l. Loving Women

direct mini-link >> http://bit.ly/LovingWomen

Love is a verb.

We have to let our love call us to action.

a wonderful radical feminist I admire :)

---------------------------------------------------

Loving Women is the direct antidote to the vast & pervasive misogyny that makes all of our social (& internal) environments highly toxic, still. We kid ourselves in the 'developed west' that sexism is a thing of the past, or something that only affects women in the '3rd world' - this is part & parcel of the sexist propaganda that blinds us to just how very pervasive sexism is: that we do it to ourselves & each other, mostly unconsciously AND then justify it as ok when challenged on it.

An example of the double-think used to keep us all in denial is how we are presented for example with female genital mutilation as something violent, horrific and clearly misogynist (that some 'primitive people' do), but then the fact that women in the 'developed west' voluntarily* pay - with lots of money and pain - to have our labia, breasts, lips, and practically every part of our over-sexualized body cut & re-engineered ... that is just presented as a 'curious' or even 'very modern' totally ok thing. Of course the racism of this contradiction is also then totally ignored or viciously denied.

* Because really there is nothing 'voluntary' about it, if we become aware of and seriously consider the enormous pressures girls & women are under, to comply to totally random standards of 'femaleness'. It's all pure sexism, & there's in fact very little 'freedom of choice' most women who undergo these surgeries. But this is just one (physical, with clearly emotional roots) aspect of violence against women.

To kid ourselves that this massive violence directed at females is in any way dis-connected to how women leaders are treated, and female activists attacked, is then just further ignorance, denial & very deeply rooted sexism.Misogyny

See complete article in Wikipedia

"Though most common in men, misogyny also exists in and is practiced by women against other women or even themselves.

Misogyny functions as an ideology or belief system that has accompanied patriarchal, or male-dominated societies for thousands of years and continues to place women in subordinate positions with limited access to power and decision making. Aristotle contended that women exist as natural deformities or imperfect males. Ever since, women in Western cultures have internalised their role as societal scapegoats, influenced in the twenty-first century by multimedia objectification of women with its culturally sanctioned self-loathing and fixations on plastic surgery, anorexia and bulimia." ...

... AND in women attacking other women, especially women in leadership positions

(which is the focus of this research, as sisterhood amongst women is KEY in dismantling sexism).

Horizontal Hostility

From Deep Green Resistance, the book

Anti-Feminism

and anti-radical activism in general ... a particularly toxic trend in the corporate media for decades, but taken up and reinforced enthusiastically by an increasing number of people trying to get popular quickly in YouTube, it seems (bigotry sells big time so of course they ARE succeeding in being popular...)

Stella Aug'15 - THANKYOU Jenna Christian for cheering us up no end with your amazingly patient reply to (yet another) "why am not a feminist" video by a woman.

I remember seeing the beginning of a vicious anti-feminist media campaign that started just when the feminist movement in the UK in the 80s was gaining traction. The more powerful the feminist movement became (in terms of support and numbers at the protest actions, notably epic events like Greenham Common) the more vicious, irrational and hateful the propaganda machine against feminists became.

And note, NOT against feminism, the theory, body of work, political position (that would have been at least interesting) ... but, specifically, against feminists, as people. Because individualizing, picking on one rather than a group is always the first step in bullying, and this was (and is) no actual thought-through counter-argument, but a very emotive reaction to the status quo being profoundly threatened.

I loved Jenna's replies, and I noticed how evident it is that the attackers (of feminism) come from a much lower intellectual and ethics level - I hope that becomes obvious to others who come across these 'battles of ideas'.

Lauren stopped replying to Jenna just after Jenna's 2nd reply (perhaps not suprisingly, as the big imbalance of intelligence wasgetting pretty obvious)

... and her next gift to the world was this (other) video:

Check your Privilege

(about white privilege not existing)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvEvJaF0w2o

I don't usually repy to YouTube videos, mostly because the 'chatting audience' on there is known to be especially bigoted ... but, inspired by Jenna, I ventured to try with these ones:

(I love the logo, which shows a mother eagle using VIOLENCE - shock horror - to defend her nest)

"Horizontal hostility, a phrase coined by Florynce Kennedy in 1970,30 describes the destruction that happens when oppressed groups fight amongst themselves instead of fighting back against the powerful (Figure 3-1).

