The night is cold. Soft white snow flakes descend from the skies and settle on the cobble stones outside a small, quaint theater. A couple exits the theatre huddled together. They laugh and joke as they walk further away from the theatre. The scene pans out, the snow falls even harder. The couple looks small in contrast to their empty surroundings.
The young woman shivers and huddles closer to her partner to keep warm.
She whispers something softly in her lover’s ear:
“Oooh, I’m pekish for some hot chocolate” she says biting her bottom lip.
“Me too…” he whispers back “I’ve got some at mine” he smiles.
“Make it Las Piedras and it’s a deal”. She kisses him softly on the cheek, looks straight at the studio camera and winks.
Announcer: "Las Piedras Hot Chocolate. Nice succulent cocoa beans picked from the wild jungles of South America for that great cocoa taste…"
* * *
I’m dead and all I am reliving is some naff television advert? I guess it helps me pass the time here, nowhere…my body? Am I just mind? Isn’t mind just brain or am I soul? Why is it dark? Oh wait, false alarm, I see a light…the muddle is slowly clearing; I hear voices all around me, one voice stands out above from the rest, one much closer to me…
“And as you can all observe your hero is dead…”
The words resound in my ears. I jerk, cough and splutter, I feel my lungs burn as I feel myself breathing softly. I finally feel as part of the world again as I regain the feeling of my limbs.
My sight is back, I see colour, I feel…but, where am I? I turn my head to look at the person who had been speaking. His is face pale and his mouth agape as his eyes focus on me. I stagger a bit as I try to stand. I realize I am standing on a podium and wearing a cut noose on my neck. Before me stands a crowd as amazed as the man next to me.
Their dress is dirty, and tatty compared to the lavish frock the man next to me ports. It seems to me after I got lost I stumbled into the set of some sort of medieval documentary. As I am about to speak and apologize, a very unkempt old lady hollers “Miracle!” to which the rest of the crowd responds to by kneeling at my feet.
The lavishly dressed man next to me lets a whisper escape his lips “Impossible…he hung, he died…” I look at him, and search his body language to find any clue of what to do. I find nothing. So I decide to play along.
“Nothing is impossible!” I say in a deep dramatic voice. “The man in the sky has told me so” I figure if I do this right I might be offered a job on the set… “We are all capable of great things…he favored me to tell you all this” I bowed to the crowd and they cheered.
One from the crowd shouted “Felix is favored, the Duke is false!” which made the man next to me turn even paler. Others just began to chant “Felix, Felix, Felix…”
“Who the hell is Felix?” I thought to myself
“Felix has come to save us!”
“Yes, from the tyranny of this monster!” I said pointing at the man next to me. I was getting a bit carried away but the feeling of rallying this crowd was great. When was the director going to yell cut? I must say the cameras are really well hidden.
“The Boy lies! I am a noble! God has favored me from birth!”
“You are mistaken, you have them in this state of poverty while you live in riches…I say loot the noble, spread it amongst yourselves!” at that the crowd cheered. And I felt the power, bestowed upon me by the director. “Make me your leader and I will free you!”
“These serfs cannot possibly match the royal guards” the noble guffawed.
“You ignorant fool…” I said softly to the Duke, with a chilling 'action hero' stare.
“People REVOLT!” I bellowed.
The frenzied crowed acted on my command, and dispersed away from what seemed to be the town square where I still stood, amazed by my own performance.
“Hey, it was my first time…how did I do?” I said looking around at my surroundings.
“You have no idea what you have just done!” the Duke cried in dispair.
“Oh crap! Did I ruin the take? Am I going to get sued?”
“The King will not be pleased, and once again will ask for your head on a platter!”
“Man, stop it ok? The take is over…seriously, how well was my acting?”
“I knew it! How did you…”
“Born with it I suppose…”
“Born with it?” the noble’s face turned deathly white and he passed out, collapsing in a heap on the floor.
“Pah, actors! Always so dramatic…”
I looked at the noble’s limp body and shrugged my shoulders.
***
The riot was a violent one and quite entertaining. I was quite amazed at how real the fighting scenes looked. The blood, the screaming, the chopping sounds, very realistic! Well as is always the case in these types of documentaries, my side won and the proletarians beat the bourgeoisie, a happy end.
Yet, no one yelled cut. I was getting quite worried; my cameo role had turned into one of the main parts. And the people wanted a sturdy leader, and no one wanted to come out of character! These actors take their jobs way to seriously!
By the time the rich mansions had all been looted and all the nobles killed, night had fallen and a kind follower of mine had offered me shelter for the night.
His house was a very realistic hut, circa 1400s, nothing too out of the ordinary it seems someone did their research correctly.
I sat at a rudimentary wooden table contemplating my situation. It had now dawned on me that I might be stuck on a reality TV show. It was all starting to make sense…
“Felix...” a serf said while politely tapping his shoulder.
“Yes?” I looked up.
“Pray tell, how did you do it Master?” the serf asked bowing his head. “We all thought you had died when you hung”
“I really don’t know, I guess the Lord was on my side…”
"I believed you to be an atheist, sire" the serf said still staring at the floor.
"Please, call me Felix. And its common courtesy to look at the person you speak to" the serf looked at me for a brief moment and then returned his gaze to the floor.
"I apologize master…I am not worthy."
"How can you say such a thing? Today we fought against this kind of crap…don't enforce it."
"You are a very kind master."
"Thank you. Now I need your help. Listen carefully, I am Felix correct?"
"Yes Master, Felix the mercenary"
"Why was I getting hung?"
"Crimes against the crown, sire"
"What crown?"
"That of Sundry…sire are you feeling well?"
"Yes, just answer me. Have you got a map of some kind?"
"Yes sire, I will fetch the Tellüsian scroll…"
"Tellüsian scroll?" I pondered as the serf rushed off in search of the scroll. I drank a bit of my ale, which seemed a bit chunky, all for realism I suppose…
A few minutes later the serf returned with a scroll. He opened it and placed various objects at the edges to keep the animal skin plat on the table. The top of the map read Tellüs, the serf pointed at a portion of the map below it and said.
"The Kingdom of Sundry, sire"
"And the Tellüs?"
"All the earth amidst the seas of the flat beyond."
"Poetic…yet backwards. I must admit, well thought out"
"Pardon sire?"
© 2012 H Williams. All rights reserved