Managing Friendships Throughout Secondary School
By Narina Khansari
Importance of friendships
Having friendships is very important. Friendships can be a way to express yourself and an escape from the stress of school. They allow social, emotional, psychological, and moral development. These will help you communicate effectively, get along with others, cope with and solve problems, which is a big one as it is a big skill to have as you grow up. Self-regulation of emotions is another one and understanding and responding to the reactions and points of view of others.
Recognising the types of friendships and fallouts.
A good friendship will enable you to share your worries and success without the thought of being judged or questioned. Throughout your college life, you will make new friends and you will let some go. You have to know that it is absolutely fine. It is hard going through fallouts but it helps you grow as an individual. You may have to think to yourself, have I done something wrong? Put yourself in the other person’s shoes; if you see a problem with how you may have reacted and the things you may have said, reconsider and apologize. We all make mistakes, we just have to recognise and learn from them. However, if you truly think you have not done anything wrong then stand by it and don’t let someone's words bring you down. At the same time don’t swoop down to the same level as them. Be the bigger person.
Friendship groups
Also, you have to remember the popularity of friends is just a statement. Having a crowd of friends who you aren’t very close to and can’t be yourself around is a lot worse than having one friend or a small group of friends with who you can trust and be happy with. Also, consider that having friends from different friendship groups is okay. Through college, you will start to move around and make different kinds of friends and again that’s okay. Having these types of friends is good because even though you may not spend every minute of the day with them when you do hang out it would be a change in environment for you. If your other friends start to get jealous. Try to speak to them and talk about how you can have more than one group of friends. Even though this may not be a good trait, we all have a bit of jealousy in us but have to go about it in the right way. If your friends start being mean to you for spending time with others then that’s when you should put a stop to it and consider speaking to an adult.
How to deal with fallouts
Firstly when it comes to fallouts you have to remember that you will be fine, it may be hard at first but know it will get better. Start by thinking to yourself what has caused you and your friend to fall out; did you do something wrong or say something you didn’t mean? If so try apologising (in person) a simple sorry goes a long way. However if not try talking to your friend and expressing how you feel you never know what they will say. This is really important to help them understand why you feel the way you do. Accept that you might both have been right, being able to agree to disagree is an important part of being friends in the long term. In any case, what's more important - 'winning' an argument or keeping a friend? However, if you feel that your friendship is too toxic then you don’t have to stay in the friendship and find more friends who can treat you how you should be treated. A key thing is to not get others involved, doing this keeps your disagreement on the low and not exaggerated. When others are involved they will start spreading rumours to others and blow them out of proportion.
Overall just enjoy your secondary school experience because before you know it it will all be gone there will be times where it becomes tough and friendships start taking over but remember you will always find a way out.