Fuyudensetsu

When I opened my eyes, an unfamiliar scenery was waiting for me. I can see a tall man towering over me. He wore a fox-like mask and dressed mostly in white. 

Is that an angel? Is he coming here to get me at last? Is it time for me to go? He should be, right? Then he must be an Angel of Death, or what you call it again? A grim reaper? He can’t be a demon right? It would be cruel if after all of these, I need to go to hell too? No, I can’t accept that.

“Who are you?” He asked me unexpectedly. “W-what?” I stuttered. “Why are you here?” He asked again. “W-well! I would like to know that too!” It’s the least likely scenario I imagined. Why the hell didn't he know me?

“You’re not supposed to be here.” He said firmly. “Then send me back! I bet my parents have been worried about me too! What are you expecting? If you’re not taking me to the next life, then send me back to my previous one!” My head started to boil as I sat up straight. 

“Hmm… this is very confusing. How can someone enter this place? Are you a Saniwa?” He took a step back and seemed to be thinking about something. “What the heck is a Saniwa? I just suddenly woke up in this place with no explanations! It would be great if someone could explain something, but no! It has been… I don’t know, 3 years? Send me back home!” I demanded. 

“Wait a moment, let me check something for you.” He took out some devices and started to scan me with the device. A weird hologram screen popped up after that. I can see, it was full of warning signs. “How is this possible?” he mumbled. 

“What is the problem? You can’t send me back?” I asked. “No… it says, you don’t have an origin. You’re someone who doesn’t exist in any timeline or any universe.” He said a statement, but it sounded like a question. “I don’t understand what you are talking about.” I frowned. 

“I need to be sure about this. I need to run some more tests in my lab. I’ll visit you again tomorrow.” He waved his hand and a portal-like hole appeared. “W-wait! Take me with you, don’t leave me alone!” I chased him. 

“No, you can’t, just stay here, I’ll come back tomorrow.” Then, he disappeared with the portal. “Wait…” I desperately called. But I won’t be able to remember you tomorrow…

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING : DEATH⚠️

Today too, I came here. I don’t know what I am expecting, but I can’t deny that I have hope… I hope she doesn’t forget me today. 

I heard some utensils clinking in the kitchen, so I just walked in. Gasp! Crash! The girl was so surprised that she dropped the plate on her hand. “W-who are you?” she stepped back. I sighed, she still doesn’t remember me. “I’m the one who looks over this space.” I said, as usual. She gasped again, “Th-then, can you get me out of here?” she said, as usual. I guess this is our template conversation every time we meet. 

She stepped forward, so the plate shards cut her feet. I reflexively approach her to stop her, even though it seems like she doesn’t feel the pain. “Don’t move,” I held her shoulder and lifted her. I put her down on the dining chair. “I’m currently trying to do so… but it’s not exactly a simple thing to do.” I examined her sole and pulled the ceramic shard. 

“Am I won’t be able to get out of here?” I sense panic in her voice. I looked into her eyes through my mask and pressed on her bleeding wound. “I will get you out of here. I’ve told you before… if you believe me.” 

She went silent and looked at me even though she couldn’t see behind my mask. I only look at her back. “.... I believe you,” her lifeless eyes suddenly have some spirit in it. I’m a bit overwhelmed by her trust, honestly, I don’t know how to help her. I couldn’t ask anyone for help either, because it might put her in danger. 

I looked down and continued to tend to her wound, “Did you remember how you slept yesterday?” Yet silence filled the room again. She only answered after I looked up at her, “... I slept outside.”

“You… slept outside…? In the snow?” She averted her eyes, “...Yes, in the snow.”

I sighed. She always found a new way to die. How foolish. I just kept my mouth shut until I finished wrapping her feet in a handkerchief. “You don’t need to do that, it will heal tomorrow,” she said with certainty in her voice. 

I guess she is also smart enough to grasp her situation. “So… you met me yesterday?” she asked. “Yes,” I replied curtly. “Then… Do you know why I can’t remember that?” She was also trying to put the puzzle together.

“You might not be able to remember this conversation, anyway. Why should I explain it to you?” I sighed. “...It might be better if we can find the answer together.” This time, I’m the one who went speechless. That’s right, I’m not doing this alone, this is also her struggle. I looked into her eyes for a long time. 

“Do you know anything about the parallel world?” I asked. “Are you saying there is another version of me in a different world?” She immediately understood. “Kind of, yes. Whenever you make a choice, a new possibility is created, branching your existence into multiple versions of you.”

