much of my childhood.  My grandparents had a cabin on Lake Wallenpaupack that we'd visit every summer.  We would fish, cook out, explore, go on the boat, and go water skiing and tubing.  It was so much fun!  Being near water has always been so magical for me.  While I didn't swim in this lake (it was way too cold for me, ha!) I enjoyed just being near the water.  I woke the girls up one morning to watch the sunrise, the boys fished, we laughed, played games, and had a blast!  

This place, it's peaceful, it's calm, there's no hustle and bustle of the real world, and you can just be.    🏕️🎣🔆

It doesn't matter how many years it's been, it doesn't matter how old I am, I still miss him every single day...

We left for our lake trip the day before what would have been my dad's birthday (June 12).  

The first day there, I remember sitting and just staring out into the lake (which was always HIS happy place) and saying to him - "just show me a sign you're still around" - I hadn't felt the connection lately.  I felt like he was slipping away.  

The next morning, June 13, I woke the girls up to watch the sunrise.  It was beautiful.  They were tired and they all went back inside, I stayed outside, drank my coffee, and just talked to my dad.  My husband soon joined me and we just sat there enjoying nature.  Out of nowhere, this sweet doe pops around the corner.  She let me get very close to her and Adam snapped this photo.  

I was in awe.  I knew it was him.  I knew that was his sign.  I believe that he's still there watching over us and making sure we're ok.  But what I wouldn't give to have him here for just five minutes... to tell him everything!

It was also perfect that the birdhouse right by the back door was red and had a cardinal on it.  I see you dad.  😇💞

My Happy Place!

The beach has always been my happy place, hands down!  I have always loved water, I love the hot sun, my toes in the sand, and the sound of the waves crashing over and over.

This year we had our 9th annual Wildwood beach vacation - 6 adults, 5 kids, hours of beach and pool time, games and laughter, and some new adventures this year.  We checked out the Cape May Zoo - where I found a cow that celebrated my birthday AND my name - how random!  The kids did some golfing, we checked out new restaurants, and celebrated my birthday with Taco Tuesday.  The girls and I went out to see the sunrise, we searched for shells, we walked and talked, and just enjoyed each other.

Being with this wild bunch does something for my soul.  We can get on each others' nerves real fast, but we love each other fiercely.  This trip meant a lot this year.  We had great things to celebrate and enjoyed our time together!  ⛱️☀️💦🔆

Scanxiety... what is it?  It's when you go to get a scan and your anxiety kicks in and you completely lose your mind.  Sounds fun, right?!

Honestly, though, it's a thing.  I am certain I have PTSD.  When I go into the McGlinn Center, or to get a scan, or even simple bloodwork - going in causes anxiety, coming out there's a little less, then when the My Chart app dings with a result, forget it!  

I had my 3 month follow-up, which went well.  I had 2 IV iron infusions last month and those went well.  I have been having some back pain again, so we did an ultrasound which looks great.  

I had to wear my Ted Lasso BELIEVE shirt because it just made sense.  Thanks to the hubs for the shirt.  Ted Lasso - If you know, you know!  #BELIEVE #TedLasso #CancerMom #CancerTeacher #FightCancer #CancerAwareness #LymphomaAwareness #NonHodgkinsLymphoma #LymphomaAwareness #CancerCantHaveMe #CancerPickedTheWrongChick #CancerBlog

My brother-in-law Chris asked if we wanted to go to the beach for the day.  Um, yes please!  I will go to the beach ANY chance I get!

We went to OCNJ for the day - stopped at Uncle Bill's for some fuel, hit the beach, swam for hours, and then grabbed some pizza, crab fries, and ice cream on the boardwalk.  I found not one, but TWO stores that were called Jilly's, I had to stop for a photo session, ha!

The waves were a bit rough, but the water was actually quite warm.  We spent hours jumping waves and just bobbing around in the ocean.  A few times I just floated and let the waves carry me a bit.  Adam asked me if I was having a Lieutenant Dan moment, to which I of course said, yes!  

I just let the water wash over me, listened to the sounds of the waves, let the sun hit my face, and said to myself over and over - I am healthy, I am healthy.

