Embedded Files
Task: Write a letter to the Editor
To prepare you for your innovation inquiry you will pick a common problem/issue to briefly research and write a letter of complaint about to the Editor of the Bay of Plenty Times.
Conventions of Complaint Letters
Formal register
Polite but critical tone
Clear details and facts
Occasional use of emotive language (words that provoke an emotional reaction in the reader)
Letter writing format (see the template below)
Brainstorm - What are some potential problems and issues that could be solved through innovation? *See list at bottom of doc if stuck.
Also consider using Chatgpt for idea.
kids drowning in memorial park
Traffic
Waiting to see doctors or specialists
Flooding
Vaping
Ram raids
Gangs
House affordability
Stadium prices
Car parks
TEMPLATE
Tauranga Boys’ College
664 Cameron Road
TAURANGA 3110
12 March 2008
Sergeant Morris
Tauranga Central Police Station
148 Durham Street
TAURANGA
Dear Sergeant Morris
I am writing to complain about the behaviour of a number of individuals in my neighbourhood. I believe that the local police should be responsible for patrolling this area, especially as this is essentially a lovely neighbourhood.
My complaints centre on three main areas: vandalism, intimidation and litter. The vandalism that occurs through ‘tagging’ has risen to an unacceptable level. Despite the owners’ best efforts to clean it off, it continues to re-appear and there appears to be no abatement. Another complaint is the intimidation that these individuals instil in local residents, when they congregate around public amenities. Surely, these youths should be encouraged to move on. My final complaint is the amount of litter these groups leave behind. Despite the rubbish bins available, they don’t appear to have the ability to use them. Once again, more regular police contact may encouragement the youths to use the bins.
I would like you to look into these matters because, as a ratepayer, I believe this is a matter of concern. I believe that more regular police patrols around the neighbourhood will ensure that a number of these situations will be addressed, as the individuals will be encouraged to move on. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to receiving a swift response.
Yours sincerely
JStreet
J STREET
Sender’s address
Date in full
Name and address of receiver
Salutation
Introduction states the reason for complaint. Some use of emotional language
Complaints set out in body of letter. Some explanations given to clarify
Closing offers a ‘solution’ and thanks the receiver for their action
Closing matches the salutation
Signature
Print name
LETTER WRITING ACTIVITY
Dear Editor
I am shocked by the displays of drunken teenage behaviour I seem to witness every weekend when in Tauranga. If some young “yob” is not relieving himself on my lawn in the small hours of the morning, then it is a screechy drunken young woman giggling with her friends that keeps me up at night.
I ask you: where are the parents? Why are these young people not at home asleep instead of marauding around the neighbourhood? It is unhealthy for young people to be drinking alcohol in their teenage years. They are at risk from brain damage, alcohol poisoning, and even death. I personally cannot imagine what the teens of today see in getting drunk all the time!
Statistics show that 70% of young people aged from 13-18 drink at least once a week, and 3 in 10 teenagers drink to get drunk. This is clear evidence of a sick society when teenagers feel they have no other options other than to “write themselves off”.
I suggest that these young people think seriously about where they want to be in a few years time and set some goals. From what I have seen, the only place today’s teens are going to be in a few years is six feet under.
Sincerely
Mrs O. Hagg
Find and label an example of each of the following language techniques in the letter above:
Rhetorical questions (thought-provoking questions that don’t require an answer)
Slang (made up or informal words)
Listing (commas to create lists)
Personal Pronoun (you, we, our)
Strong Statement emphasised by punctuation
Emotive language (language that evokes an emotional response in reader)
2) What data-based technique does the author use to add support that the topic is a real and serious one? Quote the sentence.
Statistics show that 70% of young people aged from 13-18 drink at least once a week, and 3 in 10 teenagers drink to get drunk.
3) What does “write yourself off” mean?
