Merritt Opening Song: #327 I’d Rather Have Jesus Title: Love Commitment
Scripture: Psalm 37:5-6, Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this. He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
A preacher read long, tiring sermons. A church member who thought to cure him slipped into the pulpit before service and removed one page of the sermon. Pastor began. He reached where the page was gone. "And Adam said unto Eve... And Adam, um err, said unto Eve...There seems to be a leaf missing!" There seems to be something missing in society. We’d rather drop away than dig through. We’d rather leave than last. What’s missing is called commitment.
A man who can’t commit is a man afraid to commit. It doesn’t matter if fear is rational, irrational. Don’t date a man who can’t commit unless you won’t give him your heart. Fearful men sincerely love, but just to a point. You say, "But we have such fun together; it's OK if it’s just temporary." In your heart, is temporary really what you want? Should women spend time, energy, emotions on a man who won’t marry? A Baptist preacher starting his sermon said to the congregation, "I'm gonna tell you the same thing Elizabeth Taylor told all her husbands. And that is - I'm not gonna keep you long!"
We live in a commitment phobic world. We fear MOST OF ALL to follow Jesus. Are you bothered by “forever” or till death do you part? It used to scare me. I felt my very life was threatened. George proposed and I said, “Why don’t we just live together? My parents and relatives divorced. Marriage just ends in divorce.” But George said, “With me it’s marriage or nothing.” After we got married, when George would take the day off for my birthday, I would pick a fight with him. Often I would pack a suitcase and feel I have to leave. Finally George said, “I can’t take this fear that you might leave.” So I had to look at my relationship problem. Admitting we have a problem is first step to face our issues instead of chasing our tail. For me, I hadn’t seen love in my parents’ arranged marriage, I had too much abandonment as a child, and I was full of fear.
Focus is the way we use our mind, beliefs, thoughts, and language to describe things we know in our world. Physiology is our body, posture, breathing, energy. Asking “What will happen if this all goes wrong?” will immediately make you feel terrible. Focusing on “How will I benefit?” will change how you feel. It’s hard to feel depressed moving with our head up, taking full breaths, talking about God’s love.
When something happens and you’re in intense emotion, your nervous system creates a link between the two. You fell in love, heard a song on the radio, called “our song,” now whenever you hear that song the feeling of love comes back- “Love is the Answer.” Your mind created a neural pathway. Fear is created same way, linking negative- “You picked a fine time to leave me.” You ask for, invite, inspire commitment but you can't force, persuade by logic, manipulation, guilt trips or duty. No one has that much power. You may get the person physically, but not his heart. We must choose commitment.
SONG: LOVE ANYWAY
What makes people scared to commit to God? Fear of failure, “What if I commit to follow God then find I can't live by it?" Fear leads to procrastination and creates other fears, if you analyze things to death, like me. We FEEL unworthy. John 1:27, “Though His ministry follows mine, I'm not even worthy to be His slave and untie straps of His sandal,” said John the Baptist, yet John chose to commit to Jesus. Matthew 8:8, But the centurion said, "Lord, I am not worthy to have you come into my home. Just say the word from where You are, and my servant will be healed.” Feeling unworthy is normal, but don’t let unworthiness keep you away from Jesus. When one partner is good at loving and the other is not, we fear disappointing the other and distance ourselves to avoid feeling guilty.
Suppose I marry, then I’m still a grouchy morning person. I have his baby then I can NOT lose extra weight; I eat dessert- pastries from the store contain 2 to 6 cups sugar. I drive 10 km. over speed limit because I’m always late; many times I say, “Not tonight, I have a headache.” Does that mean I’m no longer married? Does that mean I’m divorced? No, my human weakness doesn’t mean marriage ended. Until I say, “I want a divorce; I’m leaving you for another man,” I am still married.
We make mistakes but it doesn’t change commitment. When I accept Jesus, I have salvation. If I stay away from sugar, it helps my blood vessels and kidneys but NOT righteousness by food. Victory was already gained by Jesus. When I accept HIS victory, Jesus sets me free, not me. What I eat helps me in this life, but it doesn’t give me eternal life. Jesus already paid it all! Just what do I think I can add to that? Romans 8:37, No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
Matthew 12:44-45, Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then the spirit finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. And so that person is worse off than before. I like nanaimo bars but 2 cups of icing sugar in the white layer alone! Women on internet made it with ground sesame instead of sugar. I learned a healthy substitute. I used to agonize on sweeping sugar out of my life. Instead I invited Jesus in; He eats healthy, bakes healthy, loves vegetables, and salads. Now when I eat sugar, my throat hurts. Is that victory? Peter had to focus on Jesus, not wind and waves or we sink.
SONG:HE SAID PEACE BE STILL
People won’t give control of their lives for fear God will change their plans, take all fun from their lives, affect the way they live. A young minister, seminary honor graduate said, "I never surrendered to Christ because I’m afraid what He’ll do to me." Years before, he had foreboding if he committed to God, his parents would be killed in an accident. He was afraid to say "Yes" to God for fear his parents would lose their lives, which he thought was God's test for him. Now does that sound like a loving Heavenly Father? Who do you think put that idea into his mind? Satan said to Eve, "You can't trust God." Suppose your child said to you, "I want to please you." Would you grab your child by the shoulders, shake him sternly, "I’ve just been waiting for this. I’m going to make you sorry as long as you live, take away everything you like and make you do what you hate. I’m going to make your life miserable."
You would NEVER respond like that to your child's trust, not if you love them. Jesus proved He is a loving God, worthy of our trust. Matthew 7:11, "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him?" People are fearful what God will ask them to do. The happiest people are not those who have best this world has to offer, or those with great success, or those in high positions of power. Happiest are those who learn to TRUST Jesus. Psalm 146:5, Happy is he that has the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God. 1John 4:18 shows we don’t fear Someone who loves us perfectly! IF we are afraid of what He might do to us, we don’t know God REALLY loves us.
