Phractured Phaerie Tails
Tailspinner's Yarns
Being a ridiculous compendium of spontaneous corny drivelizations
Yep, that is me in action, spinning a yarn again, of course
Yao Chi Spinning a Yarn by Layra
Entry, the first:
The Dragon and The Gorge
talatsjomimiteh: *chuckle* aye. usually when you start talking about Yao Chi, I just let you go... even if the material is familiar, I still enjoy reading the poetic way you put it across ;-)
BIue Moon Dragon: you are kind.
talatsjomimiteh: heh. I'm a sucker for a good story,
BIue Moon Dragon: And I do love to tell tales.
* * * * * *
BIue Moon Dragon: A long time ago, in a cave in a tall mountain in a distant land, there lived a large and powerful dragon.
talatsjomimiteh: *grins broadly and settles down for some serious storytelling*
BIue Moon Dragon: And it was a very powerful dragon. In fact it was the most powerful dragon in all the land.
talatsjomimiteh: *listens*
BIue Moon Dragon: Indeed, it was powerful for a very good reason. You see, the beautiful spring in front of the dragon's cave was empty and dry. This caused the immense dragon no end of distress.
BIue Moon Dragon: So why was the spring dry one might ask ? Well some months and 29 days earlier, the local water district had performed aquifer adjustments. Nothing radical, just to increase the flow of springs, near the village.
BIue Moon Dragon: Now when they did this, it diverted the amazing mineral water which used to flow into the dragon's very own spring.
talatsjomimiteh: *snickers, then resumes listening*
BIue Moon Dragon: Being a dragon, and not completely naive, the dragon suspected the cause. It had naturally observed the engineering going on in the valley when on its periodic flights.
BIue Moon Dragon: Well, it was of course not terribly happy about the loss of its beautiful spring, in fact it was somewhat irritated.
BIue Moon Dragon: OK , it was quite ticked off.
BIue Moon Dragon: So it went to pay a visit to the villagers to find out what was up. And to make a request.
BIue Moon Dragon: well, actually to the village it sounded more like a demand.
BIue Moon Dragon: of the or else type.
talatsjomimiteh: (hehheh)
BIue Moon Dragon: Now the dragon was not of the malicious sort. It lived by a code of live and let live.
BIue Moon Dragon: well, sort of.
BIue Moon Dragon: It ate when it felt like eating and tended to eat what was at hand, but at least it did not go out of its way to make a nuisance of itself.
BIue Moon Dragon: Most of the time.
BIue Moon Dragon: But it really really missed its spring.
BIue Moon Dragon: And why should it not be ticked off ? It had been living in this very cave with its parents when humans still had tails and were chattering up in the trees.
talatsjomimiteh: *follows the story avidly*
BIue Moon Dragon: It had watched generations of them come and go. Observed the cultures generate and degenerate in regular, but otherwise somewhat comforting cycles.
BIue Moon Dragon: But,
BIue Moon Dragon: Then they began to have public works departments.
BIue Moon Dragon: And the whole world began to go to hell.
BIue Moon Dragon: And now, the grand old dragon had experienced the travesty of public works for its very own self.
talatsjomimiteh: *wry smile*
BIue Moon Dragon: I mean, not even a hearing to appropriate the dragon's spring, it was simply taken by caveat and without a thought to compensating the venerated old scaley.
BIue Moon Dragon: And so, having made its passionate request of the city fathers (those mothers), the dragon returned to its ravaged home and sat in the mouth of its cave brooding at the empty pool beneath its dead spring.
BIue Moon Dragon: It sighed, in a great heaving way such as is the native way for the greatest of dragons. Any creature in its vicinity would have felt the depth of the dragon's grief, if it had not already become lunch of course.
BIue Moon Dragon: And there it lay, and took a short nap. Such as rates as a short nap for any dragon of decent reputation.
talatsjomimiteh: *listens in anticipation*
BIue Moon Dragon: Fortunately, the brief naps of dragons can go for many days, well actually even weeks or months. This turned out to be a good thing, especially considering the basic nature of bureaucracy.
talatsjomimiteh: *nods in agreement!*
BIue Moon Dragon: For in the city council and the committees, and offices of the publics works departments who were indeed concerned about the rather strong remarks of the ancient old beast, they were even more concerned with office politics.
