The Groomsmen

Best Man: Nick Krueger aka "Air Force"

The best man ought to be the “best man”. Nick has been my guide, my hero and my brother. He has been the biggest influence in my life and even “Joney’s ” life (Joey + Honey = Joney) . Nick always looks out for me whether I’m choking as a toddler, having a nightmare, running from trouble, or deciding to study engineering. Nick is also to blame for my California twang, Dude. A freaking hillbilly rockstar, he has nitromethane coursing through his veins and is even known to run a 20 degree bias in his crank. He may sometimes go by “Mitch”, but he is still a badass! ....Nick, seriously we are in a drought, I hope you've shaved some seconds off your showers.

Lee "Danger" Williams

My partner in crime before I could spell partner. Leemo is the epitome of a childhood friend. Our friendship makes the little rascals look cliché. I can never tell which one of us is Spanky or Alfalfa. I can’t remember life without Leemo. We shared the joys of being the short kids in the class and fed off each other to rise above our childhood height challenges in all ways manly, especially football. Miraculously, our growth spurts (if you can even call them that) fell in sync throughout childhood and adolescence, but to Lee’s credit he can grow a much more impressive beard. Somehow he became an artist.

Shane "Danger" Butler

It’s pronounced {SHAWN}, get it right! This fine lad dropped onto the Tahoe scene like it’s nobody’s business. Transplanted from the fine city of San Francisco, Shane’s world joined mine sometime in middle school and there was no looking back. Inspired to never be bored, our collection of adventures should be published in hardback. I can imagine the confusion bookstores would have trying to categorize our chronicles… fiction or non-fiction? Better yet, Shane should have a whole series dedicated him, with the volumes featuring yours truly being a best seller. Member of the infamous KOJ, He is the gentlest, kindest, most hilarious asshole I know. I’m glad to have you back in ‘Merica!

"Baby Kyle" Psilopoulos

Baby Kyle. Silliest of babies, babyiest of sillies. Legendary KOJ member, soon to be doctor of pharmacy, liquor store protégé, and talented musician. Baby Kyle is the key to drugs , alcohol and even Rock-n-Roll…. And babies.

Dr. Aaron Michael Hussmann, Esquire

A modern John Muir, but way better looking. Aaron’s passion for our world is never short of inspiring. However perspectives may be different if the world only recognized his history of hardcore gang affiliations. He started young, amongst the deep pool of criminals at Meyers Elementary school. This ring of scoundrels included several other members of this Groom’s party. For their protection, their identities shall remain anonymous. Aaron’s criminal networking expanded with his induction into the incredibly dangerous “Homey Squash” clan . A band of thugs, rumored to have terrorized Disneyland, the “happiest place on earth”. News of the Homey Squash atrocities never hit mainstream due to the effectiveness of the Disney Secret Service. Aaron hit a peak in gang activity as a co-founder of the ruthless Knights of Jage (KOJ). Aaron was instrumental in the KOJ missions to cause havoc in high school classrooms, invade foreign lands and defy principal values of civil society. John Muir would be been shocked by his modern Doppelganger.

Ian "Danger" Rollf

If you were to look up loyalty in the dictionary, you would see Ian as an antonym. Actually that is the furthest from the truth…wow what a mean thing to say. I feel horrible even joking about this. How can I say anything mean about Ian? Being the nicest person in a group of delinquents may not seem like much, but I’m telling you he’s the person who would never leave you behind. As far as my childhood sleepover tally goes, Ian takes the cake (NOT THE WEDDING CAKE). I cherish our master-ship of the Tahoe backwoods. Thank you Ian for being there through thick and thin. I hope you've learned how to cook a meal other than pasta and I hope you’re cutting down on your ketchup intake.

Jace Dispenza

JAAAAace!!! My SO-Cal twin, and partner in Gnar. Jace Dispenza is all things CHAAAA! We came together in college and dominated our way through grad school. I probably spent more time with Jace in libraries, computer labs and machine shops then I ever spent at home. Jace Ventura’s proficiency in Espanol stemming from some most excellent real estate in Baja makes up for my lack of ethnic diversity among the Groomsmen. Make no mistake this does not make him a product of affirmative action. Our past few years have been saturated by mythical crusades waged on land and see with a few near death experiences. In the end, Jace may be the only human on earth who knows what the fox really says. LET THE JUICE LOOSE!

Kyle Hofstatter - Usher

He is a college legend and one of the few people I know who can make engineering look easy. Kyle gets it done! I’ve had the joy and privilege of balln’ it up with this statue of a man on top of the Bell Air Knolls in Santa Barbara. Kyle has been there for the most memorable and special parts of my adult life. His friendship is invaluable. He’ll even pick you up in the middle of the night on the side of the road if you break your ankle. Please, please, please control your libido if you find yourself in the presence of Kyle wearing one his infamous cat T’s. This is the man who will be “ushing the shit out of this wedding”