Week 5, 2019 Newsletter

The Pioneer League of Fantasy Baseball: Week 5

By: Brendan Davis

Another eventful week for the Pioneer league as we near the quarter mark of the 2019 regular season. While the top heavy Champs Division continues to flex its muscle at times, don’t sleep on the contenders who have 6 of the top 10 teams and have been more consistent so far. This week we had a few close Sunday night matchups go down to the wire, the most notable drunk trade since Jose Altuve, Eric continues to play chess while we play checkers, a Cody trip to NYC (with an expected amount of complaining), and several great GroupMe highlights. Let’s break it all down below.

Week 5 Highlights

More Close Matchups

· Yet again, it seemed like half the league was scoreboard watching come Sunday night for the 3^rd time in as many weeks. Ecc and Aaron, who were seemingly neck-and-neck all week, saw a major shakeup to their matchup Sunday afternoon when Alex Bregman, this weeks’ top scoring batter, hit a Grand Slam that also put a dagger in Matt Harvey’s day. Aaron was unable to recover and fell by 23 points. Mike A. took what seemed to be an imminent loss on Sunday morning and made it very interesting after stellar outings by Lopez and Eflin, and a rare Kenley Jansen implosion. Fortunately for me, a rain shortened save by Chapman and a bad-but-not-awful Wainwright outing were enough to hold off any late heroics. Finally, Jason and Logan’s matchup literally went down to the wire as they were tied at one point during Sunday night baseball. A late surge by Quintana wasn’t enough for the defending champ as he fell to Logan by 7pts.

Headline Making Trades

· The trade market began relatively slow the first couple days until Mike traded Castellanos and Dakota Hudson (Who?) for Robbie Ray and Miguel Cabrera. Mike was very willing to cut ties with Castellanos after a slow start in exchange for former stalwart Miggy and volatile but intriguing Robbie Ray. Yahoo had Mike winning this trade big but the groupme was surprisingly mum because just like when Dr. Strange gave the time stone to Thanos, you just have to trust he knows what he’s doing in the end.

· A big 3 for 3 trade injected some life into the league mid-week as Johnny sent Realmuto, Odor, and noted personal favorite Noah Syndergaard to Aaron for Tim Anderson, Villar, and young stud Luis Castillo. This trade instantly paid off as Thor immediately went out and threw a 40pt shutout for Aaron. Seriously guys, I thought we were gonna have to put Johnny on watch after this one so he wouldn’t jump off the roof. At least we got some quality memes out of it. While only time will tell who wins this trade overall, something tells me Aaron had a giant grin on his face after Syndergaard’s performance while thinking of Johnny’s aggressive comments about his trading earlier in the year.

· Another Splash was made on Sunday (At 3:18am, seriously guys) as Ryan sent Tyler Glasnow to Eric for Patrick Corbin and Brandon “Can’t make it through 5” Woodruff. When asked for comment about this trade on Sunday morning Manager Ryan, smelling strongly of tequila and still holding a BAC above the legal driving limit, responded “Shit so that’s what I did last night”. Well bud, look at the bright side – at least it wasn’t Jose Altuve.

· Finally, Jason sent Daniel Norris to Trent in exchange for Jason Vargas, in a deal that’s an early contender for most pointless swap of the year. The only good to come out of this was the immediate, albeit probably unfair, harassment commissioner Jason got in the groupme for having an illegal roster post trade for an hour

· Eric “I don’t really trade (c. 2018)” Hannmann was in the thick of things this week with 2 trades, but perhaps the biggest impact short-term came from the trade that never was. Eric offered Mike Swanson (22pts Sunday) for Brooks (0 Pts Sunday) in yet another seemingly pointless offer. However, had the trade been completed, it would’ve won Mike his matchup.

Groupme & Misc. Observations

· Yahoo fantasy writers are becoming comedians with their player updates (stop getting cute and give me my damn news)

· Out of context groupme quote of the week “Adam Eaton’s Stache has power”

· We spent at least 3 hours talking about sweet tea and caffeinated beverages

· CC should go into the Hall of Fame as a Yankee, but Ryan will never concede this

· Lorenzo Cain being traded 3 times in a season will be brought up every year for the rest of time

· I laughed at my own Syndergaard memes way too hard

· Cody might be the only guy ever to say “Guys are you seeing the porn being filmed in Minnesota? Twins are dominating some chick named Houston” then complain about having to silence his groupme in church the same week

· Jason complaining about people making 3am moves sparking a debate that can’t be resolved for 10 months

· Cody visited New York City and attended the Twins-Yankees game (Solid seats I might add). There he was able to see a sight more common than a NYC subway rat – a Minnesota L in the Bronx. Although the Yankees stadium burger he consumed looked like it 50/50 could’ve given him cancer (my B for not giving recommendations) at least he got to witness our lord and savior, Gary Sanchez, go deep twice

· Eric can start a phone sex business where Jason is his only customer and he just rattles off very obscure stats and fun facts about things in are league

· After the Glasnow trade, I haven’t seen such a fierce debate over risk since the Cryptocurrency bubble