BIue Moon Dragon: And thus, as is a rule of nature as immutable as the laws of physics. It took a very long time to process the reams of documentation created by the dragon's impressive demonstration before the city council.
BIue Moon Dragon: First, they had to decide the nature of the dragon's complaint.
BIue Moon Dragon: Then the various departments had to decide who was responsible for the processing of the documents. And as one would anticipate (of course) some papers had to go here ,and some had to go there, and another rule, (perhaps Murphy's) some very important ones were required to become lost while others were misrouted.
BIue Moon Dragon: Now these are all very important procedures within bureaucracies and must always be followed without fail.
BIue Moon Dragon: And so they were.
BIue Moon Dragon: Time passed.
BIue Moon Dragon: Summer, when the spring had been diverted, passed on into fall.
talatsjomimiteh: *shakes head but continues to listen*
BIue Moon Dragon: The harvest festival was held and folks generally did not think about the poor abused beast.
BIue Moon Dragon: So also was the Winter solstice festival held in the mid winter and indoors and to much hoopla and the consumption of massive quantities of decayed fruits and grains.
BIue Moon Dragon: (In their liquid form)
BIue Moon Dragon: And still the complaint of the dragon remained only partially processed.
talatsjomimiteh: (shakes head again)
BIue Moon Dragon: But eventually, those gears of the system which hardly ever grind exceeding fine but do grind and mess things up exceedingly well, finally ground out documents and judgements by the ream.
BIue Moon Dragon: The history of relations between mankind and dragons were researched, the mythology considered and also the resources at hand and to the availability of the city fathers (those sons of....) were reviewed and a decision was made.
BIue Moon Dragon: A proclamation was made and a sort of draft was put into effect. Not a wind. A calling up of eligible candidates.
talatsjomimiteh: (in the immortal words of Samuel Beckett... "oh boy...")
BIue Moon Dragon: More forms were filled out and sent to various departments for processing thereby creating lots of work for public employees and all those hogs feeding at the public trough. And from all of the possible persons who could solve the problem, one was selected.
BIue Moon Dragon: And amazingly, only 18 months had passed since the initial complaint of the dragon was made, noted and filed.
BIue Moon Dragon: It was fall of the next year. And the patient dragon was busy executing another nap.
BIue Moon Dragon: (It was very good at executing naps, having had millennia of years to perfect its napping skills)
BIue Moon Dragon: And so one day, the dragon was awakened by a rather persistent and irritating rapping upon its snout.
BIue Moon Dragon: One can expect that this rather rattled the dragon, being used to living and let live and all.
BIue Moon Dragon: But being such as that is, the dragon opened its startled eyes to see what was interrupting its peaceful snoozing.
BIue Moon Dragon: And there it was.
BIue Moon Dragon: Standing right there before its muzzle.
BIue Moon Dragon: Brazen.
talatsjomimiteh: *snickers*
BIue Moon Dragon: Confident
BIue Moon Dragon: Selected by draft, testing, the filling out of many documents and forms and otherwise successfully negotiating the traps, pitfalls and petty politics of human bureaucracy.
BIue Moon Dragon: A human.
BIue Moon Dragon: A female human.
talatsjomimiteh: *baps forehead, then resumes listening*
BIue Moon Dragon: Dressed in a bright and gaudy gown and with a pointy hat on her head from which dangled a bit of windswept gauze for traditional effect.
BIue Moon Dragon: The dragon blinked.
BIue Moon Dragon: "Er, what ?" It uttered in befuddlement.
talatsjomimiteh: *blinks too*
BIue Moon Dragon: The young lady, performing her civic duty brought forth from within her bodice, a rolled scroll of document, wrapped in ribbon and sealed with the finest of scented waxes at an actual meeting of the city council and with the appropriate form number and production approval date appended to the bottom.
