My Jesus
An Outdoor Child
I spent half a year living with my friend and his wife in Southern California when I was 23 years old. Yeah, living with a married couple could be weird. If their "relations" grew too loud, though, I threw a shoe against the wall our bedrooms shared, and that slowed them down. For a little while, anyway.
My roommates had a dog. That bitch’s name was “Sable.” I heard people complain they kept their dog outside all of the time, that Sable was an “outdoor dog.” Some would claim this wrong, that dogs should be allowed in the house.
“Would you make your child sleep on the outside porch?” they’d ask. Well, not only was it just a dog, but Sable had a roof over her head back there on the rear porch she shared with the pool table, even if she was short one wall and had to put up with a bit of wind now and then. There was nothing wrong with that. And to prove my point, if I ever stumble across a woman with intellectual incapacities sufficient as to reproduce with me, I promise to raise an “outdoor child.” No worries, this unfortunate child will be fed regularly, even clothed for that matter. They will probably even have a roof over their head, though I don’t know where I will be living so I can’t exactly swear on a Bible about that.
Speaking of which, another interesting trait about people is seen in religion. Why is it that the vast majority of very spiritual people come from very spiritual families? When taught from birth the ways of the supernatural world, human youth have a strong tendency to believe.
Assuming my first born is a male, I will educate and edify Him to understand that He is the second coming of Jesus Christ. I will have to read up on my New Testament, perhaps play golf with a priest or two and maybe even go to church a couple times to properly prepare myself for this undertaking.
I will raise my son, from birth, to understand that even if He can’t remember this previous life, He can rest assured that He, indeed, is humanity’s Lord and savior. That God is His real father and He will one day play an integral role in overseeing mankind. That, even as we speak, there are millions upon millions of people praying to His very soul, begging for help in myriad considerations. It may be difficult to fully comprehend, I will explain, but He needs to understand His universal importance and great meaning to the people of Earth, past, present, and future.
And He will have to understand just how to answer that burning question from zealots-and bumper stickers-around the globe demanding to know WWJD. My little Jesus will have to tell people just what it is He will do. It may also be hard work for me, raising Him to grasp the implications incumbent in being the most holy man to have ever walked the Earth. This is a commitment and sacrifice I am willing to make, though not as arduous as the one I will teach my son He once made, sacrificing Himself for the sins of humanity.
“Jesus,” I will explain, “you have great responsibility as the son of our Lord, you must take it as seriously as you take bundling up on your porch on those cold January nights.”