“But, this space, the Honmaru, isn’t designed to accommodate such a thing. The Honmaru only accepts one version of you, one timeline.” I continued. “That’s my speculation. Every time I meet you, you only remember the timeline in which you died, or you have some accident.” It’s only been a few months since I found her. Based on the data I’ve been collecting, that’s the conclusion that I’ve reached.

“That’s for your memories, but for your physical body, I guess you only retain your best possible condition,” I added. She fell deep into her thoughts, “...So you just need to kill me,” she whispered.

I fell silent. “Don’t you see? I will remember you if I die because of you!” Her eyes lit up, there was a tinge of madness in it.  I wonder why she always thinks like that. Yesterday, it was also her idea to kill her… 

“I did that already…” I whispered. “...What?” She was shocked. 

“Yesterday… I killed you. But you still don't remember me.” I felt like something was stuck in my throat. It reminds me of it… her lifeless body, cold and drenched with blood.

She looked down for a while, “Then you can try again… Maybe there’s something wrong with the method. We can always try again, until I can remember you.” I thought she would be disgusted if she knew I killed her, but she’s giving me another chance to do it?

“How did you kill me yesterday?” She sounds eager. “...Using my sword.” I replied. “Hmm… then you can try to suffocate me now.” She said it like it’s such a good idea for her to die. She took both my hands and put it around her neck.

I froze as she pressed my hand tighter. Her expression stays unfazed, curious almost… or hopeful? I swallowed my saliva, and started to put strength to my hands. 

She slowly closed her eyes, her arms dropped to her side, her fists clenched, as if she was fighting the urge to fight back. A second felt like an hour, and every time I felt her flinching, I felt like I can’t do this anymore. 

I saw her lips turned blue and suddenly strength left my hands and I released her. She started coughing and gasping for air. “...Sorry… I don’t think I can do it… Not again.” My hands trembled. “We will find another way… I know we will.” I patted her back as she calmed down.

“Wh-what other way?” her voice cracks a bit. Another flash of guilt washed over me. How can she not be disgusted by me? Even I was disgusted with myself. 

“I told you before… the memory you retained is not in line with the retained physical situation… So I can try to leave some clues for you… slowly.” 

“Then certainly, it won’t be our current encounter.” She wiggled her feet. She already acted like nothing happened. Like I wasn’t just trying to kill her. I picked the plate shard on the floor and put it in my pocket. “Maybe not today, but we always have another chance tomorrow…”

This room is finally free of dust. It's less gloomy and surprisingly, it feels bright. After being neglected for many years, I cleaned this room. Previously, I woke up to an entirely unfamiliar situation each and every day. What I remember doing yesterday, there was no trace of it every time I opened my eyes. So I thought it would be meaningless if I cleaned the room, or tried to do anything to it. Even though I know this room didn't change and I have been living in this place for more than 10 years... but everyday I woke up in a place that feels like someone else has been living in it, not me. 

Now I understand, it’s still me. Out of the countless possibilities that happened, my retained physical situation is not synchronized with the memories that I am able to remember. For years I have always woke up disoriented, as if I have possessed someone else’s body everyday. But, at last… I can escape that loop. Now I finally have full control of my body and my fate. Although, it kinda feels weird that now I really can’t wake up as usual when I die? For me, that's good news, not bad news. I just need more time to adjust to this “normal” situation.

I snuggled under the freshly washed blanket with a white snake. “So… tell me your story… I won’t forget about it tomorrow, right? Now I’m curious about your story.” The snake slither his body closer to mine. Snake can’t regulate his own body heat, so it makes sense that he wants to stay close to me. 

“I am a fox spirit that worked for the Government of Time, and previously, they called me Konnosuke. But I’m not the only one, there were a lot of other Konnosukes as we were needed to guide the new Saniwas. But, I was the first one to fail in my job.” He already told me about Saniwas and this place previously, and I finally know my situation here. “How can you fail in your job?”

“I was in charge of this Honmaru and you–well, the ‘other’ you was the Saniwa of this Honmaru. Long story short, I failed to guide her to finish the tutorial. So this place is frozen in time like this. After that, I was stripped from my position as Konnosuke, and have been an outcast since then.” 

