You will need:
A jar.
Pompoms.
That's it!
This tool is used to shift the focus of behaviour management to a more positive approach concentrating on what your child's strengths are, as well as only acknowledging desired behaviours.
Each time you 'catch' your child doing something good, they get a pompom to add to the jar. The greater the good deed, the larger the pompom. The idea is that you reward the child when you see them doing something good on their own, when they made a good decision, did a good deed and so on. Once the jar is full the child is rewarded with a positive, family focused, activity of their choosing. A family movie night, a visit to the trampoline or amusement park, an outing to the zoo, whatever the reward be sure to let the child make the final decision. Choosing the activity ahead of time is a great motivator for the child while working towards filling the jar.
When first introducing the concept of the jar to the child, it is a good idea to explain what it is for, while also keeping the narrative positive. You may wish to say something like,
Lately I have been noticing what a wonderful job you have been doing all on your own. I have seen that you have been working very hard to improve your actions and behaviours. In fact, because you have been doing such a good job it has been hard for me to keep track! I am going to use this jar to help remind us of all the good things you are doing. Each time I catch you doing something good for yourself or someone else, I am going to give you a pompom to add to this jar. When it is full we will do something special together, as a family, to celebrate all of your hard work and accomplishments.
What would you like to do together once the jar is full?
You may wish to make suggestions based on your child's interests to give them a little inspiration, but ultimately let the decision be theirs. In the beginning it is best to aim to fill the jar quickly, by trying to 'catch' them often. This may sound impossible, but trust me once that first pompom goes into the jar they will be motivated to add more! Filling the jar within the first week is a great starting point. This will allow the child to see the benefits of their positive-actions, while also empowering them to continue to use all of the strengths they have, both of which will motivate them moving forward. As they become more familiar with the concept you can increase the size of the jar or decrease the size of the pompoms, so that it takes longer to fill. Whatever you decide, just be sure to keep the focus only on the positive behaviours.
Some examples of catching a child 'doing good' may include:
"I noticed you hung up your jacket and backpack all by yourself."
"I really liked it when you helped your sister pick up her toys."
"I saw that when you were building your tower and it fell over, and even though it upset you, you never gave up, you tried again, that is amazing!"
"It was so kind of you to share the last cookie with your brother."
"You did a great job of recognizing that you were becoming frustrated and choosing to calm down with a book."
"I am proud of you for asking for help when you needed it."
"I see that you are really working hard on your homework."
"The dogs really seemed to enjoy playing with you outside."
"You got out of bed right away today, you are very motivated!"
"I noticed that you held the door for the woman at the grocery store, that was very kind."
"It was amazing the way you supported your sister by listening to her while she shared her feelings when she was upset."
"You are so polite. Thank you for using your manners."
"I see you have a lot of respect for your things and have been choosing to keep your room so clean, that is wonderful!"
(Clayton, 2021)