It’s a predictable behavior, and one against which we must guard.

A strategy of withdrawal risks exacerbating this tendency for the obvious reason that if you close off the possibility of fighting up the pyramid of hierarchy, the only people left to fight are each other."

Internalized Sexism

News & Updates

12aug15 - Added an AntiFeminism section. It's SO sad how much horizontal hostility there is amongst women! There are so many 'anti-feminist' videos on you tube by women. Yick. ^:( So it was great seeing a very wise, even-tempered response by a womens studies major, Jenna Christian ... cheered me up no end.

8Jul14 - lots been going on but haven't been keeping this up to date!

Thanks to Lou & Kat I've

www.integralwoman.net

Also recently joined the PermacultureWomensNetwork on FB, which seems to be a rare feminist-informed women's pc group! Finally... These are some links from there

Permaculture Women's Blogs

Please add yours so we can all read and follow!

Loretta Buckner: http://www.wegrowfromhere.wordpress.com

Flo Scott: http://permaculturedesigner.co.uk/blog/

Tamara Griffiths: http://tamaraandduckyhaveadventures.blogspot.com/

April Sampson-Kelly: http://permaculturevisions.com/just-add-people-how-to-host-a-permaculture-event/

12mar'14 - discovered the "Ban Bossy" campaign.

12Nov13 - Por fin... empezando a concretar un Grupo de Apoyo de Mujeres en la finca ... :) basado en todo esto.

26Sept13 - in talking with Diana today, about the third ethic (why it was changed, something she found interesting from the classes she's doing on our course) ...

I remembered these two articles we have in the e-book about all this, which are very relevant to this issue

Article in English

y en Español

Added La Unidad de las Mujeres (doc attached below, to this page) ... looking for the english - a brilliant article written by an El Salvadorean freedom fighter.

30Ago13 - yesterday Karryn (thankyou!) sent us the link of the article on Women in Permaculture that I was interviewed for, a while ago. And as the accusations of YET another of the victim-types which have plagued our projects are flying around at the moment, I put the link in my Facebook page

with this comment (since very recently ANOTHER sexist woman called me 'manipulative' for fighting to get to the truth about some sinister allegations she is making about our project).

Same sad old, old story...

Posted in a forum in the Wiser Women Empowered group, 31 May 2013

Am doing some research on how internal sexism affects women, focusing on how it distorts our relationships with other women, especially women in any kind of leadership position (taking charge of something, whether it's a family, a job, a project or group, etc.).

So am collecting stories from women who have experienced either -

1) great support from other women in times where they were under attack in any way (like when we are stepping out of traditionally 'feminine' ways of being, pushing our own comfort-zones, growing, etc.)

2) or have been put down, attacked or held down by other women during those times, or experienced women being the cause of bullying, put-downs, etc.

3) what have you noticed of sexism in your profession, groups or social setting, eg. where you get treated differently as a woman leader than men in your position?

Am doing this because am completely fed up with seeing how women often seem to be my worst enemies when it comes to moving on in my activism work, sometime to amazingly vicious degree, and I decided to see what I can learn from this, & how I can turn it into something useful for others as well as myself.

Am quite clear so far that it's simply another way that sexism affects us (& effectively keeps us from working together to dismantle it), & it's not 'women's fault' ... but it is our responsibility to do something about it & I think we'd certainly all benefit from talking about it openly & raising awareness of the mechanics of how it operates & keeps us confused & isolated, in a non-misogynistic context.

I mentioned this as a key thing I think we need to get better at (supporting other women in leadership) in the interview for wiser week's woman interview, http://blog.wiser.org/this-weeks-woman-stella-stre...

So please do contact me with any kind of stories, lesson learned, links, articles, insights .... am very open to all sorts on this topic! You can contact me right here on Wiser & I'll reply with my email & skype name if you'd rather email or talk ok

Also do send this to other women you might know & be interested in this topic!

