As White folks, we need to apologize often because messing up is likely. What does a good apology look like? Franchesca Ramsey (Chescaleigh) is a YouTuber and writer known for hosting the MTV show Decoded (so many helpful videos!). In the video below, she breaks down what a solid, meaningful apology looks like:

In order to apologize for harm you've caused, you have to be aware you've caused harm. Some harmful behaviors, like the examples in the activity above, are easy to see because they upset or harm someone directly. However, there are other kinds of harm that can be harder to see. Sometimes, harm isn't caused because you acted a certain way, but because you did nothing at all. You had the power and privilege in a situation, but you chose to do nothing with it.

The graphics below explain more about the choices we make to act or not act on our power and privilege:

Complicity is only one of the subtle ways that White folks can cause harm. There are some other predictable mistakes we can make as well.

Some of the behaviors we have to watch out for are:

• Cultural Appropriation - using the customs, language, fashion, behaviors, traditions, or practices of a marginalized group to your benefit without acknowledging and learning from the culture

• Microaggressions - subtle actions or statements that cause harm because they remind marginalized people of their experiences with discrimination

• Performative Allyship - participating in activism for the recognition as a "good person" publicly, rather than to actually improve the world

• White Saviorism - participating in actions you believe will rescue BIPOC people from their bad situations, making you the hero

• White Fragility - becoming defensive, guilty, or aggressive when your own racism or privilege is pointed out

• Validation-Seeking - taking actions to prove that you are a "good" White person and expecting acknowledgement for doing these action and having good intentions

Any of these sound familiar? It's important to make sure you can recognize and prevent these behaviors from harming others. In order to do this, we can use SOS:

You've spent a lot of time today reflecting on behaviors you might not be so proud of. Don't go into a guilt and shame spiral! Remind yourself that we can only do better when we know better. You know how to apologize where you've done harm and you have a better eye to see when you might be acting problematically.

If this has left you feeling a little emotional, return to the NICE Method:

1. Name your emotions and what triggered them

2. Investigate the thoughts that created them

3. Clarify how you can and will respond

4. Emerge ready to turn feelings into action

Then, remind yourself that now you can do better!

WEEK 5: OWN UP

Impact: how your action affects others

Intention: how you meant for your actions to affect others

Complicity: being involved in, helping, or knowing about (but not stopping) wrongdoing, like not speaking up against racism

Cultural Appropriation: using the customs, language, fashion, behaviors, traditions, or practices of a marginalized group to your benefit without acknowledging and learning from the culture

Microaggressions: subtle actions or statements that cause harm because they remind marginalized people of their experiences with discrimination

Performative Allyship: participating in activism for the recognition as a "good person" publicly, rather than to actually improve the world

White Saviorism: participating in actions you believe will rescue BIPOC people from their bad situations, making you the hero

White Fragility: becoming defensive, guilty, or aggressive when you own racism or privilege is pointed out

Validation-Seeking: taking actions to prove that you are a "good" white person and expecting acknowledgement for doing these action and having good intentions

WEEK 4: ACT ON IT

Internal Work: the work we do on ourselves to become better people and co-conspirators

External Work: the work we do in our communities and societies to make the world a better place

WEEK 3: PROCESS THE FEELS

White Supremacy Culture: the attitudes, values, beliefs, and ways of being created to justify and uphold racism and keep White folks in power

Decentering: taking privileged groups out of the spotlight to focus on the experiences, feelings, and needs of marginalized groups

WEEK 2: UNPACK YOUR PRIVILEGE

Dominant Culture: groups of people labeled as "normal" in a society because they have the most power to say what's normal because they historically have the power to make the laws

Subordinate Culture: groups of people who don't fit the narrow definition of "normal" created by the dominant culture

Privilege: the benefits people get from holding an identity that is part of the dominant culture

Marginalized: when a group of people is treated as insignificant, powerless, or lesser because of their identity

White Privilege: the benefits White people get simply for being White

Common Decency: the opportunity, kindness, and trust given to privileged people that everyone else should have

Unearned Power: imbalances of power that allow privileged people to get away with harmful actions.

WEEK 1: WHERE ARE YOU?

White Supremacy: the ways that our society is built to create a hierarchy with White folks on top. It is the ways the laws, norms, and expectations of our society put White people first, while harming Black people , Indigenous people, and People of Color (BIPOC).

Oppression: unjust treatment and harm over a long time due to your belonging to a group that has less power.

Interpersonal Harm: hurt done by one person to another.

Systemic Oppression: harm done by systems like laws, institutions (education, medicine, prison), and societal norms

Anti-Racism: actively working to end systemic racism by changing your thoughts, actions, and the society around you

Active Ally: someone who is against racism, mostly in their thoughts and words

Accomplice: someone who is against racism through their actions and behaviors

Co-conspirator: someone who is actively working with BIPOC communities to end racism by taking risks in their daily lives