South African Taxi drivers learn to drive in the UK

Post date: 26-Sep-2011 11:56:03

^{21 October 2009}

Those South African's that have their morning adrenalin rush vending off Taxi drivers on the way to Pretoria on the N1 or R21 should be grateful. I have come to the realisation that South African Taxi drivers all learn to drive in the UK or at least share some communal British Driving instructor.

A friend of mine always used to tell me that the traffic is so calm and organised in the UK. After spending two years here now, I have come to differ from him somewhat. Every time e starts off with his fantasy I simply remind him of a couple of truths:

1. Sidewalks are effectively speed bumps in the UK.
2. Speed bumps are just ramps put in place to have fun with or test your cars suspension before selling it on eBay.
3. No one actually has a clue what the maximum speed limit is on the highway.
4. Your houses driveway could come out directly onto a highway (It's true.... really).
5. When entering a highway, you have right of way... Don't bother checking if there is actually space for you to enter safely, as long as you indicate, the entire planet will move over or slam on breaks just so you can get in. That's what ABS is for after all, isn't it?
6. Number 5 is the only use for indicators though; otherwise we could get rid of those ugly amber lights on all vehicles.
7. Consistency... Why? If you have no idea what lies waiting for you around the next corner or intersection, surely the roads would be safer.
8. Drainage.... Yes, my logical brain tells me that in a country were it rains for 13 of the 12 months, they must know something about extracting standing water from the fast lane on a highway..... Sadly, no!
9. Roundabout! Don't get me started. In South Africa, roundabouts (or traffic circles) work because we are actually considerate people. - You will notice that in the wing mirrors of every UK car on the road lives a family of happy spiders. They move in while the driver is waiting for a gap to enter the roundabouts.
10. O, and should I mention, it is completely okay to stop anywhere to answer your phone (yes anywhere) or to make a u-turn (no, no, a 3/15 point turn) on any busy road at any time (including peak time)
11. Tractors and other farming utensils - o, and live stock - are welcome on all roads. The fact that most people drive between 60 and 80 Mph (90 - 130km/h) on the highway and a tractors top redline speed is about 20 mph (32km/h) is not considered dangerous.

I have more.... but I'll rest my case.