& THANKS for already being women interested in supporting other women, just by being in this group :)

A very typical example of 'sexism on the workplace' in permaculture circles is for a successful woman designer to be maligned as 'manipulative' ('bossy' or 'controlling') ... terms which are never heard applied to men, at least in a pejorative sense.

Interesting that the article says "Men were perceived as excelling only in being decisive,” ... possibly because when women are decisive, it's called something else! ('bossy', 'castrating', 'controlling', 'power-mad', 'manipulative', etc.)

So in our classes we (from time, this is a well-known pattern for any feminists) have a joke / re-framing with which we remind our female students (who often express a fear of 'being seen as manipulative') that design = perma-manipulation, and we celebrate "perma-manipuladoras" !

In a similar way with the new age 'judging is bad' judgement (typical toxic green meme crap https://sites.google.com/.../toxic-green-meme ) ... to remind us that it depends what you're manipulating FOR, whether it's something bad or good.

Added

9 Indigo Adult Characteristics
10 Horizontal Hostility

11 Jun 13 - looking through this very messy design portfolio... realized I have another page under Articles on Oppression, which is also about sexism.

One of these days I'll tidy up! Work in progress, for now i'll just cross-reference them.

9 June 13 - I will update here when there is news to give ... look forward to hearing lots of stories from women!

Background & Reasons

What motivated me to look at this topic more closely around may 2013 was an experience I had, where three* women ganged up against me in vicious personal criticism (thinly disguised as professional criticism), threatening to escalate the attack with vague & nasty threats.

* (who only have in common that they wanted to be part of the ecovillage project & we - the residents - didn't find them suitable, ironically**, mostly because they have too strong victim-patterns*** for us to be able to deal with, at this stage of our growth

** (as demonstrated by their subsequent actions..)

*** victim patterns are those which compel us to irrationally blame others for our own discomforts & mistakes.

Although the decisions were taken quite literally by 50% men, I was the one attacked as the 'culpable' for everything they hated about these.

I initially felt angry about this, then sad (in part for them, as they must feel really desperate to do something like this, but mostly for woman-hood in general, that there is so little sisterhood around, still), then decided to look for what is interesting in this, what I can learn, & in what way I can do my best to make sure this doesn't happen ever again - to me or anyone else - or that these experiences help to catapult us to more expansion, rather than adding hurts & contraction.

So as soon as I recovered from the shock I did two things to try turn this into an opportunity, instead of feeling victimized by it:

a) I started this research project on women supporting women, looking for information on the web & asking women's groups I am part of to send me their personal stories, either of being well supported by other women, or being attacked by other women, and what they notice about how (especially women in any kind of leadership position) we are still held to very different standards to our male counterparts. ((& if you have a story, ideas or links on this subject, I would be delighted to hear from you, of course))

b) I enrolled on a women's empowerment course that two brilliant feminist colleagues have been developing for a few years, to be around lots more women who are passionately engaged in empowering themselves & supporting other women all out, to share my experiences & learn from them.

Although I do (& always have) had a circle of very supportive women friends around me (which have, quite literally, saved my life on occasion - click on any of the photos here to go to the thanks page :) I was going for more contradiction in order to neutralize this recent ugly experience in some way. I don't want to risk becoming cynical about women being able to support each other 100%, & I'd like to help lift not only myself but other women's expectations, awareness & practice in giving & receiving support to & from other women.

So my particular focus will be developing deeper supportive friendships with women & I look forward to learning lots more all about this. Where & how can I get a lot better myself, at supporting women's leadership?

Anita, Stella & Maxine

Powerlessness

Although I've always known that women are also responsible for contributing to the misogyny in the world (I've been a feminist since adolescence & all feminists know this), this new episode (the first time I actually had a group of women 'gang up' on me in such an obviously "bitchy" way) served for me to put my attention on how very painful but not un-common it is for women to attack other women, or 'mildly' but continuously put each other down & mis-trust each other.

One thing I am acutely aware of which I find very interesting, is that I have never experienced this kind of "bitching" (it's so common that it has a name, sadly) from activist feminist women. I believe this is because really understanding feminism is in itself very empowering for women, & not just because it teaches us not to act-out on our own internalized sexism (=woman-hating tendencies).

