I believe in a safe environment at school.

During 5th grade I stopped feeling safe at school. I was bullied by several of my classmates and wanted to quit all my schoolwork, but the stubborn part of my brain that doesn’t like to quit kept me going. I kept to myself and didn’t tell anyone what I was going through because I didn’t know how to talk about it or how to describe what was going on.

I became paranoid about every glance shot my way, every time I heard someone whisper my name. The bullying made me even more insecure about myself. Who I was. What I looked like. Me in general. These insecurities have stuck with me and I still struggle even now. These insecurities are one of the reasons I don’t like public speaking. Every time I start to speak and someone in the audience starts to snicker or whisper to their friends I start to shut down.

Shutting down led to bottleing up my feelings. Bottleing up my feelings used to work for me, but throughout the years my mask has started to slip. Built up feelings burst through the dam I’ve put up to protect myself and I feel horrible about myself and others. I have been bottleing up my feelings since before 5th grade and let me tell you. It just makes everything worse.

These things that I did, and still do, make me different and it’s hard when you’re different. To make friends. To be yourself. To trust people. I have had trouble making friends since before 5th grade so it’s been hard finding friends who I trust and know are going to support me.

No child should have to go through school being an unsafe environment. I know I went through a different experience than other people that made my school environment feel unsafe. No one else could have my experience because they aren’t me. But it also means that they didn’t know how to help me. It's a problem all over the world and it’s important to address these problems and do our best to fix them or reduce them.

I wish I had had more support during 5th grade. I wish people had been nicer during 5th grade. I wish I had had better friends during 5th grade. All of these are things I needed during 5th grade but I didn’t have the ability to ask for them. Because I was shy. Because I didn’t feel supported. It’s a cycle that is hard to break but once you find the right group of people, it starts to get better.