harrypotter

Another Side of Harry Potter:

      <Year 6>

                                                                  Harry Potter; and the Sorcerer's Stoned

Chapter One 

Harry feels a lot older after the past year. But right now he’s back under the stairs, home for the summer at Number 4 Privet Drive. He is again living with his dreadful aunt and uncle and an appalling fat bastard of a cousin. Harry has undeniably done a lot of growing up since he was last home nearly a year ago, maybe even more than he’d like to admit; certainly more than his late parents would have approved. Hermione Granger, Harry’s close and long-time friend and classmate at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is coming to town to visit him, and 16 year-old magical luminary Harry Potter is looking to get laid.

As a citizen of the United Kingdom, Harry wouldn’t know that the United States’ Surgeon General Richard Carmona has asserted that marijuana often leads young users to engage in risky behaviors, including sex. But even without such official knowledge, young Mr. Potter has got a sneaking suspicion that a stoned Hermione is more likely to make a man out of him than a sober version of his innocent friend.

Mr. Carmona will tell you that more than half of youths between the ages of 13 and 17, Harry’s demographic, cite the loss of their parents’ respect as an important reason for avoiding pot. Tragically, Harry’s parents died more than a decade ago and were replaced as guardians by his mother’s sister Petunia and her husband Vernon Dursley. Petunia treats Harry in a manner every bit as harsh and shrill as her voice is when speaking to the unwanted burden she inherited from her sister. Mr. Dursley, with a bald pink head on top of a neck not much smaller than Harry’s waist, represents everything that is wrong with the closed-minded nature that can all too often be found in Muggles (non-wizards). Together, the Dursleys (including Vernon and Petunia’s prized, and immensely spoiled, son Dudley) constantly belittle Harry, jumping at any and every chance to make an unwarranted disparaging comment.

Perhaps it is a minor miracle that Harry Potter grew up coherent and “normal” enough to make and maintain the close friendships he has, such as the bond he shares with Hermione and also with the third member of their trio, Ron Weasley.

Ron is an excessively average wizard from an old and proud magical family and Ron is also the first and probably best real friend Harry finds at Hogwarts. What Ron lacks in charisma and personality like Harry, he makes up in decency and loyalty. It is Ron, in fact, who serves as Harry’s invaluable “source.” Ron’s older brother Bill is also at Hogwarts and knows the men to know over in the wizards’ commercial district of Diagon Alley. Through Bill, Ron can regularly buy pot, making Potter appreciate him even more.

In fact the first time Harry ever got high was with Ron, back at the Hogwarts dormitories towards the end of the young wizards’ fifth year. They were nearly found out that night by a Hogwarts teacher who was over visiting the Gryffindor house to speak to Hermione Granger about her admirable work organizing and administering a tutoring program for struggling first-year wizards. The straight-arrow Hermione suspected the pair was up to no good, but still misled Professor McGonagall into joining her for coffee back in the Great Hall rather than investigate the curious odor seeming to permeate from Ron’s bedroom.

More than being a first rate wizard, Harry is also a good guy, a moral man. But to be a good guy, you must first be a guy; if you are that moral man, you’ll still be a man. Harry Potter may very well have saved mankind of Voldemort and his cronies on more than one occasion, but he still has hormones. And a long-time secret crush on his old friend Hermione, a crush that he has kept from even from Ron and author J.K. Rowling.

It’s hard to place Harry in the role of conniving teenager. The same Harry Potter who kept Voldemort from getting his hands on the Sorcerer’s Stone, who heroically saved a falsely accused Sirius Black just hours from execution. Harry Potter the Quidditch world champion and superstar, Harry who saved Ginny Weasley’s life during his third year at Hogwarts.

But even the most prominent of celebrities can’t avoid death, taxes, or puberty, and there is no enchantment that will stop Harry from wanting to sleep with the nymphet that is Hermione. Harry spends part of the last month of his last year at Hogwarts hoping that the best friend/worst enemy that is peer pressure would convince her to experiment with marijuana with him and Ron, hoping against hope that would remove her better judgment and take his virginity along with it.