So I believe that raising awareness on these issues is totally key. I'm aiming for a day when, if a group of women get together to talk about another woman, they will realize it in their own self-interest to appreciate rather than criticize, & think together about how to support her, rather than how to bring her down. Ultimately it will mean that women's self esteem will not be so damaged as to find it tempting to put down other women, just to experience a fleeting moment of superiority.

It would be impossible in the enormously misogynistic culture we're soaked in for any of us to truly treat women fairly (especially those who step out of social expectations of 'femininity' at present) but what we can do is to call into service our rational minds & knowledge in order to ensure that we don't act out the oppressive ways we're conditioned to treat each other (& therefore ourselves), no matter how uncomfortable we feel.

"Bitching" is just a way that women play out the powerlessness patterns we are all deeply installed with. If we don't become conscious of them (which is a precursor to finding our own power) any woman who is acting powerfully in the world (or simply more powerfully than the average, or ourselves) will "get on our nerves" in different but totally sub-conscious & highly emotional ways.

Ironically, the strong emotion behind these feelings only serves to "feel more right", the more unconscious the attacker is, but this strength of feeling only relates to the depth of the hurt their experience is designed to bring up for healing - as they are invariably ancient un-healed hurts - of which we all have plenty, especially around sexism (which is in turn what sexism is made up of: tons of unhealed sexist hurts).

We either heal them (take responsibility for them) or we hurt others with them, so keeping the spiral of destruction going.

What powerlessness does is simply that things we could rarely or never think of directing at a man (who are automatically seen as more 'respectable' - because they quite literally are, in our society) seem a lot safer to direct at a woman (which is usually true ... if nothing else because misogyny ensures most people will agree with you, or that the woman under attack won't even try to defend herself), so the attackers are usually women who are frustrated about their own lives (frustrated in some way that the woman they attack is "touching their buttons" around).

The Bitching Game

See "Bitching" in the Free Dictionary, or in the Collins Dictionary. Here used in the "to behave in a spiteful or malicious manner" sense, and specifically as a 'coverup' for powerlessness that women are taught to use.

What was particularly interesting was how - when I insisted on hearing some actual reasons or facts for their accusations (that I am a terribly abusive person, psychologically very maladjusted, etc. I will copy the diatribe here later), and gave my points of view - I was 'accused' of "being defensive"! And then given no facts whatever.

Replying that defending is a rather logical reaction to being attacked, only resulted in the even more absurd denial of "we're not attacking (or gossiping), we're just sharing experiences & checking facts" (which sounds very sisterly, doesn't it - and sadly that is in fact the most sisterly feeling most women ever get: when they gang up against another).

So my defending (I was explained) 'proved' that I either felt guilty as accused or was so insecure that I couldn't take their nasty, totally vicious insults as a fun game or just ignore them. There was even a (totally surreal) point where they denied they were even insulting. There is a long skype conversation on record which reveals brilliantly the extent of irrationality & hypocrisy involved in these kinds of attacks.

As usual I didn't behave as expected, because the bitching game usually doesn't feature that the attacked woman dare respond (or indeed even directly gets to know about, if possible) to what is being said about her.

But I was in fact very interested, it is all part of my research but indeed, to this day, I have not been (nor have my colleagues who have asked very politely) told what I supposedly did or do that could possibly lead to their quite extreme accusations.

Bitching is just a sport in which a group of women character bash another for their own entertainment or self-hatered relief, and if they can possibly do damage without suffering any consequences (like being found out), they will. Like all bullying, it is essentially profoundly cowardly, and whereas the stereotypical male playground bully would physically beat up on someone (& only after ensuring they are in no risk of being beaten up themselves), the more 'feminine' way of bullying is with psychological, not physical defamation. But just as cowardly, so secrecy is usually a major part of bitching.

Different Standards

Sexism in many ways simply consists of upholding (without questioning, & usually unconsciously) quite different standards for women & for men.

Like all oppressions (classism, racism, homophobia, etc.) there are external and internal components. Internalized sexism is when sexism is insidiously directed at self, which means that we agree & collude to our own oppression.

