Week 9 2019 Newsletter

The Pioneer Press Week 9

The “Pitchers, Titties and Lights” Edition

Written By: Ryan Florentine

Highlights:

- Jon Duplantier replaced Greg Bird as the league whore for a couple days by getting traded twice.

- Patrick Corbin’s titties got lit up like a Christmas Tree to which Marco Gonzales was envious of.

- Derek Dietrich looks like the best value signing of the year by Ders. Dude straight pimps homers when he’s not taming bees.

- Lucas Giolito has come a long way from being the go-to LVP of last season; he posted the most points this past week with 60. *He faced the Indians offense tho, does it really count?

- Mike fleeced Ryan into giving up Nick Pivetta AND AJ Pollock for a guy worse than both of them in Anthony DeSclafini. Pivetta had the 8^th most points this week.

- Big names including Jose Altuve, Matt Chapman and Andrew Benintendi were placed on the trading block Sunday night.

- Trent felt nostalgic and retweeted a tweet from 2015 of the Royals winning the World Series. Whatever gets us through the day, right?

Recap:

I Got Kluber 224 vs. NextGenerationBomber 216.75

Battle of the autodrafts. Yes, you may not have been aware but Ryan had an autodrafted team this year. There was good news and bad news in regards to the matchup. Let’s start with the bad: Marco Gonzales (-30pts) gave up 16 runs in 8.2IP. Patrick Corbin (-18pts) gave up 6ER in 2.2IP. Jon Lester (-10pts) gave up 7ER in 5.2IP. Get the trend? Ryan’s pitchers got their titties lit and then lit some more. The good news (for Ryan at least), he still managed to pull out a victory. The bats awoke in a big way, Francisco Lindor (31.25pts), David Fletcher (35.50pts) and Starling Marte *hey, welcome to the season, Starling!* (29.50pts) overcame the pitching deficits. Aaron wasn’t betrayed as much by his pitching, only two pitchers accounted for negative points, (-1 each) but didn’t receive any big performances either. Only two players scored over twenty points on the week: Roberto Osuna (25pts) and Adalberto Mondesi (21.50pts).

Joilet Pen Manatees 381.25 vs. . (Yes that’s a fucking period for a team name) 292.

Jason came out of this one looking poised for a strong midseason run despite owning a 4-5 record. Outside of Mark Cahna and Ryan Braun, every batter in the lineup surpassed 10 points on the week. The leaders of this brigade was Eduardo Escobar (27.50pts) and The-Indians-Only-Major-League-Hitter Carlos Santana (25pts). A strong breadth of pitching performances from top to bottom contributed to Jason’s strong play this week as well, including the return of James Paxton (17pts). Tony can’t be too pleased with Manny Machado (.50pts) but should be encouraged by Aaron Nola’s (25pts) re-ascension into the top 100 on the player rater. Better days lie ahead in this team’s future.

Nobody Paddack 173.75 vs. Rhys’ Pieces 405.25

Somebody better start paddicking. A loss slips Johnny to 3 games under .500 on the year. While Gerrit Cole (39pts) was masterful in his 12 innings of work, Kevin Gausman (-27pts) did his best to undo what Cole worked hard to accomplish. As Michelle Tanner would say, “how rude!” Rhys’ Pieces used his rotation to thoroughly overwhelm Nobody Paddack. Matt Boyd (37pts), David Price (39pts) and Jon Gray (34pts) wreaked havoc while at the end of the day, Bryce Harper (29pts) accounted for 7XBH and 9RBI’s; a welcome change of pace up until this point this season.