A year ago, Hermione was certain she would never use illegal drugs. In addition to a natural and automatic aversion to such substances, she also has a nearly infinite respect for her friend Harry, and she is confused. Hermione thought she knew drugs to be roundly bad and she knows that Harry is simply above doing anything inherently bad. Yet Harry’s a stoner. How awful could it be if Harry is willingly, happily, and regularly baked?

Ron has her trust as well and as her train pulls into King’s Cross Station, she finds herself looking forward to fulfilling her promise made to Harry in the last owl she sent him, that she will try smoking marijuana with him. Besides, thought the girl harboring her own secret crush, maybe if she does this with him, he will see her as more like him and who knows what might happen, maybe the great Harry Potter will even be her first kiss!

It isn’t until August that the Dursley family takes a vacation; it is without Harry, of course. That’s why Hermione came to town now, while the Dursleys are up north in Blackpool where Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon are typically spoiling Dudley who has, in less than 24 hours, turned 30 pounds worth of tickets in ski-ball winnings into a small stuffed elephant retailing at £3.99. Just as they are indulging their vapid son in his morning’s second bowl of ice cream, Hermione completes her short walk from her bus stop to Privet Drive.

The door to Number 4 swings open and Harry greets his target, I mean objective… errrr… his friend with a big hug. In minutes they are sitting on the couch in the living room. Even this is a privilege of sorts for Harry, who has been enjoying the simple pleasures of being able to truly live in the house since the Dursleys left yesterday. Being able to watch the television (though of course before leaving Uncle Vernon had announced him not important enough to drive up the energy bill like that, wasting valuable electricity on television for him), and sitting on the real furniture that is in the house outside of his usual personal abode of the closet under the stairs.

They exchange stories of friends from Hogwarts, mostly those from their mutual house of Gryffindor. Not surprisingly, Hermione has had much more contact than Harry who has only managed the occasional owl out this summer and certainly hasn’t had a chance to speak live to anybody, being trapped with his malicious extended family the past three months.

Harry complains about feeling so shut off, of having no communication other than an owl now and then. He tells her that, thank God, he has a friend like Ron who has kept him sane by including portions of marijuana along with his owl whenever he sends Harry a message. Harry segues this into a reminder to Hermione of her promise to smoke with him. She is nervous but said she would, and what’s more now wants to, she doesn’t want to appear to be young or “uncool.” And so in less than half an hour, Harry and Hermione are sitting in a pair of Mr. Dursley’s foldout lawn chairs in the back yard, stoned.

Harry has been the quidditch captain and seeker for Gryffindor House for years now, and has even led teams to international quidditch championships. For this and other reasons, Harry Potter is perhaps the greatest known celebrity in the entire magical world. More than anybody, Harry understands pressure, and unlike anybody, Harry Potter has never truly known fear. Right now, in his backyard, Harry Potter is petrified.

I’m Harry Potter, Harry repeats in his mind, well on my way to being the most powerful wizard in the world, of course she’ll want me.

He’s so cute, Hermione thinks, nervously trying to maintain her balance taken by Harry’s weed, but losing it along with her inhibitions. She leans against Harry for stability, putting her arms around him to steady herself.

Harry now makes his first big move, much to Hermione’s delight, as he leans in and kisses her deeply on the mouth. Harry knows that, brilliant wizard or not, he would never have the gall to take a shot like this without the empowering sense and inhibition-defeating help of marijuana. Hermione is confident that without her first high, she would also be too nervous to do this right.

She’s high and she’s happy, but even if she has done a little growing up herself, she suddenly realizes that she and the boy she wants to be her boyfriend are in two very different places. Knowing him as she does, Hermione Granger was sure that she would never have serious cause to be upset with Harry Potter. She certainly couldn’t ever imagine slapping the boy who she has truly admired for a number of years now. But this is exactly what she does when Harry, with a revolting grin and a teenage mind full of hope, takes out his penis.

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