Jokes

• Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
• They say that Christopher Columbus was the first economist. When he left he didn't know where he was going; when he got there he didn't know where he was; and it was all done on a government grant.
• Economic forecasters assume everything, except responsibility.
• Economists are people who are too smart for their own good and not smart enough for anyone else's.
• Did you know economists have predicted nine out of the last five recessions?
• An economist is someone who finds something that works in practice and wonders if it works in theory.
• If trivial pursuit were designed by economists, it would have 100 questions and 3,000 answers.
• What do you call an economist that's bad at math? A good economist
• The First Law of Economics: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist.
  • The Second Law of Economics: They're both wrong.
• How has French revolution affected world economic growth? Too early to say.
• President Truman once said he wants an economic adviser who is one handed. Why? Because normally the economists giving him economic advice state "On the other hand..."
• A mathematician, a theoretical economist, and an econometrician are asked to find a black cat (who doesn't really exist) in a closed room with the lights off. The mathematician gets crazy trying to find a black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room and ends up in a psychiatric hospital. The theoretical economist is unable to catch the black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room, but exits the room proudly proclaiming that he can construct a model to describe all his movements with extreme accuracy. The econometrician walks securely into the darkened room, spends one hour looking for the black cat that doesn't exits and shouts from inside the room that he has caught it by the neck."
• One night a policeman saw a macroeconomist looking for something buy a light pole. He asked him is had had lost something there. The economist said, "I lost my keys over in the alley." The policeman asked him why he was looking by the light pole. The economist responded, "it's a lot easier to look over here."
• "Someone once said about economists that they use economic data the way a drunkard uses a lamppost--for support rather than illumination."
• Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
• A1: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
• A2: None. If it really needed changing, market forces would have caused it to happen.
• A3: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
• A4: None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter!
• A5: None, they're all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium.
• Q. How many econometricians does it take to change a light bulb?
• Seven, plus/minus ten.
• Q: How many central bank economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
• A: Just one -- he holds the light bulb and the whole earth revolves around him
• Q:How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
• A: All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating aggregate demand to the right,...
• How do you tell the difference between a confused old man and an economist? The economist is the one with a calculator.
• A recession is when your neighbor has lost her job. A depression is when you lose yours.
• Why was astrology invented? So economics would seem like an accurate science.
• A physicist, a chemist and an economist are stranded on an island, with nothing to eat. A can of peas washes ashore. The physicist says, "Let's smash the can open with a rock." The economist thinks that's hilarious, and says, "That's ridiculous, you'll have peas all over the place.". The chemist says, "Let's build a fire and heat the can first." The economist thinks that's even more hilarious, and says, "That's ridiculous, the can will explode and you'll have peas all over the place." Both the physicist and the chemist are getting rather irate, and the physicist say, "What do you suggest?" And the economist says, "It's simple. Assume we have a can-opener....."
• Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
• Value of human capital

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.

Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows,

Work

---------- = Power

Time

Since Knowledge = Power, and Time =Money, we have

Work

--------- = Knowledge

Money

Solving for Money, we get:

Work

----------- = Money

Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.

Conclusion: The Less you Know, the more money you Make.

There are two men in a hot air balloon. And the wind blows across the countryside and they get completely lost. They look down. They're drifting low over a field. And they see standing in the road beneath them a chap in a suit. And so they call down, they say "Excuse us, excuse us, where are we?" The guy in the suit looks up and says "You're in a balloon." So one of the men in the balloon calls down and says "You're obviously an economist." The economist calls up and says "You're right, I am an economist. How do you know?" The guy in the hot air balloon calls down and says "Because your answer is precisely true and utterly useless."

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy.

An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.

TEN THINGS TO DO WITH AN ECONOMICS TEXTBOOK

1. Press pretty flowers.

2. Press pretty insects.

3. Use it as paper weight on your already over cluttered desk.

4. Leave out in obvious places to impress non-majors.

5. Mail to the White House as an intimidation tactic.

6. Give it a walk-on part in a boring European existentialist play.

7. Leave out for the rain and other forces of nature to reckon with.

8. Get a refund from bookstore so you can buy weekend's beer supply.

9. Read it (ha ha ha), and weep.

10. Just throw the damn thing away.

On the first day, God created the sun. In response, the Devil created sunburn. On the second day, God created sex. In response, the Devil created STIs. On the third day God created an economist. This was a tough one for the Devil, but, in the end and after a lot of thought, he created a second economist.

A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialized in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:

Artists' Brains $9/lb

Philosophers' Brains $12/lb

Scientists' Brains $15/lb

Economists' Brains $19/lb

Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My, those economists' brains must be popular!" To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many economists you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!"

Words that mean different things to non-econ majors

1. Production possibilities frontier

What it means to econ majors: All combinations of guns and butter to which an economy is capable of allocating resources.

What it means to everyone else: The next big feature on an iPhone.

2. Sunk costs

What it means to econ majors: Information that shouldn’t impact your next decision.

What it means to everyone else: The price of getting to wreckage at the bottom of the ocean.

3. Risk

What it means to econ majors: Having the potential to change value with some probability.

What it means to everyone else: A game for nerds.

4. Present value

What it means to econ majors: Properly understanding the value of a dollar today vs a dollar tomorrow.

What it means to everyone else: Finding out how much your family loves you on your birthday.

5. Natural log

What it means to econ majors: Function used in econometrics to account for percentage change.

What it means to everyone else: Fuel for the camp fire.

6. Elasticity

What it means to econ majors: Responsiveness of one variable to a change in another

What it means to everyone else: Stretchy yoga pants.

7. Bayesian probability

What it means to econ majors: Updating a prior distribution in light of new evidence.

What it means to everyone else: The chances that bae will come over when your parents aren't home.

8. Point of diminishing returns

What it means to econ majors: The 5th beer.

What it means to everyone else: The 5th beer.