BIue Moon Dragon: And as you can guess, she began to read.
BIue Moon Dragon: Out loud.,
talatsjomimiteh: *rolls eyes and grins*
BIue Moon Dragon: As the print was rather small for a dragon to read, if, a dragon could read.
BIue Moon Dragon: One never knows does one ?
BIue Moon Dragon: The City Council of ......... and yada yada yada ,she droned on and on.
BIue Moon Dragon: If she would have bothered to look, she would have seen the dragon eventually go crosseyed trying to follow bureau-speak, which as we all know, even bureaucrats do not understand.
talatsjomimiteh: *is crosseyed just thinking about it*
BIue Moon Dragon: But eventually she finished the proclamation and then smiled at the dragon and cheerily said:
BIue Moon Dragon: "And so here I am to do with as you wish."
talatsjomimiteh: *snorts*
BIue Moon Dragon: Once again the dragon blinked.
BIue Moon Dragon: and blinked again.
BIue Moon Dragon: Then it turned its head this way and that to see who else was in on the joke.
BIue Moon Dragon: There was nobody else.
BIue Moon Dragon: Nope
BIue Moon Dragon: Just the dragon and the maiden.
talatsjomimiteh: *chuckles*
BIue Moon Dragon: So the dragon was quite nonplussed.
BIue Moon Dragon: "erm" it said.
BIue Moon Dragon: and blinked again.
BIue Moon Dragon: It had no idea what to do next.
BIue Moon Dragon: "I am afraid I have no clue what you are doing here, young lady."
BIue Moon Dragon: The maiden seemed rather disappointed at that rather straightforward statement.
talatsjomimiteh: *takes a moment to relish the word nonplussed... then resumes listening*
BIue Moon Dragon: You see, she had been psyching herself up and steeling her resolve for most of the Summer and was now quite confused herself.
BIue Moon Dragon: "But you are supposed to rape and ravage me." She stated bluntly to the dragon. "Look here, packed on the horse I have brought with me. chains, a post...."
talatsjomimiteh: *refrains from trying to figure out the anatomical possibilities of how a dragon could rape a maiden... shudders... and goes back to listening... and snorts at the mentioned provisions*
BIue Moon Dragon: The dragon blinked at the young maiden, then turned its head and blinked back into the empty maw of the cavern. Therein, still lay a few remains of eggs hatched long ago.
BIue Moon Dragon: The dragon remembered laying them. So many years ago.
BIue Moon Dragon: And watching them hatch.
BIue Moon Dragon: It then turned its massive head to gaze upon the maiden again.
BIue Moon Dragon: Frankly, it was beginning to feel rather ill.
BIue Moon Dragon: It had awakened with an appetite, but did not have one anymore.
BIue Moon Dragon: It looked upon the maiden once again and stated a bald truth. "I do not wish to do that, and frankly cannot think of any dragon that would find even the thought anything less than revolting.
talatsjomimiteh: *wry smiles*
BIue Moon Dragon: Both blinked at one another, now they were both rather confused. And incidentally perplexed as well.
BIue Moon Dragon: "Well then" the maiden exclaimed in irritation, "I guess we should get on with the rest of it then."
BIue Moon Dragon: Now the dragon became very concerned.
BIue Moon Dragon: "Rest of it ?"
BIue Moon Dragon: "Why of course," the maiden replied "Where you dismember me and eat me all up !"
BIue Moon Dragon: The dragon drew back in alarm.
BIue Moon Dragon: And made the oddest sound.
talatsjomimiteh: *heh*
BIue Moon Dragon: Well perhaps maybe not the oddest sound.
BIue Moon Dragon: Maybe you have heard it yourself.
BIue Moon Dragon: Have you ever gagged.
BIue Moon Dragon: ? talatsjomimiteh: *nods*
BIue Moon Dragon: well it was a gagging sound.
BIue Moon Dragon: The dragon's gorge was attempting to rise in its throat.
