for the first time,

I go into the bigger high school building,

I make new friends and you look at me as if you aren't ready to let me go;

you can't believe how time is moving so quickly.

it so spacious and I see everything as the bigger picture,

the vibe of all the kids rushing together,

I will find myself different in the library,

or while I hide from fate in an empty classroom.

at one end of the stick of time,

there is this version of me who struggled to make friends,

but now I'm part of my own group and I hang out with them during the weekend,

and we talk on the phone every single night.

I tell them everything about school,

they talk to me about history and geography,

things I don't understand but I'm so excited to be around them,

we have sleepovers and listen to each other's music and connect our emerging thoughts.

I think back to my body sometimes,

like the camera panning back down to the full scene,

I am so conscious of this skin that I have been placed in,

everything is drawn right back to the blood,

I am nothing more than my skeleton.

I know-

I know that the real people surrounding me will not care about this,

if I skip out on a meal,

they'll notice and they'll also be hurt;

at the end of the day,

my own obsessions will only strip me of my joy and connections.

for the first time,

I see you from the stage at my high school graduation,

you wave to me from the third row;

embarrassed,

I don't wave back,

but I know you'll always be there,

more of a form of protection that any eager set of restrictions can provide for me,

more visceral than being the right weight finally.

on the kitchen table we will share all our deep thoughts,

when we finally finish that puzzle together,

when we get ready for that party together,

you celebrate me for who I am.

I will have no stomach,

I will have no stomach,

I will look in the mirror and smile;

I will miss out on things with my friends.

I will not miss out on things with my family or my friends.

Riley Fable is a 20 year old poet and writer whose work explores neurodivergence, queer identity, and disability, alongside an ongoing effort to better understand the world we live in. They are especially interested in the structural and sensory elements of poetry. Riley is currently working on their first book titled Grasslands.

Authors Notes: These pieces explore the relationship I have with my own body and how I've come to terms with living in it. In these pieces, I am exploring what it means to let go of my imperfections and make the most of my life beyond the skin I exist in. I am exploring what it feels to reflect on it while still acknowledging that it isn't something that truly impacts the way I want to be seen.