Meaningful Relationships

If any parent were to ask their daughters what topic I have spoken about in assemblies more than any other, it surely must be that of the ubiquitous cellphone. I aroused amusement in one assembly by comparing it to a peacock - something of beauty but with a terrible voice. The misuse of a cell phone ruins relationships undermines confidence, creates insecurity.

I am currently reading a very interesting book by a past Headmistress of St Paul’s Girls’ School in London entitled ‘The Making of Her’. It is a challenging look at girls’ education today and one of the chapters is on the effect of social media on our children. She quotes the stats which indicate that fifty years ago, the average age for the onset of depression was thirty. Aided by the cell phone, the average onset of depression today is at younger than fifteen years of age. Stats are also saying that this generation of schoolchildren is ten times more likely to suffer depression than their grandparents. We have all seen photographs of young people sitting in restaurants, at social gatherings or just in groups in our Springfield gardens where all are staring at cell phones. They are physically together, but mentally light-years away from one another.

We are constantly being told that the world has become a ‘global village’. The Corona Virus is a case in point. We can now connect electronically with anyone anywhere at the click of a button and instantly become aware of global issues. While this awareness of events and issues is laudable, the paradox is very evident. Immediate connectivity ensures that our children are isolating themselves from real relationships and becoming ensnared in their own private virtual worlds. In this space, they can say what would be difficult to express face to face. They can use a language they would not dream of using in the real world. The cell phone frees them from taking accountability for their comments. It becomes a way for our children to seek validation for themselves and to gain a recognition which would be more difficult in the light of day. They might accumulate Facebook ‘friends’, but they cannot forge meaningful relationships.

In all my years of running a school, I have become convinced that creating a positive culture is the way to combat a negative self-image. We never have to pretend that the world is perfect, or that our girls will never fail, but we can instil behaviours which teach them how to cope and indeed flourish, in a world which is fast-moving and ever-changing.

That is why we must never under-rate extra murals in a school where girls have the opportunity to lose themselves (together with others) in conspiring to kill off Julius Caesar in our current school production; in sharing the delights of playing music in one of our bands; in forging long-lasting friendships on sports fields.

That is why we have our ‘Wellness’ sessions and our ‘Island Days’ where issues affecting teenagers are discussed as they learn to cope with a world which must seem to them to be overwhelming and confusing.

That is why we have started our ‘Connect’ groups where teachers realise the importance of pastoral care in the promotion of good mental health. These ‘family’ groups are safe havens where girls can feel safe in the knowledge that their connect teacher and the rest of the group have their backs not only in the hurly-burly of school life but also in the hustle and bustle of daily life.

In these groups, which consist of girls from every grade, the good connect teachers are drawing together every facet of girls’ lives including academic, extra-mural and social. They help to instil the values of the school and assist the girls through challenging times. Good schools who are adapting to the mental health 21st-century issues brought about by the cell phone and instant communication know that character education is as important as academic education – maybe even more so.

Good connect teachers will understand the meaning of ‘mindfulness’ which is a term used more and more in the business world to alleviate stress. It really just means switching off cell phones, being quiet, actively listening to others, thinking through issues and contributing to discussions where necessary.

At the end of next week, reports will be issued. For the first time, they will include pertinent comments from Connect Teachers whose role is to be a champion of your daughter and at the same time to be her critical mentor.

May this be the start for parents of a journey with your Connect Teacher which will enable you at your daughter’s valedictory service to say: We did a good job.

Keith Richardson

Headmaster