This means that we also assume other women means also that often, whatever we are criticizing or resenting in another woman increases the internal blocks at us achieving the same things (& god knows we have enough of the external ones to contend with!)

These two quotes summarize two typical ways that sexism is directed at me (& most women in leadership who do not conform to some 'acceptable' standard) on a weekly basis:

To be considered an evil man

you have to be something like a mass murderer.

To be considered an evil woman

you just have to put someone on hold.

Marianne Williamson

(paraphrased)

It is astounding to see the very different standards I am held to, as a woman, which I know are sexist because they can often be very directly compared to the way my male colleagues are treated, even at the same time for the very same things. Most women respond to this double-standard by accommodating it (they learn to act a lot more 'carefully', more 'feminine' etc. to avoid causing discomfort) but I quite consciously don't - simply because I care a lot more for changing double-standards & injustice than my own or anyone else's comfort.

The Mother Theresa syndrome (as I call it) is an example of this double-standard. It is quite common that when we have visitors on the farm, I have to actively request to have my time & space respected (eg. when it is obvious I am busy working on my projects, and I have made very clear contact times, like when I am available to help, etc.) a lot more strenuously than my male colleagues. Eg. whereas Julio just looking busy in his workshop is enough to keep people at bay, I have to state, re-state, and sometimes get angry before people will notice that am not at their disposal 24/7, and that I have other work apart from taking care of people's personal needs.

This is simply due to a 'natural' courtesy & basic respect we have for men's time & work, that is rarely, if ever, extended to women - who are expected to be nurturing & available to give loving attention whenever required. It IS our 'job' after all, to mother, so most women succumb to all this pressure and become that 'all-nurturing' super-woman, or give up having much of another job. Hence the often heard 'women's problems' of "over-giving", exhaustion, and especially the heart-braking getting to the end of one's life without feeling realized, etc..

You can start to see how especially women who have succumbed to the stereotype will be particularly resentful of women who don't. A very dear permaculture activist friend of mine quite literally died of over-giving. This is of course my interpretation, but I came to it after having listened to very many hours of her pain & incomprehension around visitors & friends' insensitivity & her deep conviction that, as the leader of a beautiful permaculture farm which gave people a lot of badly needed hope, it was her duty to give everyone what they needed. Nuria died of invasive cancer of the uterus after many years of serving the needs of hundreds of people who used her project & amazing lively spirit to fill up with hope. They quite literally 'ate her alive'.

We often identified deeply with each other, only I was a lot more willing to say no to people (and take the consequences of putting up very 'unwomanly' limits). So for eg. when - after the 5th time I've been rudely interrupted in one day - I would finally put my foot down & be even slightly rude back (not having much of a choice in the matter since polite ways didn't work) ... that is DEEPLY offensive to some people's (totally unconscious) expectations. So then I become a huge ogre in their eyes. If they have a particularly high dose of entitlement they then start a fight. & if they are women, often a passive-agressive fight that can go on indefinitely, a fight called "now am going to make you pay for not giving me the loving attention I have a right to expect from you".

Ban Bossy

Validating the point I made about "women leaders not being valued as decisive" (see below), this interesting initiative aims to ban name-calling girls "bossy" - http://banbossy.com

When a little boy asserts himself, he's called a “leader.” Yet when a little girl does the same, she risks being branded “bossy.” Words like bossy send a message: don't raise your hand or speak up. By middle school, girls are less interested in leading than boys—a trend that continues into adulthood. Together we can encourage girls to lead.

Written above in News 30Ago'13 - A very typical example of 'sexism on the workplace' in permaculture circles is for a successful woman designer to be maligned as 'manipulative' ('bossy' or 'controlling') ... terms which are never heard applied to men, at least in a pejorative sense.

Jealousy

Am hoping to get the stories written down but just from the ones I've heard so far, almost everyone mentions jealousy as a 'reason' behind the attacks they received from other women.

It seems most attacks usually have a base of jealousy, especially around power of any sort: the attacked woman has some position, achievement, lifestyle or presence that the women doing the attack are (consciously or not) wishing to have. I believe it is a little more complex than this, but this simple explanation fits the sexist stereotype that women are naturally competitive with each other - usually 'for the man'. More male fantasy than anything else, it does however come down to a very deeply held lack of self-esteem, which is endemic in women, as in most other oppressed groups.