The beach is so good for my soul, I think I might be a mermaid?!🔆💦🧜‍♀️🌊

Sometimes we think we know what we are supposed to be doing with our lives, and sometimes we have no clue.

Just when I think I have a handle on the "what is my life's purpose" battle that goes on in my head like every other day, something comes out of nowhere and I am blown away.

While I have loved every single second of working in my current building, teaching K-4 (500+ kiddos), it's time to move on.

I was recently offered a position in another district.  I didn't see this coming and I didn't anticipate moving to another school.  But when things started to unfold, it just felt right, for a lot of reasons...  I truly believe that when things happen like that, effortlessly, you have to try it.  I am not afraid to try new things and I am not afraid to change my path.

Here's to new friendships, new students, new goals, and new adventures!  

Book #2 is FINISHED!

Look at this sweet boy... spoiled isn't even scratching the surface, now he's got his own book?!

Being Barkley came from such a weird experience.  During COVID when everything was shut down, my kids were so bored.  I tried to get them to do something creative.  We ended up writing a story about our puppy Barkley.

The kids and I pulled photos that we thought represented him well, put them into a Google slideshow presentation, the kids drew their own illustrations to match, and I wrote the story. 

Months later while I was teaching first grade, back in person, I shared this story with my class.  They laughed so hard and asked every single day if I'd read it again.  It became a classroom fave instantly!

I thought, maybe I have something here?  I asked my friend Joe if he'd be up for another book collab, and here we are!  Being Barkley is now available on Amazon.  It still blows my mind that you can do that now!  

This sweet boy to the left hasn't been feeling well lately.  He was just diagnosed with Lyme Disease.  We love him so much, we hope he'll be ok and ready to chase those squirrels again soon and bark at everything and anything, just like he does in his story.  🐶💕 Being Barkley

December 2023... time to shift

Like many others right now, I have been sick for what feels like forever.  I have had pneumonia for about 2 months and it's kicking my butt.  I made a promise to myself that during my holiday break from school that I would spend time taking care of myself and focusing on what I want to do, not what everyone else wants me to do.  Usually I am the entertainer and camp counselor, ha!

We had a three day marathon of family get-togethers and it was a blast!  But now I'm exhausted!

I spent this last week of December wrapping up the month doing things that all happened to align at the same time, without purposeful planning.  I spent time reading, got a massage, shopped for some new crystals, explored tarot a bit more, had an astrological reading (HOW COOL!), and did a full moon burn (in the rain).  

I've been journaling tons this week and realized that there is just so much more to me that hasn't been shared.  There's that saying - if the book you want to read isn't out there, you need to write it.  Well, I don't think I am feeling the need to write another book, but I think I am feeling the need to share my story in another way.

I came across this quote the other day, and it really hit me.  I am 43 years old.  I am tired of doing what other people want me to do.  I have lived a life that has had extreme grief, loss, trauma, and stress.  2024 is going to be different... embrace your weird, embrace your uniqueness, that's why you're here in the first place!

"Every year you make a resolution to change yourself.  This year, make a resolution to be yourself." 

It's New Year's Eve...

Looking back on the last year, I can't help but be somewhat irritated.  Irritated about the things that didn't go well, the things I should have said, the things I should have done, or the things I should have just let go.

Let's be honest, we all feel it occasionally and are guilty of letting those negative emotions get the best of us.  We're human.  But when I dig deep and look at the things that irritated me, there are of course some lessons there:

I will not deplete myself to make other people happy.  I am human as well and I will take care of myself, regardless of what others want from me.  I can't pour from an empty cup.  

I will always fight for what I think is just.  Not everyone will agree or see eye to eye, but I will protect my family at all costs.  At ALL costs.

I refuse to make myself small to accommodate the egos of others just so they can feel comfortable.  Done.

I will be 44 this year.  The last decade of my life has brought the sudden loss of a parent, the loss of jobs and businesses, financial stress,  a pandemic, a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, mental health awareness, and experiences that most cannot fathom.  Which brings me to this...

2023 and prior - thank you for the lessons.

2024 - I am freaking ready!