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Friend, either you're closing your eyes
Friend, either you're closing your eyes
To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge
To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
By the presence of a pool table in your community
By the presence of a pool table in your community
Well, Ya got trouble, my friend, right here
Well, Ya got trouble, my friend, right here
I say, trouble right here in River City
I say, trouble right here in River City
Why sure I'm a billiard player
Why sure I'm a billiard player
Certainly mighty proud I say
Certainly mighty proud I say
I'm always mighty proud to say it
I'm always mighty proud to say it
I consider that the hours I spend
I consider that the hours I spend
With a cue in my hand are golden
With a cue in my hand are golden
Help you cultivate horse sense
Help you cultivate horse sense
And a cool head and a keen eye
And a cool head and a keen eye
Jever' take and try to find
Jever' take and try to find
An iron-clad leave for yourself
An iron-clad leave for yourself
From a three-rail billiard shot?
From a three-rail billiard shot?
But just as I say
But just as I say
It takes judgment, brains, and maturity to score
It takes judgment, brains, and maturity to score
In a balkline game
In a balkline game
I say that any boob can take
I say that any boob can take
And shove a ball in a pocket
And shove a ball in a pocket
And I call that sloth
And I call that sloth
The first big step on the road
The first big step on the road
To the depths of deg-ra-Day--
To the depths of deg-ra-Day--
I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon
I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon
Then beer from a bottle
Then beer from a bottle
An' the next thing ya know
An' the next thing ya know
Your son is playin' for money
Your son is playin' for money
In a pinch-back suit
In a pinch-back suit
And list'nin to some big out-a-town jasper
And list'nin to some big out-a-town jasper
Hearin' him tell about horse-race gamblin'
Hearin' him tell about horse-race gamblin'
Not a wholesome trottin' race, no!
Not a wholesome trottin' race, no!
But a race where they set down right on the horse!
But a race where they set down right on the horse!
Like to see some stuck-up jockey'boy
Like to see some stuck-up jockey'boy
Settin' on Dan Patch? Make your blood boil?
Settin' on Dan Patch? Make your blood boil?
Well, I should say
Well, I should say
Now, Friends, lemme tell you what I mean
Now, Friends, lemme tell you what I mean
Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table
Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table
Pockets that mark the diff'rence
Pockets that mark the diff'rence
Between a gentlemen and a bum
Between a gentlemen and a bum
With a capital "B"
With a capital "B"
And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool!
And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool!
And all week long your River City
And all week long your River City
Youth'll be fritterin' away
Youth'll be fritterin' away
I say your young men'll be fritterin'!
I say your young men'll be fritterin'!
Fritterin' away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too!
Fritterin' away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too!
Get the ball in the pocket
Get the ball in the pocket
Never mind gettin' dandelions pulled
Never mind gettin' dandelions pulled
Or the screen door patched or the beefsteak pounded
Or the screen door patched or the beefsteak pounded
Never mind pumpin' any water
Never mind pumpin' any water
'Til your parents are caught with the cistern empty
'Til your parents are caught with the cistern empty
On a Saturday night and that's trouble
On a Saturday night and that's trouble
Yes you got lots and lots of trouble
Yes you got lots and lots of trouble
I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers
I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers
Shirt-tail young ones, peekin' in the pool
Shirt-tail young ones, peekin' in the pool
Hall window after school, ya got trouble, folks!
Hall window after school, ya got trouble, folks!
Right here in River City
Right here in River City
Trouble with a capital "T"
Trouble with a capital "T"
And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool!
And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool!
Now, I know all you folks are the right kind of parents
Now, I know all you folks are the right kind of parents
I'm gonna be perfectly frank
I'm gonna be perfectly frank
Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes
Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes
On while they're loafin' around that Hall?
On while they're loafin' around that Hall?
They be tryin' out Bevo, tryin' out cubebs
They be tryin' out Bevo, tryin' out cubebs
Tryin' out Tailor Mades like cigarette fiends!
Tryin' out Tailor Mades like cigarette fiends!
And braggin' all about
And braggin' all about
How they're gonna cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen
How they're gonna cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen
One fine night, they leave the pool hall
One fine night, they leave the pool hall
Headin' for the dance at the Arm'ry!
Headin' for the dance at the Arm'ry!
Libertine men and Scarlet women!
Libertine men and Scarlet women!
And Rag-time, shameless music
And Rag-time, shameless music
That'll grab your son, your daughter
That'll grab your son, your daughter
With the arms of a jungle animal instinct!
With the arms of a jungle animal instinct!
Mass-staria!
Mass-staria!
Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground!
Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground!
Trouble, oh we got trouble
Trouble, oh we got trouble
Right here in River City!
Right here in River City!
With a capital "T"
With a capital "T"
That rhymes with "P"
That rhymes with "P"
And that stands for Pool
And that stands for Pool
That stands for pool
That stands for pool
We've surely got trouble!
We've surely got trouble!
Right here in River City
Right here in River City
Right here!
Right here!
Gotta figure out a way
Gotta figure out a way
To keep the young ones moral after school!
To keep the young ones moral after school!
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Mothers of River City!
Mothers of River City!
Heed the warning before it's too late!
Heed the warning before it's too late!
Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption!
Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption!
The moment your son leaves the house
The moment your son leaves the house
Does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
Does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?
Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?
A dime novel hidden in the corn crib?
A dime novel hidden in the corn crib?
Is he starting to memorize jokes from?
Is he starting to memorize jokes from?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Words like 'swell?"
Words like 'swell?"
And 'so's your old man?"
And 'so's your old man?"
Well, if so my friends
Well, if so my friends
Ya got trouble
Ya got trouble
Right here in River City!
Right here in River City!
With a capital "T"
With a capital "T"
And that rhymes with "P"
And that rhymes with "P"
And that stands for Pool
And that stands for Pool
We've surely got trouble!
We've surely got trouble!
Right here in River City!
Right here in River City!
Remember the, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule!
Remember the, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule!
Oh, we've got trouble
Oh, we've got trouble
We're in terrible, terrible trouble
We're in terrible, terrible trouble
That game with the fifteen numbered balls is a devil's tool!
That game with the fifteen numbered balls is a devil's tool!
Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble!
Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble!
With a "T"! Gotta rhyme it with "P"!
With a "T"! Gotta rhyme it with "P"!
And that stands for Pool.
And that stands for Pool.
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