The saddest thing of this of course is that by women attacking other women for their accomplishments, they are in actual fact keeping themselves away from those very things they desire, because by their actions, or even by harboring those un-questioned feelings of jealousy, they are demonstrating to themselves that they can't have those qualities or things, or that if they did have them, they would themselves be attacked. Or they are trying to prove to themselves that they don't really want those things, which is the most powerless version of the same thing.

“Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses,

women for their strengths.”

Lois Wyse

I've heard several times (& simply 'felt' or deduced many more, since this is not something most people will admit to) that I should be more 'modest', & once or twice am even accused of 'bragging' or 'being full of myself'.

This I actually consider a compliment, & especially the last one, because I am actively working hard for a world where we are ALL 'full of ourselves', Completely self-realized. But I don't in fact 'brag' at all - what happens is that I simply don't go to the ridiculous extents expected of women to hide or apologize for their strengths. What would be considered normal healthy behavior in a man is amplified to 'bragging' or 'immodesty' when done by a woman.

I find this truly astounding, as this simply refers to me stating my accomplishments, and celebrating them (because I am an enthusiastic & usually a very cheerful person), not actually any special qualities that I might think I have 'over' other people - since I totally subscribe to the "there for by the Grace of God go I" school of philosophy: I, like anyone else, am brilliant & crap at the things I am, mostly from good & bad luck in terms of the privileges I have had bestowed on me, or didn't. There's nothing that personal about it in terms of merit, just in terms of what we do with our gifts.

So for the same reason I don't think it makes any sense to hide one's talents or work - they exist to be of service to the world, and so are everyone's gifts & talents there to be used, not to be 'shown off' for their own sake's.

But the main point here is that it is deeply offensive, in a culture which puts women down constantly, for a girl or woman to not be apologetic about any strengths she might have. & that gets dressed up in all sorts of ways, all of them sexist.

Stella & Anita

What is Sexism

And all the sexism I've faced as a woman activist I channel into mentoring other women leaders wherever I can, and in creating educational resources such as this one, in our e-book http://bit.ly/SexismPatterns

There is tons of ignorance about what sexism actually IS (and about how oppression works in general), especially now, due to the massive success of the feminist backlash by the media in the 90s.

Thankfully, there is finally what looks like a coordinated response to this filtering through... I even found this group in facebook! https://www.facebook.com/permaculture.misogyny

One thing I am constantly amazed about is how, even in a situation where there are men who totally agree with my (controversial) position, they are virtually ignored and I am (instead of we) made the subject of the attack. When they can't be ignored then I am made out to be even MORE evil by suggesting that the men are being 'manipulated' by me in some way! It's completely astounding in the rational plain, but totally predictable & 'logical' when sexism is factored in (the 'evil queen' or 'manipulative woman' stereotype is one of the few - very twisted - allowances this culture makes for any power expression by a female).

As this almost always happens, so of course I have had plenty of time, opportunity (& also support, thankfully) in trying to figure out how much of this is something in me, personally, that makes me such a magnet for so much hatred. It's been a great opportunity to explore and of course to be reminded to work on the 5% of this which IS my own story. The other 95% am - by now - pretty sure is sexism, so it's also been a great opportunity to deepen into studying how misogyny operates in the world (& specifically in blocking our progress in changing the world, from a sustainability activists' point of view).

What seems confusing to people (men & women alike) who claim to not see much sexism in their lives is precisely due to the control function of sexism. Sexism (like racism, classism, etc.) essentially only has one function, and that is to "keep women in their place". So it will be by definition completely invisible even to women when they ARE staying 'in their place' as ordained by current societal standards, & that means anything from talking a certain way, to looking physically 'acceptable', from the range of activities you can 'normally' be engaged in, to whether & how you can speak up & lead anything.