BIue Moon Dragon: Now this is nasty for almost any creature, but to have your gorge rise when you have a throat as long as a dragon does, is a rather dramatic thing. And very unpleasant, especially for you if the long neck is your own.
talatsjomimiteh: *tries to not imagine*
BIue Moon Dragon: So the dragon drew way back and away from the maiden for after all, even dragons have a sense of decorum.
BIue Moon Dragon: Even so, the gorge was moving much faster than the dragon realized and in an eyeblink the dragon lost an entire meal.
BIue Moon Dragon: There is an upside though.
BIue Moon Dragon: The dragon did feel a little bit better
talatsjomimiteh: (I wanna hear the rest, but I am really seriously needing to go to bed...)
BIue Moon Dragon: Though there was a bit of a burning sensation in that very long throat. And a bad taste in the mouth. (almost done)
BIue Moon Dragon: Of course the maiden was not so lucky, for she was
BIue Moon Dragon: well drenched.
talatsjomimiteh: ewwwwww.....
BIue Moon Dragon: But oddly not the least bit discomfited by the situation, all things considered.
BIue Moon Dragon: And especially by the odor.
BIue Moon Dragon: Especially NOT by the odor.
BIue Moon Dragon: Which was quite remarkable.
BIue Moon Dragon: For the gorge of a dragon has the most remarkable odor and most folks would pass out.
talatsjomimiteh: *is now curious about the maiden*
BIue Moon Dragon: But the maiden was completely unperturbed.
BIue Moon Dragon: Even the dragon was perplexed and began to apologize profusely.
BIue Moon Dragon: And then had to ask, "Doesn't the smell bother you at all ?"
BIue Moon Dragon: "Smell ? What smell ?", the maiden replied.
talatsjomimiteh: *raised eyebrow*
BIue Moon Dragon: "Of that." the dragon pointed with a wicked talon.
BIue Moon Dragon: "It has an odor ?" The maiden replied.
BIue Moon Dragon: "Oh most assuredly it does, I guarantee to you that it does." The dragon stated and then shuddered.
BIue Moon Dragon: "So you cannot smell that, at all ?" queried the great dragon.
BIue Moon Dragon: "Nope, not a bit." Replied the maiden.
BIue Moon Dragon: The dragon crouched there for a moment and then asked: "Can you smell anything ?'
BIue Moon Dragon: "Oh my no" laughed the maiden. "The council very specifically said that I had to have no sense of smell whatsoever or I could not have the job."
BIue Moon Dragon: "Oh" responded the very confused dragon.
talatsjomimiteh: (if this is gonna take another 15 minutes, I cannot stay up for it... getting a headache...)
BIue Moon Dragon: "Indeed" said the maiden. "They told me that I was going on a mission to the strongest dragon in the whole wide world. They guaranteed that is verifiably true and if they tell me, then I believe it is true."
BIue Moon Dragon: the dragon blinked.
BIue Moon Dragon: "Why when did you last bathe ?" asked the maiden of the dragon.
BIue Moon Dragon: "Not for almost two years since my spring was drained." Replied the great beast.
BIue Moon Dragon: "well there it is then." laughed the maiden. "you are most truly the strongest dragon in the whole wide world. You need a bath !"
BIue Moon Dragon: The dragon blinked. And then blinked several times more.
* * * * * *
BIue Moon Dragon: The maiden was never seen again.
talatsjomimiteh: heh...
talatsjomimiteh: was good... ought to post that in CREATE... *hugs* sorry rushed you... sleepy hit fast...
BIue Moon Dragon: And the location of the village, in later years became somewhat of a mystery, and some contend that the village never existed at all.
talatsjomimiteh: heh. sleep well and dream well, you
BIue Moon Dragon: You to.
talatsjomimiteh signed off at 0:16:07 AM.
BIue Moon Dragon: And yet, in a cave in a tall mountain in a distant land, there lives yet a large and powerful dragon. A very very very powerful dragon in fact.
BIue Moon Dragon: And that very very powerful dragon remembers a lot of stuff about a lot of things. Including the ancient location of a village that found out what ‘or else’ really means.
Der Floofinator should apologize for these, but he refuses to do so.