Merritt Opening Song: I Surrender All #309 Title: Forgive Yourself
Scripture: Psalm 32:5, Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord." And You forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
A theology student was preaching his very first sermon. He meant to say "God called me to heal the sick, raise the dead, and cast out the devil." However, what came from his stammering tongue was, "God called me to heal the dead, cast out the sick, and raise the devil." It’s a truth that we all mess up! If you can make amends without harming another person, ask forgiveness from those you have wronged. Yet many of us still feel bad, we beat ourselves up, put ourselves down, wallow in guilt and some do penance and punish ourselves. It doesn’t matter how much God has already forgiven us if we don’t learn how to forgive ourselves.
Your heart and mental health depends on reducing hurt and anger, even at yourself. Stanford University did research on how forgiveness can even prevent disease. They used to say we should just ignore guilt; now Science is learning forgiveness is key. Did you lash out in anger, shoplift, go off the wagon, or lie? Well, if someone else does these things, you forgive and let go of anger. Why is it harder to forgive yourself? Because they don’t live in your head, repeating your wrongs to you. No one can beat us up better than we beat ourselves! So many people have a constant, critical voice inside their head. There’s a tendency to hold ourselves more accountable than we do others. Don’t become a hostage to your past by always reviewing your mistakes.
Romans 8:1, There is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8: 32-34, He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for His own? No one, for God himself has given us right standing with Himself. Who then will condemn us? No one, for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and He is sitting in place of honor at God's right hand, pleading for us.
We live in a high performance world. People think they need to be perfect, yet they hurt others, intended or not, so we feel like a constant failure. In drug and alcohol treatment centers, professionals found addiction is a shame-based disease and forgiving yourself is the most difficult part of recovery. Anger, resentment and resulting stress can progress from addiction to heart disease, cancer and autoimmune disorder. People think forgiving yourself is letting yourself get away with whatever sins you committed. Pain and anger are our punishment. People want to feel pain and resentment?! Many believe that they should.
If you’re carrying around heavy backpacks of guilt, how do you set it down? What is the antidote to guilt and self punishment? I used to carry suitcases of guilt. I felt bad in church because of sermonizing guilt trips. I felt bad at home because I wasn’t a perfect mom. I felt guilty when I got depressed. It helps to have a caring friend who hears, understands and can pray with you. A human friend helps, and Jesus is our ever present, constant Friend. Plus we need to learn how to be our own best friend.
Song: YOU’RE NEVER TOO FAR AWAY
When we don’t forgive ourself, we choose to live in the past; make a conscious choice to let the past go. Today is all we have. Fear of making more mistakes keeps us locked in the past so we cannot grow. Imagine a baby grew overnight! Scary thought, huh? Scolding ourselves over mistakes assumes you had all knowledge and experience from day one. Even if you did have all facts, we have emotions and sometimes act rashly. Does anyone ever say, I want to do the worst that I can? No, we’re all trying to do the best we can.
I attended a Chinese private school in Fiji where every time we made a spelling mistake, teacher hit our hand with a ruler in front of class, one hit per mistake. If you think that’s cruel, realize we do that to ourselves when we refuse ourselves forgiveness. It doesn’t help the past. Analyze what went wrong. Every mistake contains a lesson, but only if we want to dig it out. We know now a positive, supportive attitude is best for learning. Isn’t that the kind of teacher Jesus is?
Little children think monsters are real. As adults, our monsters are negatives we decide to believe in and dwell on in our minds. Chuck is waiting for his date at a restaurant. 20 minutes later, Chuck tells himself he must have done something wrong and she has stood him up. Meanwhile, across town his date is stuck in traffic! Yet he tells himself, “She doesn’t really like me.” Donna is on a diet. “I’m a fat lazy pig,” and she creates her own monster. Jean’s son is doing poorly in school. “I’m a bad mother,” she tells herself. Linda is lonely, “No one could really love me. If anyone got to know me, they would never like me.” Laura looks at her untidy house. “My life is a mess; I can’t do anything right.” Mavis is unhappy, “If someone is upset, it must be my fault.” Connie says, “If I dwell on what went wrong, maybe I’ll feel better. If I worry enough about the problem, maybe I’ll come up with an answer.” Ben tells himself, “I don’t trust people who are happy. If something good happens in my life, I have to pay for it with something bad.”
So forgiveness is giving up our harsh judgments about ourself. Being down on ourself does not honor our Creator. A nasty look from someone else may mean nothing more than they are constipated. We don’t know. We can’t read minds. Telling yourself, “I’m so bad. I always do it wrong,” just makes us feel more bad and is a lousy motivator. Does God want His people beating themselves up with guilt? Satan is the accuser of the brethren, but Jesus came NOT to condemn the world but that the world through Him might be saved. Acts 13: 38, Be it known to you therefore, men and brothers, that through this Man Jesus is preached to you forgiveness of sins. Jesus forgives us and cast our sins in depths of the sea.
If God has moved on, shouldn’t we do the same? To continue to rehearse in our minds the sins of our life is not dwelling on whatever is noble, right, pure and lovely. You have a thought, your brain releases chemicals, electrical transmission goes across your brain. Every bit of energy we spend on regrets robs energy to become the person God wants us to be. Forgiving ourself doesn’t let us off the hook, doesn’t justify wrong; it’s not sign of weakness. Forgiveness takes strength, courage and overcomes our past rather than remain a victim to our past.