“So… what happened to her…? To the ‘other’ me?” I asked. “She’s now working as a Saniwa in another Honmaru. You can say, she’s doing a good job as a Saniwa.” Silence fills the room for a moment. I exhaled, “That’s good for her, I guess…” I nodded. “Did you not blame her for what happened to you?” the snake whispered.

“...Do you blame her for what happened to you?” I asked back. “Well…. I can’t say it’s her fault to begin with… If I was to blame her, I need to blame myself first.” The snake gazed towards the door, it’s still snowing outside. “I don’t think I can blame her either. Of course, I’m angry at this situation, and at her choice which made me stuck here … But it’s between me or her right? Someone needs to go through this.” 

“Let’s just say, I’m glad that I can survive through this. It’s not like that I remember anything to miss about anyway.” My memories are now so fragmented, and currently I can’t remember anything before I arrived here. “I don’t need to worry about anything anymore, right? Now you’ll stay with me, and you said we can travel through time now?”

“Yes, that’s possible… But to go back to your previous life would be difficult.” He looks back at me. “I know, I know… I’d also rather not go back. It’ll feel strange to me to be back anyway, since I can’t remember a thing.” I tossed around. “You said you knew about myself, right? I said I don’t want to go there myself… But I still wanna know. Now, can you tell me about myself?”

• 「He▬o¿ ‽▩T▦st‽ ▥bi▨cha⁂ ♪Ar⌂ y▮u ▤s▱ this Ƹ̵̡✪ con○▽ted pr◈p◇●◙?」

• 「Ehem, let me try again... is it connected now? Oh yeah, finally!」

• 「Hello, there! Are you the Saniwa in this Honmaru? Hmm? Your name is Shiromi Matou? That's weird... Do I know you...? Hmm, I don't think so? Well, anyway! How can you visit my home?」

• 「Because you come to my home, now time started again in my Honmaru, and the Time Gov are hunting me now!」

• 「You'll take responsibility, right? Let me stay in your Honmaru for a while!」

• 「Please take a good care of me, Master~」

“Hey, Imacchi! I found a new game other than Yatsushikurabe¹! Let’s go to Awataguchi's room and ask them to play together!” Taikou Samonji approached Imanotsurugi.

“What game is it?” Imanotsurugi asked. “Uki ki… Let me tell you, it’s called Truth or Dare! Let’s play that game!” Taikou grinned. “Alright then, let’s go!”

They came to Awataguchi's room and started to play the game. They’re having fun by giving a dare to each other to do acrobatic moves, or maybe asking the truth about their secrets.

But then, this time it’s Gokotai’s turn to ask Imanotsurugi, “Ima-san… Truth or Dare?” Imanotsurugi thinks for a while before answering, “Truth!” 

Gokotai fidgeting a little, “Uhm… Then, is there anything bothering you lately? You seemed a bit troubled…” Gokotai seemed genuinely worried about Imanotsurugi. “Ah, umm… Yeah… They didn’t say specifically to keep it a secret… So I think it’s ok, but just to be safe, please don’t tell anyone else, okay?”

Everyone seemed intrigued by what Imanotsurugi might say, so they leaned their body closer to him. “Umm… Do you know that there’s another Honmaru in this Honmaru?” Imanotsurugi whispered to them.

“Eeeeeehh? Ima-san, are you trying to scare us with a horror story?” Midare cringed and rubbed his arms. “N-no! I’m serious, it’s a Honmaru called El1vagar, and they’re very different from us! They don’t fight like us!”

“Whaatt? What would they do if they didn't fight, then?” Atsushi seemed to be absorbed in the story. “Well… they just manage the Honmaru and live there, I think? I assume, they’re hiding from something, so that’s why they hide their honmaru in ours!” Imanotsurugi speculated.

“So where is it? Can you go there?” Maeda asked. “Uhm… Yeah, we can go there. But I think you should find it yourself!” Imanotsurugi grinned.

Then they were involved in a deep conversation about this mysterious El1vagar Honmaru. Yagen secretly relieved that they didn’t continue the Truth or Dare game, because he wasn’t ready to tell them that he originated from that El1vagar Honmaru.

Sooner or later, they will know about that, but for now, he’ll keep that little secret to himself.

[1] Yatsushi is said to be one of the fundamentals of Japanese aesthetic and a Japanese art expression. The term has a lot of usage and can mean "to deviate from the usual; to make a shabby change in appearance; to disguise oneself; to put on makeup and dress up”. So basically, Taikou is using an old term of an impression contest.