Activists (people who actively change the system by making it highly uncomfortable) know all about this, and Anita .... is one of the success stories (her attack launched her to fame, instead of destroying her, which is what usually happens) as she was targeted with vicious misogyny when she simply proposed to do some research of women in video games...

found this amazing woman 15Jun13, added her to SexismPattern page in the Integral Permi Manual

happen if any of us 'step out of line' & do things that are not expected of us (like take another growth-spurt in our lives, grow a little more in our power, stop being the 'feminine ideal' of the eternally nourishing, supporting role - which does not seem to be letting up, but just gets re-packaged into new styles of impossibly high standards for us to live up to every few years!)... & how much damage it has done to us.

Christina + baby daughter & Nuria

Links & References

Thankyou Karryn for the article on Women in Permaculture she researched & wrote for Permaculture Activist.

Found this group in facebook! https://www.facebook.com/permaculture.misogyny

From Deep Green Resistance

It’s a predictable behavior, and one against which we must guard.

Indigo Adult Characteristics

This is for those who ask (or wonder) why I seem to get myself in quite so much trouble ... and like stories. If you re-frame the rage I feel (and ACT on) for injustice as a TALENT & GIFT I bring to the world, instead of some 'unladylike defect' I am guilty of not having 'healed' away yet ... it all makes a lot of sense.

According to this I am a total indigo. And it's easy to see why this might be especially hard to carry for women indigos.

This is a list from one of the articles online about indigos:

Indigos are NOT a product of esoteric groups, they exist and they are using their gifts and abilities to create a global awakening to change this world. They also feel extremely connected when they find other indigos.

Please note that most people have characteristics like the following. But an Indigo MUST have all or most of all. So if all the characteristics or all except 2 characteristics match on you, you can be sure you are a real Indigo. Only if you can truthfully answer those characteristics with a yes and without doubt, you are Indigo.

Basic Indigo adult Characteristics:

- Are Intelligent, very knowledgeable with computers and new technology. May not have had good grades in school.
- Usually feel like royalty, and show it. Has a sense of "deserving to be here with a purpose in life".
- Have a burning desire to do something to change the controlling systems and improve the world.
- Are very creative. Usually in different forms of art. Painting, sketching, acting, photography and especially music.
- Have a random mind style with a unique way of behaving. Jumping around in conversation and starting many different projects at once. Might have been diagnosed ADD/ADHD.
- Are never shy in telling you what they think or want. Like to ask "WHY?" about alot of things.
- Dislikes repetitious work. Such as school, chores, and service-oriented jobs. They try to resist authority and caste systems of employment.
- Most have or would rather have leadership positions. They like to work alone, rather then a team.
- May have experienced early depression. This may have been from just moderate sadness to utter suicidal despair.
- Have a strong intuition. Are able to tell when a person is lying or has an ulterior motive.
- Are emotionally sensitive. It can go from crying at any moment, to shutting off completely, with no emotions at all.
- Are Physically sensitive. Sensitive to certain drugs and medicines. Also sensitive to processed foods, additives and pesticides.
- May be electrically sensitive. May have lights burning out or appliances malfunction when walking near them.
- Are currently having trouble with systems they consider old, ineffective or broken. For example, the political, educational, medical, and legal systems of their country.
- May have trouble with temperament and rage.
- Angry at Big Brother watching them and their rights being taking away.
- Sexually, indigos are very expressive and inventive, or may reject sexuality all together out of bordem or for spiritual reasons.
- Deep empathy for others, but are intolerable of stupidity and ignorance.
- Some start having interest with spirituality fairly young, with psychic experiences, such as premonitions, seeing angels or ghost, deceased family members, out of body experiences, and hearing voices.
- May have awareness of parallel realities and other dimensions.
- Have a desire to seek meaning to their life and to have understanding about the world. Many seek this through religion or spirituality.

All on this list are true, only ...

8. is only partially true (I am good at leading but in fact prefer working in leader-full teams)

14. also: I mainly bring 'trouble' to hypocrites in the 'green' movements - it's my speciality to piss them off, in my attempts to bring more integrity to the movement

15. I don't think rage at injustice is ever a 'problem' and in fact is probably what has saved my life up till now... (my allies deeply appreciate my rage, my 'enemies' hate it)

18. very very true ...

21. and for me 'spirituality' is totally synonymous with radical activism - and I enjoy it immensely :))

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