Full Week 5 Results

NYC Midtown Uniforms (4-1) vs. I GOT WOOD (0-5) 314.75 – 296.75

· In another matchup in a head-to-head series that’s been very intriguing over the years, I finally best Mike after a series of tough losses. Led by Martin Perez (30pts), Julio Teheran (28pts), and George Springer (26.5pts), I was able to hold off a Sunday surge from Mike. Gary Sanchez also continued his power surge with 3 dingers (21pts). Zach Eflin (23pts), Anthony DeSclafani (21pts), and Tanner Roark (20pts) all put up solid weeks as Mike’s pitching staff did the heavy lifting this week scoring 170 pts. I hold 2^nd place behind Eric, while Mike drops to a tough luck 0-5. Don’t count out the former champ yet this early in the season – as long as Mike STILL has wood, he always has a fighting chance

LongBeachInSalenCats (4-1) – Joliet Pen Manatees (3-2) 308.25 – 301.25

· In has what has become a sorta fucked up tradition for Jason-Logan matchups, Logan changed his name to “YourSisterIsStillHot”. Unfortunately, Logan did not get his comeuppance as Jason fell in a nail biter. Logan was back by fantastic showings from Mike Soroka (51pts), Spencer Turnbull (40pts), and Anthony Rizzo (32.75pts). Chris Sale (29pts) also finally gave Logan a glimmer of hope after dealing Arenado. Jason’s strong effort was led by usual suspects Andrew Benintendi (28.75pts), Mookie Betts (26pts), and Stephen Strasburg (24pts). Brad Hand also put up a solid showing (28pts). Jason slides into 5^th

Daddy Warbuxton (4-1) – Bombs Go Kieboom (2-3) 343.50 – 215.50

· If it makes Johnny feel any better about the trade, not even Thor himself could’ve saved him this week. Eric continued his strong start and added to his first place cushion with a low stress W this week. Eric was led by studs Nolan Arenado (35pts), Kyle Hendriks (34pts), and several balanced contributions from the whole roster. Johnny was able to salvage a couple bright spots in an otherwise tough week with Gerrit Cole (33pts) and Caleb Smith (26pts). Johnny and his revamped roster will turn to next week to turn this young season around.

Team Filler (1-4) – Weed Pirahnas (2-3) 281.25 – 217.50

· Team Filler for the W! Guess that means Tony can finally change his name back now. In what proved to be a very anticlimactic affair, Tony was able to pull out a Gritty W against the injury weakened Weed Pirahnas, reeling from yet another IL loss in James Paxton. Rick Porcello (49pts), Zack Greinke (37pts), and Ketel Marte (34pts) all put up monsters weeks to propel Tony to victory. Justin Verlander (31pts) and fan favorite Nick Markakis (27pts) were bright spots for Trent this week.

Anders’s Team (4-1) – Wichita SodaMammoths (2-3) 332.00 – 266.50

· The new kid on the block continues to impress, as Der’s proves his team is for real more and more every week. Ozzie Albies and Josh Hader led the way for Ders (31pts each). Jacob deGrom also bounced back nicely (22pts). Kris Bryant (28pts) and Max Fried (25pts) put up strong performances for Cody’s team. Der’s holds his lead in the Contender’s division, while Cody drops to 2-3 on the season. Don’t let the record fool you, Cody is still in the top 5 in points after this week. Much like the Twins .263 win percentage against the Yankees since 2002, he’s just faced some tough luck.

Rhys’ Pieces (2-3) – JudgeJuryExecutioner (2-3) 356.00 – 333.00

· Bregman played hero for Ecc in another matchup decided late in the day on Sunday. The midweek addition of Noah Syndergaard and return of Miguel Andujar wasn’t quite enough for A-A-ron to pull out the W. Besides Bregman (40.5pts), Michael Chavis (34.5pts) and Will Smith (32pts) put up stellar weeks for Ecc. Noah (40pts) and Mondesi (34pts) led the charge for Aaron’s team. Both teams find themselves right in the thick of things at 8^th and 9^th place respectively heading into Week 6.

WE WANT KLUBER (3-2) – Duffman LOWE YEAH! (2-3) 436.00 – 203.00

· WOW, you don’t usually see a guy put up numbers like this the same week he made a drunk trade. Ryan, still angry about auto-draft, Kluber’s injury, or who knows at this point, unleashed his fully functional death star and annihilated poor Casey. His margin of victory (233pts) was more than 3 different teams scored this week (sorry guys). WE WANT KLUBER was led by unlikely hero Jake Odorizzi (53pts), as well as Zach Davies (39pts), Jon Lester (32pts), and Rafael Devers (37.25pts). Jose Abreu (31pts) and Domingo German (23pts) played solid in a futile effort for Casey’s team.

Stars of the Week

Batting

1. Alex Bregman – 40.50 (Rhys’ Pieces)

2. Rafael Devers – 37.25 (WE WANT KLUBER)

3. Nolan Arenado –35.00 (Daddy WarBuxton)

4. Michael Chavis – 34.50 (Rhys’ Pieces)

5. Adalberto Mondesi – 34.00 (JudgeJuryExecutioner)

Pitching

1. Jake Odorizzi – 53.00 (WE WANT KLUBER)

2. Mike Soroka – 51.00 (LongBeachInSalenCats)

3. Rick Porcello –49.00 (Team Filler)

4. Spencer Turnbull – 40.00 (LongBeachInSalenCats)

5. Noah Syndergaard (In 1 Start!) – 40.00 (JudgeJuryExecutioner)