Not sutieable or good enought
4) What does “six feet under” mean?
dead
Write your letter below:
Tauranga Boys’ College
664 Cameron Road
TAURANGA 3110
7 June 2023
People this may concern
All over New Zealand
NEW ZEALAND
To whom it may concern
We are all shocked that New Zealands weather has gotten really bad in the past two years. Global warming is increasing and the weather is getting worse so we need to act fast. Cars are making too much carbon emissions so we need to start biking NOW! How are we ment to bike if its constantly raining though? Well here’s a solution. We bike.
Our problem is foggy glasses or when you biking in the rain. I recently came across a common issue that many people face - foggy or dirty glasses. 54% out of 100% in New Zealand wear glasses. It can be quite frustrating to constantly have to wipe your glasses clean, especially after a shower when the steam fogs them up.
Another problem is when you're biking in the rain and the water droplets on your glasses obstruct your vision. This can be dangerous, especially if you rely on your glasses to see properly. ACC cycling-related injuries show their claims have reached 36,036 in 2020 for all cycling injuries that's an overall 30% increase from 2016 to 2020. Cycling-related injuries involving people aged 65 and over increased by 101 per cent between 2016 and 2020.
However, I have a solution to this problem. I came up with the idea of having window wipers but for your glasses instead. These wipers can be installed on the inside and outside of your glasses and can help people with both permanent and non-permanent glasses. With this invention, you can safely bike in the rain without worrying about hitting a car or pole. By keeping your glasses clean and clear, you can see the world around you with ease.
Yours faithfully
Task: Craft a 2min elevator pitch for an innovative solution to a problem
An elevator pitch is a concise and persuasive summary of a product, service or idea that can be delivered in the time it takes to ride an elevator.
Stages of the Elevator Pitch
Introduce yourself and state why you are here today
Describe the problem your innovation will fix and try to get the audience to think about the importance and scale of the problem.
Present your solution in the form of your innovation. Highlight the value of the innovation in the form of its benefits, cost-effectiveness, time-saving, environmental impact, and any other relevant factors. You need a visual for this in the form of a design prototype, demonstration or slide.
Identify your target audience by explaining who would benefit most from the innovation and why.
Finsh by starting how much it will cost to buy for the consumer and how much it will cost to manufacture and how much money you are seeking in investment
Key things to remember:
Engage the listener by having enthusiasm in your voice, body language, gesture and stance
Clearly communicate your problem, solution, benefits and target audience
Keep to the 2mins
Use Oral Language Technique to engage the listener
Examples
Shark Tank - Top 3 pitches offered over a million dollars
Oral language techniques
Oral language techniques
An effective presentation must be well written, using a variety of oral language techniques appropriate to the topic and audience. Some language techniques may include:
rhetorical question – ask a question which doesn't need to be answered to get your audience thinking about their own opinions
listing – of examples and words to support an idea
repetition – of an idea or sentence structure helps to link ideas
chronological linking words – 'firstly', 'secondly', 'thirdly' – help guide the audience to your next point
jargon or technical terms – to show expertis
imperative - commands to the audience
sound devices such as alliteration – using words starting with the same letter to make it memorable
hyperbole – an exaggeration often used to add humour
anecdote – a brief story based on personal experiences, may add humour
analogy – an effective comparison to illustrate a point.
parallel construction - repeated sentence structures for emphasis
statistics - adds weight and authority to arguments
For more techniques see The Language of Oratory.
Plan to use a variety of appropriate and controlled voice techniques to help make your presentation interesting. The following list shows you how and why you can vary your voice:
pace – fast to show excitement, slow to show importance
pitch – high to show excitement, low to show importance and authority
stance - face the audience, stand still and keep movement natural and limited
gesture - use hands to illustrate ideas and engage audience
intonation – the rise and fall of your voice when you speak
inflection – when your voice goes up at the end of the sentence as if you were asking a question
eye contact - look at audience regularly to engage them
facial expression - show emotion and act out ideas
tone – feeling needs to suit the words said
volume – loud to show excitement, soft to show fear
pause – a planned rest in your speaking to emphasise an idea.
Tips for oral presentation
Speak clearly and don't rush through your speech.
Memorise your pitch. (You should be able to speak for 1min without cue cards)
Control your breathing – breathe from the stomach not the throat.