If you do not forgive yourself of past sins, it’s a form of pride. When we have a different set of rules, a higher set of standards for ourself over others, it’s pride. When we forgive others but not ourselves, we say we’re less able to make a poor decision than others. We’re wiser, more careful than others, therefore should not forgive ourselves. When we refuse forgiveness, we’re setting ourselves above others, saying we’re better than others because it should be impossible for us to sin, and that’s called pride! Proverbs 16:18, Pride goes before destruction. Unforgiveness is self-destruction but God’s forgiveness brings peace. Jesus’ resurrection is proof God accepted Jesus’ sacrifice. Sins of our past were all atoned for; you don’t need to carry their weight anymore.
Sister Molly, who worked in a home health agency, was visiting patients when she ran out of gas. Gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas canister and buy gas. Attendant told her the canister was loaned out but she could wait until it was returned. Since the nun had an appointment to see a patient, she couldn’t wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something she could fill with gas and spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful she went back with the bedpan, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she poured from the bedpan, two men stopped to watch from across the street puzzled. One of them turned to the other and said, "If that car starts, I'm turning Catholic!" Not accepting God’s forgiveness is like saying we don’t believe God has power to forgive.
SONG: I’M FORGIVEN
We’re carrying around false beliefs. If you had a harsh or unforgiving parent, we often see God through sunglasses of our parents. Some people believe they must say 10 Hail Mary’s before they can be forgiven. That’s saying Jesus did not earn our forgiveness on the cross and we must earn our own forgiveness. Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents tried tutors, flash cards, and special learning centers. In a last ditch effort, they enrolled him in church school. After first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look, went straight to his room and started studying.
His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room and was back hitting the books. This went on day after day. Finally, Zachary brought home his report card, laid it on the table, went up to his room and studied. With great trepidation, Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, 'Son, what changed your math? Was it the nuns?' Zachary shook his head no. 'Well then, was it the books, discipline, structure, uniforms? What was it?'
Zachary said, “Mom, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around!” Either God died for our sins on the cross or it might as well be just a plus sign. If what we owe has been paid by Jesus, we don't need to pay it again. It’s like the man who bought a car from a garage. Things began to go wrong, strange noises, leaking oil. He couldn't afford to put them right, so he struggled for months. Then someone told him the garage gives total guarantee; all the car’s problems would be fixed free! His problem was not the car or garage, but not knowing what was already provided!
Hurting people hurt others. We feel guilty, we get tense and anxious, we act out in negative ways, then we have disappointing relationships. Guilt makes us unable to relate. The mind is a strong and powerful muscle and we must give it over to Jesus. Learn to accept reality, which is that we are not perfect. Everyone around knows we’re not perfect, so the only one we’re fooling is ourselves. Jesus died for imperfect people.
If you put your hand on the stove burner, you pull back. You think twice about doing it again, based on memory of the experience. Emotional pain has the same effect. If you’re experiencing guilt, ask yourself if you are repeating same behaviors. If you are, emotional pain will continue. If you’re not repeating same behaviors, thank God for changed patterns in your life, and give Him your guilt.
Do people carry around false guilt? People who survive a bad accident or disaster in which others were killed or injured, often feel guilt that they survived. A result of being abused emotionally, physically, or sexually is we feel guilt for terrible actions which we had no control over. This guilt can be so strong it feels like a coat of dirt and can lead to desire to be always washing. Hold guilt up to light of God’s word and see there is no condemnation in Jesus.
SONG: STEP INTO THE SUNSHINE
Every day should be viewed as new opportunity to be a freer, stronger, happier you. How can a person who does not know how to forgive himself have capacity to forgive others? A millionaire had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at his mansion. At a party he announces, "I have a proposition for every man here. I will give one million dollars or my beautiful daughter to the man who swims across this pool of alligators!" Suddenly there’s a loud splash. They turn to see a man swimming as fast as he can. They cheer him on! Finally the swimming man makes it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so impressed, "My boy, that’s incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the million dollars?" The swimmer says, "Listen, I don't want your money. I don't want your daughter either. I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
Acts of forgiveness are sheer nonsense and hypocrisy if we don’t forgive ourself. It would be expecting a person who doesn’t know Spanish to teach Spanish. Jeremiah 8:4, Jeremiah, say to the people, 'This is what the LORD says: When people fall down, don't they get up again? When they discover they're on the wrong road, don't they turn back?’
God doesn't want us to hurt. And while we may not always understand why things happen, remember that you, like your child, like your parent, your friend...are a Gift on borrowed time. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself. Proverbs 24:16, For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again. Amos 9:11-12, In that day I will restore David's fallen tent. I will repair its broken places, restore its ruins, and build it as it used to be. Can you bathe in fountain of God's mercies which are new every morning and leave guilt of the past behind? If we can’t grasp forgiveness, we’re destined to be a spiritual cripple, limping on crutch of the past, rather than racing in sheer freedom of a life forgiven.
Today, let’s be careful with choices and decisions. Last footprint left behind us is already part of our past. One of the secrets to be happy is to love and accept, with all our hearts, the kind of life we have at the moment. Acceptance breaks the spell of regrets. Best thing for us to do now is make our present what we won’t regret when it becomes part of our past. Forgiving yourself lifts your burden, gives you more energy, helps you live longer, and is close as we come to a system reset button to better emotional health. If we believe in God’s power to forgive, if we really, really believe, then we can give Him all our guilt, for Jesus has already forgiven us on the cross.
SONG: NAIL IT TO THE CROSS