Managing Emotions

Managing ones emotions is easier some days than others. On days when we are well rested, do not have any outside worries bothering us, have had our coffee and have not missed any meals, then it is easy to do this whether interacting with an angry person, a disappointed person, or emotionally fragile person. However, these days can be few and far between, so it is imperative to have a strategy for being prepared for all the remaining days. The picture above symbolizes the exceptionally challenging circumstances presented to me during the 2014 - 2105 school year.

• My 20 year old daughter was involved in a very concerning relationship with a young man from Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina. As much as I tried to separate this situation from my professional life, it was always hanging over me like a very dark cloud

• A new student registered who had met a man online, become involved in an abusive relationship, and changed towns with her baby to escape from this and start a new and safer life for her baby. One of the courses she was taking was a parenting course that I was teaching. During the Christmas break, her baby was murdered by his babysitter. I had to figure out what to do about the parenting course, how to support her as a grieving mother and constantly remind myself that this was not the future facing my daughter.

• Another student died tragically in a car accident

• While I was juggling my emotional reactions to all three of these events, always spinning in the background was the knowledge that emails were not getting answered, phone calls were going unanswered, online students were not receiving feedback in as timely a manner as I prefer, and time always seemed to be in short supply

How did I manage this?

• I never missed a day of work

• I attended the funeral for Bentley

• I arranged for cooked meals to be delivered to his mother for a month after his death

• I visited her at her home

• When she insisted she needed to finish the parenting course for "Bentley", I allowed her to do so. I read her work and witnessed her processing through the phases as grief, essentially using the assignments as topics to guide her in her process

• Listened to the surviving members as they relived the happy memories of their mother and aunt who had passed away

• Prayed

• Sought the counsel of my priest

• Prayed more

• Held it together at school, cried at home

• Stopped worrying about the emails, phone calls, and time. Somehow doing this made it possible for me to meet all my professional obligations.

• Leaned on my school team

• Believed in my own abilities to manage

New Understanding of what Optimism is: Optimistic people may be happy, cheery people who always see the sliver lining in challenging circumstances. However, this is not a requirement. Optimistic people know they can manage and survive challenging circumstances. They know there will be a positive resolution to all circumstances. They are hopeful.