Write your pitch below:
Hello, I am Drake and Im here today to solve a massive problem in today's world.
Our population is only getting bigger and traffic is getting worse. People should be encouraged to bike more on the roads but it cars pull out from traffic, they get close to bikers and clip their tires or get their pealds and some places on the road dont even have bike lanes.
Today in my innovation I have a solution that can reduce people/students getting hurt. Bike airbag can reduce the amount of injurys on bikes that involve cars for example if you get clipped and go over your handle bars and land on the concrete and hit a traffic light you would be dead. But with my bubble it can save you from dieing like that. It has a sensor that when you get hit it catchs you and puts you in the safe bubble and you end up bouncing until you stop.With its compact design and easy installation it will only cost round 100 dollars but If you are buying a helmet, vest, and lights why not buy the ultermite safey bubble.
The people who will benefit from this device are people who commute to work or school.
I am wanting 5000 dollars for 10 percent of my comperaine. Don't wait until it's too late - invest in my bike airbags today and ride with peace of mind!
Practice your pitch with a classmate for timing, fluency, confidence, clarity and concise communication as this is how you will be assessed in the making schedule below.
Peer Feedback
Time (How long did they speak?)
Fluency (Did they speak continuously and use the whole 2mins? Did they stutter or stop? Did they follow the four stages of the pitch in order?
Confidence (Is their voice loud and their body language and stance open and enthusiastic?)
Clarity
(Were their ideas clear? Was the problem established fully to convince you its a problem? Were the solutions detailed and believable? Is the target audience clear?
Concise
(Was the language precise and specific not vague or too general? Were all four stages equally covered?)
Marking Schedule
Oral Presentation
Level 2
A M E
Level 3
A M E
Level 4
A M E
Level 5
A M E
Level 6
A M E
Purpose
Clarity in audience targeted
Content shows some awareness of audience and purpose.
Content shows awareness of audience and purpose.
Content is appropriate for intended audience and purpose. Audience is targeted but perhaps not well.
Content is shaped for intended audience and purpose. Audience is targeted.
Content is deliberately shaped for intended audience and purpose. Audience is deliberately and consistently targeted.
Ideas - Clarity in problem, solution
Some ideas expressed. Problem or solution not present.
Ideas are reasonably clear but underdeveloped. Problem and solution present but one weaker than other.
Develops ideas. Problem and solution present but possibly lacking clarity
Develops comprehensive ideas. Problem and solution clear and reasonable.
Develops comprehensive ideas.
Problem and solution convincing.
Language:
Verbal
Concise
Delivery
confidence
Appropriate choice of words. Use of more than one suitable oral language technique.
Voice can usually be heard and understood. Stance appropriate. Some eye contact with audience.
Variety of words and oral language techniques used to engage the listener.
Voice can be heard and understood.
Stance appropriate.
Some appropriate eye contact with audience.
Wide range of words and oral language techniques used to engage the listener.
Voice can be heard and with some attempt to vary tone and pace. Appropriate stance with some use of gesture. Reasonable attempt at eye contact.
Wide range of words and oral language techniques used to effectively engage the listener.
Voice can be heard with a good attempt to vary tone and pace.
Fluent delivery
Some attempt to influence audience with stance and gesture.
Eye contact used to involve audience.
Wide range of words and oral language techniques deliberately chosen
Features are controlled and used effectively to engage the listener.
Interest is sustained
Voice audible and distinct.
Tone and pace varied
Fluent delivery
Awareness of sustaining audience interest shown through stance and gesture.
Eye contact used to involve the audience.
Structure
Time
Fluency
Content is organised.
Is too short or goes overtime.
Content is organised into logical sections. Is short or goes overtime.
Content is organised and sequenced and into logical sections . Uses introduction or conclusion effectively. Meets the 2min mark more or less
Content is organised effectively and sequenced into logical sections. Uses introduction and conclusion effectively. Speaks for 2mins
Content is organised effectively.
Introduction, body and conclusion and linked coherently. Speaks for 2mins.
Little bit
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