Audie Hawkins

Reminiscing 

Dear Old Friend, 

It’s been a while—ten years to be exact. Seeing your follow request pop up on my Instagram a couple of months ago made me so incredibly happy. I finally got to see pictures of you that weren’t from the yearly Christmas cards we exchanged.  It’s our senior year of high school and I know we’ve both changed so much from the little girls who became best friends in kindergarten. Like who knows if we would even be friends if you had stayed. I know it’s too far in the past to think about what might have been, but sometimes I just can’t help it. 

Memories of the past ring vividly in my reminiscing mind. I remember how we couldn’t help but beg our parents for permission to let us spend every night together after we found out you were moving. Playing the song “American Pie” on repeat while we lay under the table in your game room, singing the lyrics together, to sneaking out early one morning in our PJs to go play in the mud from the storm, and talking for hours about how one day we would buy two houses right next to each other and own a horse farm together are all memories I cherish dearly…

I’d like to say it was your follow request that sent me into a spiral of memories and what-ifs, but the truth is, it happens to me every time I look at the toy unicorn you gave me as our parting gift. Yeah, I still have it. I remember the way you shyly gave it to me with a nudge from your mom and the way we hugged right after. And I remember how we haven’t seen each other since. I’ve kept that unicorn ever since. It’s sitting on my dresser right now, and honestly, it will probably be going to college with me. You were my first best friend, and thinking about you makes me want to cry and laugh and feel every emotion all at once. I’m not going to send this letter, I’m not brave enough for that, but I’ll keep watching your life through Christmas cards and Instagram stories, and I hope you do the same for me.

Love you forever, 

Audie