Bud says, "I thought I was in love three times.” "Thought?" Sam asks. "What do you mean?"
"Years ago, I cared deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Bud says. "Wasn't that love?" Sam asks.
"No, that was obsession," Bud explains. "Then I cared deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me." "Wasn't that love?" asks Sam.
"No, that was lust," Bud replies. "And just last year, I met a woman on a cruise. She’s gorgeous, intelligent, good conversation, sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a strange sensation in pit of my stomach."
"Well, wasn't that love?" asks Sam. Bud replies, "No. That was motion sickness.”
Fear of committing is like being afraid of a puppy, man’s best friend. You know, when you commit to God you get the best friend you will ever have. So why do we fear? Commitment puts my freedom in jeopardy. I have to spend time with the puppy, take care of him, feed him, walk him. A relationship requires my time, attention, involvement and for some people that looks like loss of freedom. I now see it as being free to love.
SONG: GOD IS LOVE
I used to believe God stood over me demanding, “Do it my way or the highway. Go to that church or I leave you. Do this thing or I cannot love you. Do what I say, or I’ll reject you. Always be good or you can’t be My child.” I found God is not like that! If God would force us to be good, go to this church when we don’t want to, do His will against our will, He wouldn’t be Divine love but a dictator. God says, “IF you love Me. I stand at your heart’s door and knock. I want cheerful giving. I want love relationship not legal law.” The idea our life is over when we commit to God is something all in our head.
We fear responsibility. Isaiah 41:13, For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I will help you.” Hebrews 13: 6, So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” It’s not OUR power; it’s God’s power. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and HE will do this.” Jesus gives me power to commit; Isabelle does NOT have it in myself.
We have fear of accountability. As humans, I think I am in charge of me. Little kids say, “You’re not the boss of me!” Romans 14:11-12, It is written: ‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before Me; every tongue will acknowledge God.’ Most of us think what matters is how we account for our good deeds versus our sins. NO, where we give account is what did we do with Jesus? He wrote you a Cheque worth eternity, but He can’t cash it for you. We accept the Cheque written to our name and take it to heaven’s bank. Some people fear disapproval. Their friends might turn against them. If friends don’t accept your choices in life, are they really your friend? Some people were hurt by church-goers. Jesus was killed by church leaders and He is God. As committed Christians, we have Family Accountability. Being accountable to one another with God at center will bless our marriages, friendships and church family.
Commitment means I no longer just think of myself. I put time and energy into my relationships but the person I love could betray my trust. Commitment is remaining faithful to someone or some belief even when times get rough. If the person I love treats me poorly or I don’t see results of my effort, I hang in there, because I believe in this relationship. I found deep in my heart, I do long for loyalty, which cannot happen without commitment. I found I do desire to be with someone who is 100% committed. So what’s the issue? Loving and being loved means I’m opening myself to possible hurt. I watched others commit only to struggle through betrayal and divorce. Are any willing to risk betrayal, rejection? Who would be worth that to us?
Yet Jesus committed to us. WHY commit to Jesus? Jesus is teaching me a better way to live, see, think, feel and react. If I want to know how to love others, I look to Jesus. He didn’t go into relationships thinking, “Oh, I better be careful, this person might hurt Me.” To me, it’s amazing God would be 100% committed to me even before I knew who He was! Some have fear of intimacy. Every person feels a secret shame or skeleton in their closet. Love causes people to get closer. People who are afraid of being known shun love, because they fear too much will be revealed. God knew our every sin yet He totally, completely, perfectly loved us!
“Marriage isn't end of your life, but new beginning, part of adulthood. Don’t let negative thoughts take away your happiness. The person who wants to marry you right now is not the same people who let you down in your past,” I learned to tell myself. Open communication, mutual trust, commitment is not rings or wedding lace. It's growing, learning, bringing out best in each other through love. At times it’s putting the other person's needs before my own. The only sacrifice that's too much is to abandon who you are in Jesus, your dignity as a child of the King, your moral values and spiritual freedom to make your own choices.
When the pilot of a giant airplane speeds down the runway, there’s a point where he can’t decide to remain on the ground. When he crosses that line, he commits to fly in the air or the plane crashes! We fear what we lose by following Jesus. Some people are more afraid of loss than interested in gain. Loss is so horrible we would rather not love for fear of losing. Slowly distancing, afraid if they get too attached, and fear of loss escalates. I learned we gain by following Jesus! Apostle Paul found everything else is cow manure in comparison.
Fear is either caused by a good reason or it needs to be released. A red flag weather warning means disaster and you need to pay attention. What are real red flags? Fear your fiancé is very controlling because he won’t let you go anywhere alone. Fear your fiancé will cheat because he cheated while dating. Your fiancé is in major debt and lacks wise spending habits. Fear of clashes because he has different religion. Surrendering to love is not giving up who you are to be with a person. Acting from desperation, neediness and emptiness is a starving animal hunting for food. That’s not healthy in finding a partner.
But marriage to Jesus is even more awesome. We commit to Jesus though we are desperately needy, empty, lonely, hungry, and starving for love. He heals our broken spirit, broken heart, broken lives, even broken bodies. Luciano Pavarotti took both vocal lessons from a professional tenor and college to be a teacher. When he graduated, he had to choose singer or teacher. He asked Dad which way to take; his father advised, “If you sit on two chairs, you will fall between them. For life, you must choose one chair.” Commitment is choosing one chair, one Savior, one Lord, one marriage partner. Committing to Jesus will never be greater than commitment He already made to us. He proved His commitment on the cross. Jesus has NO fear of commitment.
SONG: SAY I DO