Inner Child Therapy

Working with the inner child can be essential to the journey to understanding yourself? Our deepest wounds are frequently carried by the child within.These wounds create tensions, blockages, or contractions within our hearts, minds, and bodies. And when we’re contracted, we become trapped in a tightly-bound separate self who feels alone and desperate.As you may (or may not) already know,the ego is the source of our suffering as it creates the illusion that we’re cut off from our True Nature.   

When our inner child is stuck in pain, it fuels this contracted ego. And so, inner child work is a vital practice on the journey, for, with it, we heal, evolve, and awaken.Inner child work is the process of contacting, understanding, embracing, and healing your inner child. Your inner child represents your first original self that entered into this world; s/he contains your capacity to experience wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity, and playfulness.Unfortunately, we live in a society that forces us to repress our inner child and “grow up.” But the truth is that while most adults physically “grown-up,” they never quite reach emotional or psychological adulthood

In other words,most “grown-ups” aren’t really adults at all.This leaves most people in a state of  fear, anger, and traumas that fester away in the unconscious mind for decades.When we deny and snuff out the voice of the child within we accumulate heavy psychological baggage. This unexplored and unresolved baggage causes us to experience problems such as mental illnesses, physical ailments, and relationship dysfunction.In fact,it could be said that the lack of conscious relatedness to our own inner child is one of the major causes of the severe issues we see in today’s society. 

From the brutal way we treat the environment, to the cruel way we talk to ourselves, we have become completely separated from our original innocence.One thing:learning to work with your inner child isn’t about becoming childish again, itis about reconnecting with your childLIKE side.In other words, there is a big difference between being childish and childlike 

Healthy Inner Child vs Wounded Inner Child

In the book “Homecoming,” John Bradshaw uses the acronym “WONDERFUL” to represent the natural traits of the healthy Inner Child.

WONDERFUL – Healthy Inner Child

Wonder           Everything is interesting and exciting.

Optimism        To be able to be positive, open and trusting.

Naivete            Innocent and docile, which fosters learning.

Dependence  Needs others for learning development in the process of maturing and ripening.

Emotions         Laughter and weeping, it’s natural for children to see the humor in an array of things, that                         natural child is allowed to weep and express sadness.

Resilience       The ability to bounce back from the stress induced by the environment.

Free Play         A natural sense of freedom, when they feel safe and move with spontaneity.

Uniqueness    Sense of special unified wholeness.

Love              Naturally predisposed to love and display affection.

We all deserve to live a happy, complete and fulfilled life. When we feel safe and loved, our wonderful Inner Child is free to interact in this world.

Wounded Inner Child

When we are emotionally wounded from the past, parts of our emotional maturity are delayed and stuck in childhood, even when we have physically matured to our chronological age. As adults, we feel disconnected from life, resentful, hurt, angry, and lonely. Our pain will manifest itself in various manners.

We may not have been disciplined and had very little structure, or we were over-disciplined. As a result, emotional regulation is difficult; we are prone to breakdowns and fits of anger, or we learned our feelings were bad and suppressed them. If we weren’t emotionally validated or felt loved as children, we become prone to codependency and, at the opposite end of the same spectrum, narcissism.

In the book “Homecoming,” John Bradshaw uses the acronym CONTAMINATE to illustrate the many ways how the wounded Inner Child contaminates our adult life.

CONTAMINATE – Wounded Inner Child

Codependence When we feel our worth depends on another person, loss of identity does not know who we really are, tend to have an outward false self. 

Offender Behavior , Commit offences and divert responsibilities of actions (i.e. Hilter, sexual offenders, etc.)

Narcissistic Disorders The insatiable craving for love, attention, and affection from others.

Trust Issues A deep sense of distrust, the world is a dangerous, hostile, unpredictable place.

Acting Out/Acting in Behaviors   Acting Out: Act out our childhood parental relationships (i.e. If our mother was abused, we seek partners to abuse or are abusive). Acting In: We act out what we told as children, and we punish ourselves (i.e. If we told we were stupid, we tell ourselves that as adults).

Magical Beliefs   Illogical and fairy tale thinking; money solves all issues, if this person leaves me – I’ll die, only a partner will complete me.

Intimacy Dysfunctions    Being involved in the push and pull relationships. Not knowing how to spot or cultivate real intimacy.

Non-disciplined behaviors, over- whatever; sex, eating, spending, drinking, etc, not being a responsible adult

Addictive/ Compulsive Behaviors  Activity addictions (i.e. work, shopping, gambling, sex, etc.), cognitive addictions (i.e. overthinking, theorizing) and feeling addictions (i.e. rage outbursts, emotional breakdowns)

Thought disorders  Not being able to separate thoughts and feelings (i.e. If I feel guilty, I must be a bad person). Having several emotional triggers. 

Emptiness  Feeling nothing or feeling in a state of depression most of the time, depression, apathy

This Inner Child work is NOT a quick fix. It's a healing process that can be painful. We can begin that process together. I would suggest you purchase the Book, Homecoming, Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child and begin reading and doing the exercises.