Copyright 2023, K. Langer
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There was a time when I thought the Boy Scouts were the coolest thing. They looked so snappy in their uniforms with their badges and their pins. They went hiking together and camping together and they even had their own summer camp. I knew when I was old enough that I wanted to join. So I did… That’s when the problems began.
The first problem I encountered in the scouts was that to be a member you had to profess a belief in God. This came at a time when I was reconsidering everything about religion. I wasn’t sure if I believed in God but I decided to play along and recited the memorized scout law and oath. Though the scouts of that time talked about being open to everyone, the reality was that atheists, agnostics, or people of non-traditional faiths were discouraged from joining. It wasn’t just religion that was an invisible barrier to acceptance in the troops, however. For example, being overweight, gender fluid, or from backgrounds different than the majority of the suburbanite membership may not have prevented one from joining the Scouts but continued membership was often difficult. People who were different were shunned and silently encouraged to leave. And I was among the different.
The religious thing I could keep hidden away but there was one thing I could not hide and I feel I must tell you about it now. You see, there is one thing you might not know about me but, as your intern minister–as one who is here to promote openness and honesty– I feel a need to be forthcoming with you. The truth is… I am short! (pause)
Being short meant–and sometimes still means to people–that you are obviously inadequate. I was picked on almost constantly by the other scouts and sometimes even by the scout leaders. After a while it became unbearable and I had to quit.
The point of this story is that the Boy Scouts of my youth would say that they were accepting and welcoming of every young (and at that time) male person but the reality was quite different once you entered into the troop. If you thought differently, acted differently, looked different, or spoke differently, you could be silently–or, sometimes not so silently–discouraged or dismissed.
Now I know that we have people in our own congregation who are involved in scouting programs and I am not talking about the Boy Scouts of today. The scouts of my boyhood reflected the state of the society of its time. The modern Boy Scouts have come a long way to becoming more open and accepting. They are not even only for boys anymore.
Other institutions in our culture have undergone similar changes. Unfortunately, some institutions have lagged behind in their expansion of acceptance. For example, churches, by their very nature, are conservative organizations, meaning they are slow to embrace change. This is true even of our own denomination though I am proud to say that Unitarian Universalist churches have often been in the forefront of religious institutions working to make social and cultural changes toward more inclusion. But, we still have more work to do. We cannot just say we are open and welcoming to all, we need to demonstrate it in our buildings, in the words and deeds of our members, in the way we do church activities and programs, and in the ways we join together as a religious family. That is the work of Radical Hospitality.
This is actually the second sermon I am giving on the topic of Radical Hospitality. I am calling this version: Radical Hospitality, Part You because I want to focus on what all of us–the congregation of this great church–can do to make this a truly welcoming church for all people.
First off, let’s recall what Radical Hospitality is. As I have come to understand it, Radical Hospitality has two main components: Invitation and Inclusion. The Invitation part is the structural aspect of welcoming newcomers to the church. It covers such things as: how the building appears to people: how accessible it is, how easy it is for people to park their car, find the front entrance, find their way around, seek information, engage their children, or how they can better experience worship. It also includes the systems put in place to help people feel welcome and valued by meeting others in the church. These systems include people like the ushers and the greeters. Radical Invitation asks us to go the extra mile to be sure that our structures help visitors feel comfortable, supported, and encouraged.
Inclusion is the second component of Radical Hospitality and is, possibly, even more critical. Inclusion is about how we present ourselves to newcomers and how they are treated while they are considering whether or not they will return. Like the Scouts of old with whom I tried to fit in, organizations can have unwritten rules of acceptance. No scout could be fully accepted until they wore the uniform, said the predetermined oath, followed the traditional rules, and acted within specific models of behavior and belief.
Many churches have similar silent rules and presumptions. They say, in effect, you are welcome to become one of us so long as you fulfill our expectations of how we define ourselves. Radical Inclusion asks us to be open to the transformation that occurs when someone who is different enters a space and helps to redefine it and ourselves in a new and wonderful way. Radical Inclusion begins with the guest and not the host. The newcomer is encouraged to share their stories, their hopes, their challenges, their spiritual journeys while we listen and open our hearts to the experience.
This church has some great systems employed to encourage Invitation. We have a dedicated, though small, group of people who are exploring ways to increase and deepen our methods of both invitation and inclusion. They are the Hospitality Committee, led by our own Director of Lifespan Formation: Dolores Heredia-Wood, and they want me to let you know (this is the commercial) they would love to have more people join them in this important work. That work includes finding and guiding our kind ushers and greeters who also play an important role in welcoming newcomers. But, the real work of Radical Hospitality rests with all of us–the congregation. After all, visitors are looking for a church to join, not a committee or team and we–all of us– we are the church. In a truly invitational and inviting church, everyone is a greeter, an usher, a representative, and an ambassador for the community.
So now some of you–hopefully all of you–are thinking ‘what can I do to help visitors feel more welcome and accepted?’ Well, I’m glad you asked because there are three things we can keep in mind as members and visitors come into this space together. They are to: take notice, be attentive, and be curious. (repeat)
To take notice means to always be on the lookout for new people. Hopefully, they will be easy to spot because they will be wearing temporary name tags but not everyone gets a name tag. We come to church partly because we want to spend time with people we know. We can easily get lost in small clusters of friends who share fascinating conversations. That is human nature but a little vigilance is necessary to remember that there may be new people nearby who are not familiar with anyone else in the building.
Once a new person is spotted then it is time to take the second step which is to be attentive. This step asks that you take a little time to make contact with that visitor. If you are willing to make a connection then it is time for the third step of the process and it is this third step that will determine if you will engage in typical old-school welcoming or if you will be engaged in Radical Inclusion. Instead of overwhelming the newcomer with information, Radical Inclusion asks us to begin with curiosity. We want to know who they are; we want to hear their stories. Questions like: “What brought you here?” or “What has been your spiritual journey?” or even “What do you need?” opens space for newcomers to bring forward their full self. It lets them know that we are here to listen rather than try and convince them of something. It is a chance–as St. Benedict described it–to listen with the ear of the heart. This radical hospitality can be done at different times such as before a service or during coffee hour (which, by the way is only possible because of several dedicated people who also want me to let you know they would love to have more people join them).
What’s more, we have come up with a program where you can practice these skills of observation, attention, and curiosity all together in a safe and supportive environment. Through this program, you can be a significant part of helping to make visitors get to know us. It is called the Ambassador program. The idea of this program is to connect church members with newcomers who have identified a desire to join the program. The Hospitality Committee will connect a volunteer person or family with a newcomer or Guest. The volunteer or Ambassador agrees to meet the Guest at least once for a meal or other simple gathering where some radical inclusion can be practiced and then the Ambassador makes sure that the Guest is able to make connections with people at the church–especially at Coffee Hour or with program, committee, or church representatives. Now it is my turn to advertise that I hope you will become a part of this program by emailing me at intern@uuchelmsford.org.
Radical Hospitality is about making all people feel welcome and comfortable. People who do not feel welcome because they think, look, act, talk, love, or express themselves differently will walk away. People who are not accepted because they are not seen or heard for who they are will walk away. People who are made to feel that there is no place for them will walk away. When people walk away we fail as Unitarian Universalists to do what our faith calls us to do. As people of faith, encouraging the worth and dignity of every person to shine is not just the right thing to do, it is the righteous thing to do.
In the name of that which you hold in your heart to be sacred, may it be so.