Wichita SodaMammoths 356 vs. LongBeachInSalenCats 293.75

Soda. Insulin. Perfect storm for a joke… Nah. The real story here is LUCAS. MOTHERFUCKING. GIOLITO. Ah, there’s the top prospect we were all expecting back in Washington. Giolito (60pts) dropped the metaphorical mjolnir on Logan with gems against the Royals and Indians putrid offenses. Jake Odorizzi (28pts) continues to make Ryan look like a fool for trading him as he posted two more shutouts, climbing his total to 6 in his last 7 starts. Regression? I think not. Also, ho-hum, the Yelich (27.25pts)-Bellinger (22.25pts) pairing on offense continues to dominate. Logan had a wide variety of outcomes this week. Austin Meadows (40.25pts) and Xander Bogaerts (38pts) were studs but also were 2 of only 6 batters to score double digits.

Daddy WarBuxton 407.25 vs. Be So Means 316.75

After a rough start to the season, including overcoming an injury, David Dahl (33pts) broke out in a big way, matching teammate Nolan Arenado (32.50pts) in scoring 7 runs on the week. Hyun Jin-Ryu (30pts) continued proving his case for biggest steal of the draft. The 10^th round selection, now ranked number 4 on the player rater, picked up his 4^th shutout in his last 5 outings against the Mets. Casey, while falling to 3-6 on the year, had some bright moments. Mad Max Scherzer (52pts) and Alex Colome (34pts) were among the top scorers of the week. The bigger story may have been the flack Case took for signing Addison Russell (3pts) who is a known domestic abuser. Ouch.

NYC Midtown Uniforms 383.50 vs. Weed Piranhas 252.50

Who would you rather have? Mike Trout or Christian Yelich? Or maybe Cody Bellinger? Frankie Lindor possibly? I’m physically pained not typing Lindor’s name next (Ha, I just wrote Lindor’s name first), the correct answer is Mike Trout (32.50pts). Yes, all of those players are great, but as the GroupMe discussed this week, Mike Trout is a different breed of great and he showed out in a big way this week. An 5-8 K:BB ratio, 2HR’s and 7RBI week led Brendan’s offense. Adam Wainwright (35pts) threw until his arm nearly fell off on Sunday, racking up 125 pitches, but also ran into 35 fantasy points. The Tempe Weed Piranhas on the other hand, dropped their location and this week. Joc Pederson (18pts) led an offense that left much to be desired (Javy Baez (-7.50) struck out 10 times this week compared to 2 hits and 2 walks.) Zach Davies (34pts) also continued to make Ryan look like a damn fool, as he has yet to regress either, throwing two more solid outings in week 9.

I GOT WOOD 371.75 vs. Anders’s Team 330.75

I understand Ders and Brendan are friends. I didn’t understand Ders read The Pioneer League manual written by Brendan Davis. You know the one: Start really strong, become a powerful force in the league, start to collapse… start to collapse? *Cue the Despicable Me meme Brendan loves to post in the GroupMe. Ders suffered his third straight loss this week. After being the last undefeated team in the league, Ders has lost to the two lowest seeded teams in the league as well as Ryan’s 3^rd seeded squad. Even the legend of Derek Dietrich (26pts) couldn’t save Ders this week. Ders should eventually get back to formidability once Trevor Bauer (10pts) returns to form and Mike Clevinger (0pts/INJ) returns in the near future. Mike took this matchup improving to 2-7 on the year. Trevor Story (39.50pts) racked up 11 hits, including at least one of every variety and Nomar Mazara (33.75pts) one-upped his fantasy teammate racking up 12 hits of his own. Nick Pivetta (39pts) added to the group of pitchers sticking up a middle finger at Ryan for trading them, as his two-starts resulted in 15K’s over 11 quality innings.

Week 9 MVP:

Lucas Giolito: How could I not? I spent all of last year berating the guy and he’s since proved me wrong in a big way.

Week 9 LVP:

Reynaldo Lopez Giolito’s real-life teammate has since taken over the go-to LVP award of normally rostered players, but this week he gets a reprieve. Kevin Gausman gets the nod this week in a tightly fought battle between himself and Marco Gonzales. Guasman’s antics led to a defeat for Johnny so he gets the edge this time around.