Coping with Failure: A Parents’ Guide to Sport

A few years back I was asked to write an article on school sport for The Argus. This is a synopsis of it – adapted for the start of the winter sports season at Springfield.

Of all Mankind’s great inventions (with the arguable exception of the cell phone!), few have succeeded in capturing the imagination more than music and sport. Both have a powerful fascination in that they have the power to inspire, to enthuse, to entertain.

Regrettably at schools, we sometimes find ourselves sidelining the notion that sport is primarily a learning experience. The camaraderie and fellowship of teamwork, the sense of belonging to something greater than ourselves, the feeling of triumphing over adversity, the resilience in fighting back, the commitment needed to ensure competence are overlooked in our desire for wanting our children to succeed.

Somehow through all this, we forget that in the hierarchy of values of a school, sportsmanship must be ranked only marginally below that of ethos and scholarship. Adults, including coaches, parents and referees, should be unified in ensuring the time-honoured ethics of sport are maintained on our school sports fields – that we teach our children to handle selection (or non-selection), to play hard, but fairly; to accept defeat and smile when shaking the hand of an opponent; to be competitive but at the same time co-operative because, without your opponent, there is no game.

Whatever the level of the team, we want our girls to learn the lessons of sport – because they are lessons in life. In the end, these lessons will develop confidence and self-esteem and she will learn, as a young sportswoman, that bitterness and sweetness are opposite sides of the same coin.

As they advance through high school, our young Springfield sportswomen soon realize that their natural talent which carried them through Junior School is no longer enough. As the competition becomes keener, those players start coming to the fore who were lucky enough to learn the lesson early in their school lives that only commitment to hard work and the ability to fight back from disappointments are the foundations for a successful sporting life.

The role of parents in the development of any sportswoman is vital. In my teaching career, I have seldom come across a truly successful school sportsperson who was not well parented. Parental support, as opposed to parental pressure, invariably determines whether a young player will learn the proper lessons.

With this in mind, I give the following advice to parents of girls playing sport:

• Support your daughter by attending the matches, whatever side she is in.
• Always be there for her, especially in the ‘down’ times.
• Praise effort and commitment – much more than results.
• Never criticize the Coach as it will confuse the players. It not only divides loyalty but offers an excuse for underperforming.
• Never over-emphasize winning as it will only lead to a fear of failure.
• Be a true sporting spectator. Let the referee handle the game and the coach do the coaching. Your job is supporting.
• Trust the school and its sports staff. Just like you, they want what is best for the girls.
• Keep Whats App to its true purpose – as a tool for communicating facts rather than opinions.

In wanting what is best for their daughters, parents hate seeing them disappointed. When every adult understands that the real reason for playing sport is to nurture our youngsters to play their games in the true spirit, ethics and ethos of sport, then it becomes a wonderful bridge for bringing the generations together. If learning to cope with setbacks and failures does not happen early in life, then a collision with reality will inevitably happen sometime in the future, where there will be no safety net of the school to bring them to earth gently.

Some years ago in America, the authorities imposed a noise ban on parents and coaches in the Northern Ohio Girls Soccer League. Spectators were instructed to keep their cheers and criticism to themselves and not to make any sound.

Some parents waved signs; others put duct tape over their mouths to stay quiet. Goals and saves were met by smiles and nods of approval from parents and coaches. This was an effort to put the sport back into perspective that it is not for the glory of the school, not for the ego of the coaches, not for the ambition of the parents but school sport is played solely for the benefit of the players.

There is no doubt that sport can play a pivotal role in education and it is our job as parents and teachers to use it to assist our children to cope with the pressures of today’s highly competitive world.

As we prepare for our winter season ahead, I hope that our girls have a coach like mine at school who once said to me: “The next sixty minutes which you are about to play will never be repeated. Enjoy every minute.’

Keith Richardson

Headmaster

Important Reminders:

* Tomorrow Thursday is the last days where books can come in for the Fair’s bookstall. Please can every family try to donate a packet of second hand books.

* Reminder of parental conversation with Sister Kathy regarding the new Springfield constitution in the Study Hall at 18.00 tomorrow Thursday. If there are too many parents, we will move to the Centenary Hall.