jailbabes3

Jail Babes #3                       

A failed attempt to enter the film industry

In July of 2006, while waiting tables in New York City, I was constantly looking for jobs in writing. In the Writing/Editing section of the New York City Craigslist.org job ads, i came across:

PORN REVIEWERS WANTED

Reply to: filmeditor@sexherald.com

Are you a connoisseur of porn? Do you have definite opinions about the movies you watch? We literally have hundreds of adult films sitting around our offices waiting for someone to review them. So, we're looking for a dedicated group of competent folks to help us watch and critique the growing backlog. 

What's the catch? There's not much in the way of pay – for now. But the DVDs, which retail anywhere from $25 to $50, are yours to keep after you review them. This is a legitimate writing gig that can be added to your freelancer portfolio. And SexHerald, a sex-positive online publication, is a startup operation that is poised for rapid growth. 

All reviewers must be 21 or older, live in the New York area and be deadline-oriented and dependable. Previous writing experience is a plus: The reviews run 500 words in length, and a minimum of five (5) films are required to be viewed each month. For a taste of the types of reviews we are seeking, check out: 

http://www.sexherald.com/porn-movies/adult-dvds 

If you're interested, email us a resume and a sample 500-word review of a recent adult film. Put the resume and writing sample into the email itself. WE DO NOT OPEN ATTACHMENTS. 

We want to hear from you…  

Unfortunately, I was not a connoisseur of porn. I had never actually watched a porn film, in fact. But, years previous a friend bought a DVD burner and surprised me with a copy of "Jail Babes 3," which to that day I had never watched. So, an ambitious young writer, I popped it into my computer and watched "Jail Babes 3" before working a closing shift at Pizzeria Uno. I arrived home around midnight and wrote this (I never did hear back from them after submitting it along with my resume):

Jail Babes 3

Viewers are treated to a total of fewer than ten pussies in "Jail Babes 3."   A worrisome indicator, but saved by the notion of quality over quantity.  The hips are all perfectly slender, the breasts bountiful, and all vaginas shaved to perfection in "Jail Babes 3," keeping your attention with the plot and preventing us from losing interest.

The opening credits are a montage of cheesy lesbian fuck scenes.  In a prison.  A cheap vista, and one that is saved by what keeps the movie more than watchable: The quantity of quality beaver shots in there.

Two high class hookers are picked up along with their exotic-dancing new roommate and thrown in jail.   Once there they meet a handful of girls who share only a couple things in common: They're horny girls with outstanding bodies who love to eat pussy.   Even Officer Jade Solitaire gets her licks in on these criminals.

With the exception of the rude and obnoxious arresting officer, every character in the movie who makes an appearance is a woman; and a gorgeous woman at that.

In 75 "penetrating" minutes, not a single cock appears to pleasure our girls.  The closest we get is the opening scene when one of our high class prostitutes sets up "two lady session" on the phone with one of her "regulars."   The flesh and blood members are replaced entirely by plastic.  There are plenty of dildo scenes, including a cute one where one of the prisoners reveals a large green plastic dildo hidden inside the cell's toilet tank.   And our starts repeatedly refer to the plastic dildos as cocks, urging one another to "fuck me with your cock."

My favorite scene is early on and before our ladies are picked up by the cops.  Our girls are on the front lawn of their house, a house giving off a strong L.A vibe, probably not far from Hollywood.  Just after conferring with her regular, one of our girls tells the other about their planned double-teaming and her partner suggests they get in some practice before the rendezvous.

It is literally a finger-licking good encounter, and we have an orgasm just moments later.   Before you can say "heavy-breathing" they're both naked and probing orifices with fingers and licking tits like ice cream cones.   Great camera work, though I am actually unable to tell if it is the tongue of one or the labia of her collaborator which is pierced.   The lesbian's swap positions, and this time the other babe's deck gets swabbed.

Our prison adventure culminates and climaxes with the cop in charge, Officer Jade (who looks a hell of a lot more attractive naked than in her police uniform) putting on a pair of rubber gloves, and executing a body cavity search on Prisoner 6969, though the only cavity the officer (repeatedly) probes is her perfect pussy.

If you rely on men and their cocks getting women off, then Jail Babes 3 is simply not your cup of tea.   If you're all about the exclusive lesbian scenes and pussy close-ups, though, you don't want to miss it.

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